Dealing with Cornual Ectopic Pregnancy

[Alexa27]

Hi All,

I’m new to this discussion forum thing and I’ve never really wrote my feelings down about any of my experience with my ectopic.

I had a corniel ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago just gone June, I was 4 months pregnant and I passed out & got rushed into hopsital. I was stuck in a&e for hours waiting to see what had happened with my little bump, when finally the doctor came and said he would scan me. He took me up for a scan, and within 2 mins he had another doctor in the room, following that he then did an internal scan, once he started the internal scan it was pandemonium and I had doctors and nurses in and out of the room, and next thing I know I was signing forms and being rushed down to theatre.

My womb has ruptured and they had to carry out open surgery to remove my right tube, the baby and 1/3 of my womb. Although I struggled with the shock and loss at the time, i’m Really struggling this last week and I feel like everything has hit me.

I’ve recently been curious about survival rates of ectopic pregnancy, and looking into what my baby would of looked like, size, features etc and I just wondered if anyone feels like this, as it has been 3 years and I am just starting to struggle with all of these feelings now.

I feel like my baby died because of me, that little life was inside of me alive until the doctors operated on me and I feel responsible for that. I understand that if I hadn’t of been rushed down for surgery then I could have lost my life, but that doesn’t make me feel any less awful or guilty about the whole situation. I feel like it was my body that couldn’t hold on to my baby, and therefore my fault that I lost my little one.

Sorry if this upsets anyone, I just feel like it was been 3 years and these thoughts are only just hitting me now like I said, I’m not sure if it is because I’ve had time to process everything, I just wondered if anyone else felt anything similar.

I’m just feeling slightly lost at the moment
Xx

[TieraSS]

Please don't feel responsible for anything that happened. Being in the tube, the baby had no blood nor nutrient supply to be able to continue to be healthy and strong. I wish I could tell you things to help you feel better. However, I'm only just shy of 5 weeks post op. Some days are still a struggle no matter how many people I talk to. I felt the same way at first when it came to hating my body. I was so angry. I'm wishing you peace mentally and emotionally. It's not your fault.

[EPT Host 22]

Dear Alexa27,

The feelings you describe are very understandable. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women do find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process.

We operate a helpline service, and there's no pressure, whatsoever, but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counseling services. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

We are here for you and are sending warm wishes,

Michele

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[Erika]

Dear Alexa,

I am so utterly sorry for your loss. I really feel for you since I am myself going through an angular pregnancy and don't know if it will go well at all or end like yours. So I have been having similar thoughts- being angry at my body for "allowing" the foetus to attach in the angular position, thinking what would have happened if my husband and I waited another month to get pregnant etc, but also trying to prepare for the worst case scenario- a planned termination if the doctors feel the need to, or the possibility of ruptured uterus as in your case.

In my case, we found out appx. 4 weeks ago that I am going through an angular pregnancy, so I have been going through all sorts of scans and ultrasounds to determine the position of the placenta and foetus and for the doctors to draw up a plan of action for possible outcomes. During this turbulent period my husband and I have scoured the internet for articles on APs, cornual pregnancies and all kinds of different ectopic pregnancies to try and learn as much as possible in order to make an informed decision. The doctors told us from the start that they could terminate the pregnancy if we wished. So we have tried to get information from all kinds of sources to prepare us for the different scenarios. We have also been able to talk to a counsellor and a chaplain at the hospital, asking about the procedures if the baby would not come out alive, if we can bury it etc. This has helped alot for us to process the thoughts and different options and we have for now decided to carry on with the pregnancy. But I definitely understand the pain you are going through, since the news of your CP was a shock and you didn't have time to prepare before it was taken away from you.

I'm not sure if it may help, but for us it has been comforting to talk openly to people about our situation, this very rare type of pregnancy, the possible outcomes and to share our feelings and fears. People have really been so kind, helpful and supportive in every way. We also took a conscious decision fairly early that we were not going to distance ourselves from the baby because of the uncertain outcome, but to embrace the pregnancy, speak to it and treat it like a "normal" pregnancy and enjoy the time we have with the baby since it may be limited. In your case I am sure you embraced and enjoyed your pregnancy to the very end, and in a way I am thinking that gave your baby comfort and love, rather than worry and thoughts of possibly having to take the difficult decision of terminating the pregnancy. So he/she was loved and is still being lovingly remembered. One thing that has comforted me is to know that even if my baby does not make it into this world, no one can take away from me that I am a mother and that I have had a baby that will be loved and remembered forever. And my belief is that I will one day be reunited with him/her in a better world. This helps ease the pain a little.

One thing I wanted to ask you about- how did you experience the rupture of your uterus? My doctors have said this is the one thing I need to be worried about but they cannot describe what signs to look out for or what the pain may be like. And how long time did it take from passing out until the operation was carried out? At the moment I am nervous about being on my own in case I would pass out and not be able to call for help. Also, how many weeks were you when you were rushed to hospital?

I would love to be in touch with you privately to talk more. Please feel free to send me a message.

Kind regards, Erika

[Strictlyfab]

To answer your questions, Erika on the signs of a ruptured uterus, I can share my experience in the hope that it will help.

First of all, I want to say that the trauma and pain of my ruptured uterus was increased by my delay in asking for help, for a variety of reasons including being told at a recent scan that everything was normal. So I hope my experience won’t alarm you in its severity. You are prepared, and if it does happen to you, you will respond. Once my doctor arrived, it took only as long as getting me to the hospital and a consultant yelling ‘Get her to theatre’. It’s a medical emergency and will be treated as such.

I was 11 weeks pregnant when, as the result of an undetected cornual pregnancy, my uterus ruptured in the middle of the night. The pain was excruciating. For me it felt like I was being torn limb from limb.

Erika, or anyone else reading this, if you suspect it is happening to you, call 999. Have your phone with you at all times.

Just in case you don’t have the sudden horrendous pain, my others symptoms were a constant feeling of being on the brink of fainting, clamminess, like a cold sweat, buzzing in my ears, white face. As the internal bleeding continued, the pain radiated to my shoulder tip. You can read up on this type of pain, it’s quite specific and is an important symptom. At one point, after about 9 hours, I became a bit delirious, the pain was so severe I somehow detached myself from it.

With my limited knowledge, I don’t think you will suddenly pass out without warning. The passing out is due to the blood loss (internal haemorrhaging) which is more of a seeping process. Although much of the time I was half aware that I was fighting to stay conscious, it was about 12 hours before I passed out, when I was being lifted onto a stretcher. It was about 14 hours between rupture and being taken to theatre, and I was later told I wouldn’t have survived beyond another half an hour. So that’s a kind of time frame for you, but I’m sure it can vary, perhaps greatly.

I hope this answers some of your questions. I hope it doesn’t scare you, Erika. Other people’s experiences may differ, and I hope they will share them with you. If you want to ask me anything, don’t hesitate.

You have written so beautifully about your feelings of being a mother. I truly empathise, and wish you all the luck in the world with your pregnancy.

[Erika]

Dear Strictly fab,

Thank you so much for replying to my question of ruptured uterus. I have been in so much fear and worry about it happening to me so although your experience must have been excruciating and awful, it does comfort me a little knowing that I probably won't die within an hour if it happens to me. I have asked my doctors numerous times how long I have if my uterus ruptures until it becomes life threatening and they haven't been able to answer properly. But they have asked me to move closer to the hospital in order "to guarantee my safety" (I currently live 50 minutes away) which made me conclude that I could possibly die in half an hour if not in hospital by that time. So thank you so much for sharing your experience with me since it does give me some comfort to know that I probably will be able to call for an ambulance and notify people of the situation. I do keep my phone and my id-card with me at all times these days, in case something would happen.

I am really amazed at how you were able to stick up with the pain you explain for 14 hours!! It seems like an awful pain. What were your first thoughts when it happened- did you think it was a miscarriage or something else? And were you far away from hospital once you decided to go to A&E?

Also, if I may ask some more questions about your cornual pregnancy- since you are the first person I've been in contact with who's gone through a CP. Were your doctors able to save your uterus? My doctors have said they will take out the piece of uterus where the placenta and baby are placed in case of an emergency op, but they hope to save the rest of my uterus.
And if so- do you know how much they had to remove in the operation? And have they given you any advice on whether you can/ are allowed to get pregnant again?

Lastly, have you met any other women who have gone though APs or CPs- successful or not? There is such limited data out there, so even just hearing second hand info from you or others how long their pregnancies lasted, and possibly if they were successful, gives me some information in this very unknown state.

Thanks again for replying, I so appreciate to hear from you. I don't know how to add a beating heart emoji- but am sending you one.

Warm regards, Erika

[EctopicPUL]

Wow - putting my anxiety about a ‘standard’ ectopic into perspective. Thoughts are with you both X

[Strictlyfab]

Hello, and thank you for the beating heart xx

I have never known anyone who has experienced what I have, but just having someone who empathises is worth a great deal to me, so thank you. Cornual/angular pregnancies are still overlooked in discussions about ectopic pregnancy. I know they’re rare, but not to us who have experienced them.

This was my third pregnancy, my first two pregnancies having also ended in losses, and I didn’t feel that this was anything like those previous occasions. (The first was a ‘normal’ early miscarriage, with some pain and bleeding, and the second pregnancy lasted 16 weeks before being told at the scan that my baby had died in the womb. The saddest moment of my life.) But back to the ectopic, I had had a scan the previous day when I was told everything was fine. But the ultimate reason that I endured the pain was that I was with an insensitive partner (now an ex-partner!) who would not trouble the GP until 9am, and then wouldn’t chase her up when she didn’t arrive as promised. (I couldn’t ring myself because we did not have a phone upstairs and I couldn’t get downstairs.) When the GP finally came, it was she who diagnosed the ectopic and called the ambulance. I think the journey to the other side of the city took approximately 40 minutes but I can’t be sure. I do know that I was given over 3 litres of blood, but I assume at least some of this will have been what was lost during the operation.

I was told that they saved my uterus, but that it was now stitched along the top for about a third of the way, and future pregnancies were very possible (there were none, sadly) though they would not be able to continue to full term, as scar tissue cannot stretch, and I would have **-section about 4 weeks prior. Unfortunately, the time for me for having children is now past, but I will never forget my three babies - all named, all longed for, all loved. But times have moved on, and you, and perhaps most people on this site, have the chance to become mothers, and Erika I hope your pregnancy continues and that you have the safe and happy outcome you wish for xxx

I have just found this discussion - sorry I don’t know how to do a link - which gives a little more info and optimism: Pregnant after cornual ectopic