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1 week post surgery

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Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

Hi all let’s start by saying I found out I was pregnant had some normal pregnancy symptoms then had the bleeding I went to a&e last week and was reassured that it’s quite normal in early pregnancy to bleed but as a precaution they are going to send me for an early scan the next day so I get to the scan my partner isn’t allowed in and I’m given the devastating news my pregnancy is ectopic within an hour I’m on a ward and going to have surgery first thing in the morning well morning rolls around and there’s been a delay in surgery I finally have my surgery and am kept in overnight the next morning I see the doctor for all of 2 minutes where she writes my discharge letter doesn’t give me much information about what I’ve been through or what to expect next everything happened so fast and I wasn’t given anything to actually help me understand what I’m going through everything I’ve found is through my own research and I’m struggling with it all hitting me now not only losing my baby but my tube it’s so hard one minute I was pregnant the next I wasn’t only thing I have been told is to take a pregnancy test 3 weeks post surgery and if my wounds are red or swollen or oozing to come back to hospital I’ve looked up nhs leaflets on Ectopic pregnancy but I’m finding it hard having to find out the information myself any information anyone can give me I would greatly appreciate

Sam1xx
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 9:03 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Sam1xx »

Hi there,
This is the first time I’ve wrote on here so hopefully I’m doing it right!
I am nearly 9 weeks post surgery. I was over the moon to find out I was finally pregnant, I paid for a private early scan at 7 weeks and was told it was ectopic, I was devastated. I had to leave my partner there and was taken to hosp in ambulance and had surgery the same day and stayed in over night. Cos of covid I also had to go through this on my own as partner not allowed in hosp.
I just wanted to reply to you because I was told “wait three weeks and then do a preg test which should be negative” - I waited three weeks and did a test but it was positive, so I panicked and thought something had gone wrong. I went to the hosp for a scan and blood test but it turns out your hormones/hcg levels can be all over the place for 6-8 weeks. I have been going back to the hosp every week for a blood test since my positive test result 5 weeks ago and luckily my hormones have slowly been going down and I found out yesterday they are finally on 0.

I just wanted to share this with you cos the hosp made me feel like if I got a positive test something would be wrong. Of course if you get a positive test in 3 weeks ring your hosp straight away, but please don’t panic like I did because your hormones can take a while to get back to normal.

Sending you a big hug, I know how you are feeling right now, please feel free to ask me anything.
Wishing you all the best with your recovery xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1805
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Gorginad,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, and of your lack of support.
I am glad you found the Trust and posted here, we are all here for you.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

If you have any specific questions, we will try our best to answer them for you.
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

Thank you for replying you have well and truly just put my mind at ease I did a pregnancy test 2 weeks post op because I couldn’t remember whether i was supposed to do it 2/3 weeks so thought I’d do one at 2 and 3 weeks low and behold it was positive I was panicking thinking but it shouldn’t be positive so I was going to wait to do another one this Friday and see if I get the same result but now I know it’s probably falling hormones that’s put my mind at ease a bit it’s sad to think I’m hoping for a negative result after being so excited for a positive one its definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions. Just want it all to be over with so we can move on from this horrific experience. I’m still trying to understand why it happened because I’ve already had one healthy pregnancy I didn’t even know about him until I was nearly 6 months no pregnancy symptoms but that was 10 years ago now I guess I will never know why x

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

I’m really struggling today got an email reminding me I would have been 10 weeks today so just very very sad today I’m trying to hold it together but I just so want to still be pregnant And everything be ok I’m so insanely jealous of my two sisters who both had normal pregnancies and now have babies every time I see Another birth announcement or pregnancy announcement I’m filled with such jealousy and hatred for the universe for their pregnancy being normal and being healthy but mine being an ectopic and losing my right tube

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1805
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Georginad,
I am so sorry to hear you are having a difficult day.
Do remember it is still early days for you and when we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
I too really struggled with the emails and alerts that I had signed up for informing me how far pregnant I should have been. In the end I gave my phone to my partner and asked him to go through and cancel them all.
We also hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families or struggle with the constant reminders of pregnancies and babies. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

Thank you so much for your reply Karen I honestly felt so bad for being jealous of my sisters babies and feel bad for getting upset seeing so many babies and pregnant women out and about it’s really getting me down I thought I would update you on the pregnancy test situation I did another one today and it was negative so that’s good but upsetting to know I’m no longer pregnant having that confirmation is just heartbreaking so I’ve been doing everything I can to focus on other things x

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

So I’m at a loss today my partner is acting like I need to just get on with life like I need to forget what’s happened and even said I should see the positives of this I’m alive and I just need to move on now I’m just so broken especially when his best friend has just had a baby yesterday and he was like trying to show me and getting annoyed at me for being upset today I just don’t understand how the first week after my surgery he was so supportive and loving and caring since he’s gone back to work it’s like his world has gone back to normal so I need too now as well I’m starting to feel like I’m not allowed to show emotions anymore and I’m not the type of person to just bury things or not show my emotions any advice would be greatly appreciated

Tara2
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2020 5:05 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Tara2 »

Hi Georgia,
I felt exactly the same felt like something massive had just happened to me , then got discharged and was left to research about the future. I got a leaflet but still had and still do have lots of questions and it’s been 7 weeks now. It’s such a worrying time , I was anxious about doing the pregnancy test; the first period . Every where on social media seemed to be couples announcing pregnancies or sharing baby related posts- I just felt all over the place.
If you ever want a chat I’m happy to email or whatever ?
Take care , it’s still very early days, I still have difficult days now.

Sophieshamelle
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 7:53 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Sophieshamelle »

Hey Georgina,

I'm with Tara2 on this one, it was 11 weeks yday I had my operation and my right tube removed and I still struggle with it now, even simple things like going to [Brand Name not allowed] I felt surrounded by pregnant women an babies, had to put my shopping back an go back later int he night when itwas quiet, as daft as that is, that's how my head was in the moment.

I never knew I was pregnant an it was my first at 28, one minute I was being told the pain I had was probably from being pregnant then minutes later it was eptopic an I was being rushed in for surgery as it had already ruptured an lost half my bodyblood to my abdomen. It's such a horrible thing I had a glimmer of happiness an hope then it all came crashing down in an instant. An there was nothing me or anyone else could do an I was all alone through it. I never thought of singing up to here at the time an having other ladies to talk to it about. Thatl help you more than you think. I bottled everything up an my relationship crumbled as a result. It happens.

You will get there. I have good days now where I don't even think about it, slightly easier as I have memory issues I guess but won't be long for you either till you get those days, others are still unbearable but that's the corse of things in our situation I guess. Sending my prayers to you Hun it's a hard time for you right now.

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

Thank you For your responses I’m so grateful I’ve been up and down especially recently being told by my partner I just need to get over it now Sp seeing other women experience the same emotions and having gone through the same trauma as me is reassuring to know i should be feeling some type of way not just forgetting about it like it never happened. I’ve been close to breaking down so many times recently but had to put a brave face on because my partners world has gone back to normal with him going back to work and his normal life while trying to push me to find a job any job even if it leaves me worse off financially (I’m currently not working due to being a full time carer for my autistic son) When I’m not even in a place mentally to do that then he’s pushing me to do an open university course so I can use it to go back to work and then even saying you like photography do a photography course then start your own photography business I was actually left speechless because it just seems like I have to be over it and find a job instantly doesn’t matter about how I’m feeling and that I’m still healing I’m trying so hard to just keep it together there only a couple of things getting Me through each day that’s our puppy and my son to start with my partner was supportive couldn’t do enough for me then after a week it was like everything has to go back to normal I have to cook I have to clean I have to do the washing When I was in a lot of pain still because obviously lots of moving about pulled on my stitches and now he’s telling me if I don’t want to try again for a baby then it’s a deal breaker for him I’m like I’m not a baby making machine can’t he understand why I’m nervous about trying again my percentage of it happening again has gone up I only have one tube left and if it happens again and they can’t save that tube the only way I’ll be able to have any more children is through ivf which i wouldn’t be guaranteed on the nhs as I have a child from a previous relationship doesn’t matter that it was an abusive one and I had to flee it with my son and had to get a court order against my sons father that’s not taken into consideration. I’m just so lost right now wish I could give my partner this pain and grief so he understands how I’m feeling and stops pushing me to find a job or just get over it he’s not the one that had to go through the surgery he’s not the one who lost not only a baby but part of my fertility in Such a traumatic way One minute I was going to see my baby in an early scan next I’m being put on a ward to have my baby and my tube removed with no one there to comfort me or hold my hand. I’m sorry this is a really long moaning post this is just the only real outlet I have talking about it is all well and good but there’s a therapy almost in writing down how I feel

Sophieshamelle
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 7:53 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Sophieshamelle »

Honestly Hun your not on your own with this one.. I had so much grief from my ex about he wanted to ry again so he had the chance of having a baby with someone today as he has a baby due next month, another reason why it wasn't working.. the list just went on with that one.. but hopefully it's not the same for you an you're able to get your point across.. nothing worse than feeling ok your own through some thing like this I struggled an still am but I hope the best for you really some of us deserve better x

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

Hi guys thought I would post an update so I’m going to be self referring for counselling so I can talk to someone who can help me my sister and I have bonded a lot over all the trauma we have been through she recently had her first baby but they thought he was ectopic at 8 weeks thankfully he wasn’t but she still had an extremely rough pregnancy and a very traumatic birth I’m very anti baby right now but the only one I want to see and have cuddles with is my little nephew my sister said it’s because I know it wasn’t just a straightforward easy pregnancy or delivery and I know they both went through trauma it’s kind of that trauma bond. I need some advice me and my partner have been very careful using condoms but one split I didn’t take the morning after pill because I didn’t think anything would come of it well I started brown spotting Like I would if I was getting my period but 3/4 days later no period so this morning I took a pregnancy test just out of curiosity knowing in my heart it would be negative and Hoping one day I’ll get the positive I long for well I’m shocked to say there is 2 lines one very very faint second line But definitely 2 lines I don’t know what to do I think I’m going to do another test in a few days see if the line gets any darker I’m 5 weeks post op and I’m scared because everything I’ve been ready says to wait 3 months where as my doctor after my surgery said wait one cycle but we weren’t trying it was an accident I’m hoping a happy accident but I’m not sure how I feel right now

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1805
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Georginad,
Before having a period you have to ovulate and it is possible to become pregnant without having a proper period first, if you are not using contraception. If you have had a positive pregnancy test but experienced some bleeding, I would advise speaking to your GP who maybe able to arrange blood tests to check your hCG.
Sadly I do have to remind you that if you experience any worsening bleeding or abdominal pain or feel dizzy and unwell to seek urgent medical advice.
Sending much love and positive thoughts,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

Georginad
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:36 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by Georginad »

So I was pregnant I am now having a miscarriage 😔 I’m just so broken and lost more so than ever having lost 2 babies in 5 weeks is so hard 😔

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1805
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: 1 week post surgery

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Georginad,
I am so sorry to hear this, to experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
Miscarriage is not linked to ectopic pregnancy, however the incidence of miscarriage is 1 in 5 pregnancies, and so I'm so sorry that you have gone through this.

Please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. Your feelings are completely normal after everything you have experienced, however if the down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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