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I don't know how to cope. 5 days ago I had surgery to remove my ectopic pregnancy and one fallopian tube and the emotional pain I'm in is unbearable. I have a 3 year old daughter who keeps asking stuff about the baby and all I can manage to tell her is that the baby will take a bit longer to get here than we thought but its destroying me. I feel like a shell of a human being right now. I am depressed, angry, bitter, jealous and just all together heartbrokenly devastated. I have no idea how to cope. I just need something to take the pain away. Please help me.
I can't cope.
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
We all cope completely differently, there is no set way. I found setting myself small goals helpful. I'd plan to go for a gentle walk, or plan to watch a certain film. Nothing big, just small achievable steps that made me feel like I was still able to continue. Do you have any close family or friends who can just be with you right now? Maybe to help out with your daughter to give you the space and time you need?
I think a trick is to listen to your body and your emotions just now. If you need to rest, rest. If you need to cry, cry, If you need to scream and shout, then do just that. Do whatever you need to go protect your heart.
I usually give this general information out, after surgery which you may find helpful.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
I know how raw it all feeling right now, I remember how painful it is, but (& I know this is an old cliche) time really is a healer. How long this is, is different for us all, but it doesn't stay this raw.
We will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need too. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
Although your feelings are perfectly normal at this stage, If the bad days start to outweigh the good, please speak to your GP or medical team. the charity Mind may also be of assistance. If you are seriously struggling and need urgent emotional support, The Samaritans are on hand too.
Above all, please be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve,to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: firstname.lastname@example.org
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
I just want to scream today. I’m so angry but I’m also scared and more than anything else I’m just heartbroken. I can’t cope with not being pregnant anymore, all I’ve ever wanted was a baby and I feel like I’ve been robbed. I also feel like my body is screaming at me to start trying again immediately but I’m just not in a position to right now.
The last few days I can’t even get out of bed because I’m exhausted and then every twinge sends me on a google binge about what’s wrong now and convincing myself
I’ll never conceive naturally. I just can’t believe that more people don’t understand how traumatizing this experience is and I’m so grateful that this trust exists because before logging in today I felt as if I was losing my mind. It’s so reassuring to see that what I’m feeling is normal after what has happened.
Thank you both so much for your honesty and your advice.