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Finding it hard today

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
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Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2021 6:26 pm

Finding it hard today

Post by Bookworm »

I had surgery to remove my pregnancy just over 8 weeks ago. I’m still not there physically but emotionally I don’t think I’ve even started to deal with it. I was holding out for counselling. I have ptsd from previous things that happened in my life and have ‘learnt’ to suppress and ‘turn down’ my feelings so I think I’ve been doing that since I first found out the pregnancy was ectopic and that I was losing my baby. On Friday I found out that it could be 8 weeks before I even get a referral into the counselling service because of moving counties 4 weeks after my op.

To top it off this morning I tested positive for covid. I don’t know why that felt like the final straw but it did. I’ve just sat in bed and broke down, crying and silently screaming so that my husband couldn’t hear me from the other room I just feel so broken I feel like I’m only just coming to terms with the fact that this was no normal surgery but a surgery to remove my baby and all the hopes and dreams I had for that baby. I had a miscarriage in April as well and I just feel like it’s one thing after another this year. Everyone keeps praising me on how ‘strong’ I am but the truth is I’m only seeming strong because if I don’t hold myself together I’m scared that I will just start howling and never stop.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2412
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Finding it hard today

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Bookworm,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses,
You do not have to be strong here, you are among friends who understand how you feel. The emotional impact of ectopic pregnancy can take longer to heal than the physical, it's absolutely normal.
You sound like you have also had to deal with the stress of moving during all of this too, it is no wonder you are feeling the way you do.
Do you feel able to speak to your husband for support, rather than try and hide it from him? You do not have to be strong for everyone else.
I am so sorry about the waiting list for NHS counselling, I know this is a problem in a lot of places.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. Whilst you are waiting for your counselling, we maybe able to help. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
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Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team

Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:21 pm

Re: Finding it hard today

Post by Han4 »


So sorry for your loss, I am 5 weeks post op for burst ectopic pregnancy and left tube removal. I had such a difficult time accepting what has happened and only now am I starting to actually think about it, the mind definitely blocks it out I think so we are able to deal with and get through what is happening to our bodies. Its just seems surreal at times that this has happened to me. I alternate between tears, anger, denial, shock, blocking it out and overwhelming sadness that I'm not pregnant anymore and on top of that that I've lost my tube. Everyone on here is here for you and its helped me over the past weeks while I'm off work recovering, reading the different posts, all at different stages of recovery, and seeing how those women are slowly healing. If you don't have people to confide in use this forum, we are here to listen.

Sending you lots of love, you are not alone xx

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