Hey,
I'm two months past my ectopic pregnancy/ruptured tube and surgery. Being told I could have died, I still can't process that. When I think about it I burst into tears. I can't believe I was so close to death and the only symptoms I had was a bit of bleeding and the feeling of trapped wind. It's made me question, how could I be that seriously ill and not feel it? The night before my scan I was lying in bed feeling bloated and had no idea what was going inside me. I just keep thinking, what if I had just bled to death in my sleep. I've had two periods since and every time I see that blood it takes me right back to the day I went for my internal scan, thinking I was miscarrying, not bleeding to death. I just don't understand. Is anyone else having the same feelings?
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I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
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EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3168
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
Dear Sarah789,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
I completely understand how you feel and feeling this way can be very commonly felt by many women.
When we experience an ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency, it's treatment, reduction and for some, loss of fertility, the loss of our babies and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. If you feel you need to, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling service.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
We are also here for you whenever you need us,
Sending much love,
Karen x
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If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
I completely understand how you feel and feeling this way can be very commonly felt by many women.
When we experience an ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency, it's treatment, reduction and for some, loss of fertility, the loss of our babies and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. If you feel you need to, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling service.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
We are also here for you whenever you need us,
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
Hi Sarah, I'm 7 days post rupture and have been struggling with this too. My ectopic symptoms started four days prior to my rupture during which I attended A&E, EPClinic and had 2 ultrasounds. I explained my pain each time and still my ectopic was not picked up. Have really struggled to accept that I ruptured and nearly died. I keep taking panic attacks and am shaky at the silliest of things. I was told I'm lucky to still be here as surgeon removed 1l of blood and of course had my tube removed. I keep thinking that I am not going to let this define me but then am overcome with massive waves of emotion. Think that there's no easy way through it, one day at a time. Have u had counselling? It is something I am considering at moment.
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SharonB222
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2015 3:01 am
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
It occurred to me that if it were 1900 I would have died. I suppose I came close even so for ep#1. But even though my vitals were lost twice(!) I didn't have the instinct that I was dying, I considered the possibility while lying there semi conscious and was ok with it. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be alive but I could have passed peacefully at that time (the pain from my violent rupture hours earlier and Class IV hemorrhage continuing was controlled). Sure I was uncomfortable seeing emergency vehicles for a time but eventually that softened with time. I was already in counseling for infertile and recurrent pg loss so I had lots of support. I was glad to be alive to try again!!
I am sorry for the trauma.
I am sorry for the trauma.
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
I know exactly how you feel. It's been 13 days since I experienced the worst physical and emotional pain that I've ever experienced. Friday morning I didn't feel good and by Friday afternoon I was in horrible pain in my pelvic and abdominal area and also insane amounts of pain in my shoulder. I couldn't sit down, lay down , nothing made it better. My husband took me to the ERthe next morning (I was stupidly stubborn and because I don't have medical insurance I thought I could tough it out). Well first off I had no idea I was pregnant, l had (believe it or not) my tubes tied after my last son was born NINE YEARS AGO!! So not only was it a surprise that I was pregnant, they're telling me it's a tubal pregnancy and that they believe it has ruptured and I was going to need emergency surgery. My blood pressure was something like 66 over I'm not sure what, I was so sick and it hurt so bad. I started to go into shock and they rushed me to the ER, they told my husband another hour and I would of been dead!! I lost 5 pints of blood, and had to receive blood during my surgery. They removed my right tube and the pregnancy. After the surgery was over almost all the pain was thankfully gone for the most part. Then I learned all that had happened to me and how close to death I was. I have 4 healthy wonderful kids at home, and even tho I had my tubes tied , to learn I was about 12 weeks pregnant and then to lose that baby all in the same day, not to mention almost lose my life... Well I've really been having a hard time wrapping my head around it all and the physical pain is still there , I feel like - will it ever stop hurting emotionally.? I know it's barely been 2 weeks but it's all so overwhelming I just don't know how to really deal with it all and get back to my normal self. .. Any advice is welcomed. ...
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
Wow, thanks for the responses ladies and Karen thank you, I have booked an appointment at the doctors. It's reassuring to hear you are going through the same and that how I feel is normal.
When I try talking to my boyfriend about it he tries to help but just makes things worse and therefore I shut down again. Saying things like 'being anxious isn't going to help' and ' your not ready to think about trying again because you have these fears'. I tried to explain that I will never forget how close I was to death and that the scariest part of all this is that I am going to put myself in a vulnerable position again, potentially the same position, when I'm ready to try again.
Even when I am ready, no matter how long I wait, all those memories, fears and anxieties will come flooding back. That doesn't make me 'not ready'. How many people have a near death experience then put themselves in exactly the same position again? Well, I am going to and I don't know if that makes me brave or stupid.
KellyLynn and roshMC: It's so still so recent for you guys. I looked a bit at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on the net and one of the things they talked about on there is avoidance. I did that for weeks, the day I came out of hospital I was planning work and sending e mails so the teacher taking over from me had everything she needed. I just switched off, didn't cry or talk about it, I just said /it is what it is'. With school and the physical recovery I manged to put the actual trauma somewhere in the back of my head. The fact that you guys are confronting your feelings and fears at this point is amazing because I wasn't strong enough. I can't say it gets any easier because I'm struggling but I hope in the future we can all find a way of moving forward and organise our experiences in our head. I'm realistic, I don't there's a quick fix and there's no right of wrong way of feeling. This forum has honestly been my savior,
When I try talking to my boyfriend about it he tries to help but just makes things worse and therefore I shut down again. Saying things like 'being anxious isn't going to help' and ' your not ready to think about trying again because you have these fears'. I tried to explain that I will never forget how close I was to death and that the scariest part of all this is that I am going to put myself in a vulnerable position again, potentially the same position, when I'm ready to try again.
Even when I am ready, no matter how long I wait, all those memories, fears and anxieties will come flooding back. That doesn't make me 'not ready'. How many people have a near death experience then put themselves in exactly the same position again? Well, I am going to and I don't know if that makes me brave or stupid.
KellyLynn and roshMC: It's so still so recent for you guys. I looked a bit at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on the net and one of the things they talked about on there is avoidance. I did that for weeks, the day I came out of hospital I was planning work and sending e mails so the teacher taking over from me had everything she needed. I just switched off, didn't cry or talk about it, I just said /it is what it is'. With school and the physical recovery I manged to put the actual trauma somewhere in the back of my head. The fact that you guys are confronting your feelings and fears at this point is amazing because I wasn't strong enough. I can't say it gets any easier because I'm struggling but I hope in the future we can all find a way of moving forward and organise our experiences in our head. I'm realistic, I don't there's a quick fix and there's no right of wrong way of feeling. This forum has honestly been my savior,
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
I am replying to this with the benefit of 16 months to have processed what happened to me. I had a ruptured ectopic in April 2015. I have some medical knowledge. I was in hospital when it ruptured. I saw my blood pressure plummet to 80/40, an anaesthetist was rushing me through a consent form for arterial blood pressure monitoring (which is like having something stapled to your artery in your wrist, it's unbelievably painful, and they can't put you to sleep until they've done it, and because you're already bleeding your arteries have sunk into your body and it's harder to get to them), my husband arrived to 7 doctors and nursing standing around me and one shouting "we can't wait for a porter, she needs to go NOW" to be pulled to one side by the surgeon and told "rupture, internal bleeding". He was so shocked he just burst into tears, and I remember trying to reassure him and saying I'd be ok and see him after surgery. It took the surgeons 2 hours to control the bleeding and I lost 1 1/2 litres of blood. I remember waking up in recovery vomiting and panicking. The next day I needed a blood transfusion. I was kept in for 3 days. The first night I went home, I was too scared to go to sleep. That continued for a while. I was exhausted and anaemic but too scared to sleep in case I started bleeding again. I knew how seriously ill I had been, and I think the only thing that lessened the trauma is that I was already in hospital when it ruptured. I always felt that the surgeons knew what they were doing and that they would save me. When they put me under (firstly I was so relieved to finally be going to sleep so that the pain would stop!) it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't wake up. But being back at home, away from the nurses taking my observations every few hours, I felt really panicky. And that took me by surprise. A few months later, I went on holiday, to Sri Lanka, and started getting panicky. And that triggered a few months of panic attacks. It was almost like being away from home was unsecure and not safe. I'd feel edgy and just want to get back home. So I want to say that I know exactly how you feel. It is a massive trauma and I'm sure everyone reacts differently. I didn't cry much, just got panicky. It took time and when I got panicky and felt like I couldn't breathe, I just needed someone to talk me round and calm me down. I think you should tell friends and family how traumatised you feel so that they can spot the signs if you withdraw into yourself. Also, what I would say is that until you feel better and stronger, don't try and get pregnant again just yet. I am now 5 weeks pregnant and pretty terrified waiting for a scan but not panicking. I'm glad I sorted myself out and took time to recover from the last trauma before putting myself in this position again. I don't think I could have handled the nervous wait for an early scan otherwise. You are definitely normal in feeling so upset about what a serious life-threatening situation you were in. The body definitely heals much faster than the mind so don't be hard on yourself. You are still in very early days. A lot of text books say it takes about a year to get over a trauma. Good luck with your recovery.
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
Hi, as awful & sad as it was to read your post I was also a little relieved because I was sure I was the only person feeling like this. It's been 7 months since I was rushed into emergency with a ruptured EP in the most incredible pain I have ever known in my tummy & shoulders was absolutely terrifying, I remember screaming that I was dying over & over, a nurse stood over me trying to calm me down but looking terrified herself until things went black & I was unconscious. This vivid memory has stayed with me & despite being desperately sad about losing this unexpected baby, it's this pain & terror that upsets me the most. After the EP everyone was so kind &supportive but focused very much on how sad they were for the loss of the baby. Am I awful for not thinking about the baby but more about how close I was to dying? I am so convinced I sound like a drama queen, everyone laughs when I say "but I nearly died", I think they expect me to be more sad about the baby. But what if I am not? I didn't know I was pregnant, I had no symptoms, continued with regular periods & was only told I was a positive test during the admittal to hospital after they started doing tests for the extreme pain & bleeding I was experiencing. So the shock of that result was lost in the emergency surgery prep & questions about next of kin & priests. So I feel like I wasn't really pregnant nor should be sad about a baby that I lost before I knew about it & all this time later I am still not sure HOW I should feel or if my vivid memories will ever go away nor if I am feeling sad for myself only because I just don't feel like I was 'really pregnant'. It's pretty confusing but I am so glad to find this page, I feel better that other people have had those thoughts too, not better even, just less alone.
X
X
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
Hi. Yes. I am struggling a lot with this.
I posted earlier this evening about PTSD and I wanted to suggest you think about it. What we have been through is so traumatic. I don't even understand why women are told this- what is the point of telling me i 'nearly' died? If I had died, I'd be dead. As I didn't die, why tell me about it? I really HATE the NHS and the way they treat women,
Anyway I just wanted to say, PTSD is a common and normal reaction to a traumatic event and help is available. If your feelings don't go away or if you feel it is too much to cope with, please consider going to your GP and asking to be referred to a counsellor who specialises in PTSD. Why this is not done routinely and we are sent home alone with no advice and no help and no follow up I have no idea. Well, I have the idea it's because the world is still run by men. That's my idea. If men had ectopic pregnancies they would be treated properly.
I posted earlier this evening about PTSD and I wanted to suggest you think about it. What we have been through is so traumatic. I don't even understand why women are told this- what is the point of telling me i 'nearly' died? If I had died, I'd be dead. As I didn't die, why tell me about it? I really HATE the NHS and the way they treat women,
Anyway I just wanted to say, PTSD is a common and normal reaction to a traumatic event and help is available. If your feelings don't go away or if you feel it is too much to cope with, please consider going to your GP and asking to be referred to a counsellor who specialises in PTSD. Why this is not done routinely and we are sent home alone with no advice and no help and no follow up I have no idea. Well, I have the idea it's because the world is still run by men. That's my idea. If men had ectopic pregnancies they would be treated properly.
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
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Hi Im currently recovering from emergency open surgery I had on he 11/11/16 from a cornual ectopic pregnancy..... I also lost a huge amount of blood due to internal bleeding 4 litres, so I'm very lucky to be here thanks to the surgeon blood transfusions and my uterus being repaired. I was fortunate to keep tubes but haven't had my follow up app yet it's next week I am going to question the extent of damaged that was made to my uterus due to the rupture. Very scary experience for myself as was on a ward in hospital and was literally left to bleed to death, surgery ended up being emergency after finally being listened to about the increase of pain was examined and suspect of internal bleeding due to ectopic pregnancy. Was a whirlwind as it happened really quickly..... was also in alot of shock as we'do had our 12week dating scan the day before and nohing was picked up, baby was well with heartbeat and wriggling away.. I am fortunate u like some women on these forums to say I'm lucky to be blessed with a daughter with my partner and have decided because of such a traumatic ordeal and me almost losing my life we won't be trying again..... I guess it's beacause it's the 2nd baby we've lost this year and quite frankly I'm scared too. Losing baby hasn't really hit home yet as I've had to focus on recovery it's felt like just more of a medical procedure, but my permanent scar will remind me otherwise
I know I'm only earlying into my recovery but like you the trauma and almost losing my life is hard to process.....
I can't belive how many women have suffered due to negligence this shouldn't be happening.
Hi Im currently recovering from emergency open surgery I had on he 11/11/16 from a cornual ectopic pregnancy..... I also lost a huge amount of blood due to internal bleeding 4 litres, so I'm very lucky to be here thanks to the surgeon blood transfusions and my uterus being repaired. I was fortunate to keep tubes but haven't had my follow up app yet it's next week I am going to question the extent of damaged that was made to my uterus due to the rupture. Very scary experience for myself as was on a ward in hospital and was literally left to bleed to death, surgery ended up being emergency after finally being listened to about the increase of pain was examined and suspect of internal bleeding due to ectopic pregnancy. Was a whirlwind as it happened really quickly..... was also in alot of shock as we'do had our 12week dating scan the day before and nohing was picked up, baby was well with heartbeat and wriggling away.. I am fortunate u like some women on these forums to say I'm lucky to be blessed with a daughter with my partner and have decided because of such a traumatic ordeal and me almost losing my life we won't be trying again..... I guess it's beacause it's the 2nd baby we've lost this year and quite frankly I'm scared too. Losing baby hasn't really hit home yet as I've had to focus on recovery it's felt like just more of a medical procedure, but my permanent scar will remind me otherwise
I know I'm only earlying into my recovery but like you the trauma and almost losing my life is hard to process.....I can't belive how many women have suffered due to negligence this shouldn't be happening.
Re: I could have died? anyone else struggling with this?
Hi Ladies,
I'm new to this website but I am finding comfort from reading that so many people are experiencing the same emotions and pain as me. It's been 16 days since my ectopic pregnancy ruptured and I almost died as result.
My husband I found out 2 weeks before that we were pregnant with our first and we were thrilled! I
Unfortunately the happiness and the excitement was short lived and before I knew it I was in hospital, rupturing and very close to death.
I'm really struggling with all of this as firstly I don't know why this happened, secondly, in the most selfish sense, why me and thirdly will we ever be parents!
My family have been a pillar of strength but now time has moved on everyone is back to their normal lives, including my husband and I feel like I'm stuck in sadness and being unable to move forward and just scared of what the future holds. I don't feel like I can speak to anyone as I'm just repeating myself all the time and I'm trying to be strong but I'm not sure how long I can keep up the facade.
Did anyone feel like this? Any advice on how I can slowly move forward would be much appreciated.
x
I'm new to this website but I am finding comfort from reading that so many people are experiencing the same emotions and pain as me. It's been 16 days since my ectopic pregnancy ruptured and I almost died as result.
My husband I found out 2 weeks before that we were pregnant with our first and we were thrilled! I
Unfortunately the happiness and the excitement was short lived and before I knew it I was in hospital, rupturing and very close to death.
I'm really struggling with all of this as firstly I don't know why this happened, secondly, in the most selfish sense, why me and thirdly will we ever be parents!
My family have been a pillar of strength but now time has moved on everyone is back to their normal lives, including my husband and I feel like I'm stuck in sadness and being unable to move forward and just scared of what the future holds. I don't feel like I can speak to anyone as I'm just repeating myself all the time and I'm trying to be strong but I'm not sure how long I can keep up the facade.
Did anyone feel like this? Any advice on how I can slowly move forward would be much appreciated.
x
