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Operation tomorrow

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Lauren-x
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 9:44 pm

Operation tomorrow

Post by Lauren-x »

Hi, I am so scared and nervous and I just really want to talk to someone that's not my partner or my family because I just don't want them anymore upset. Myself and my partner have been trying for a baby for the past two months (I work with children and absolutely adore them and as does he) I'm only 21 and I never ever dreamt I'd be laying here in a hospital bed grieving an ectopic pregnancy. I found out on Sunday just gone that I was pregnant (I was so so happy) I did another test on Monday to be safe, I skipped into work thinking all was well, all pregnancy symptoms and no pains, I told my best friend, I wanted to tell everyone. I made a doctors appointment for the following day, I was even thinking of buying baby clothes, I went to the doctors the following day with my partner and we watched a child play and he rubbed my tummy smiling both of us thinking that'll be us soon, the doctor wanted me to go out to the hospital in a few weeks to have an early scan just to be safe because it is my first pregnancy. I rang the hospital the following day and they wanted to see me the same day as they had an appointment, so I left work and met my partner and we went in, I was so excited thinking of hearing a little heart beat or seeing the baby for the first time. The midwife scanned me and had this very concerned look on her face she said the womb was empty, she then brought a doctor in and she was talking about some thing over on the right ovary and said it could be an ectopic but it's very rare so I was reassured. She then did an internal scan and found nothing but could see a very unclear picture of something beside the right ovary. She took my bloods. I was sent off for an hour or two, the longest time of my life. I was googling crazy my partner told me to stop as I'm thinking the worst. Turns out the worst was exactly what it was. The midwife shook her head and said "it's not good" I nearly collapsed, a doctor rushed in then another doctor then another nurse, my hormone level was 5500! I had another internal this time by the male doctor and my partner came in with me, the male doctor tried showing me on the scReen they can see some thing in my right tube I was shaking and couldn't look. Instantly I was told I needed to have surgury I was poked and prodded asked a million questions about pain but yet no pain. I was then told my options yet there was only one possible by hormone was far too high for the injection so surgury was the only option, I was overwhelmed and in shock. So many doctors and nurses telling me they are so sorry and asking if I'm okay my partner was in tears, I just didnt know what to think I kept thinking "maybe they're wrong" I was kept in overnight and throughout the night hope was restored as they said they won't operate as I'm not in pain they will have me come back the following day to have more bloods and it might drop the level. I was worried yet optimistic, today I returned to the hospital, they took my bloods and again I had another 3 hour wait, I was getting hopeful I was praying that it was taking so long , no news is good news or so they say. I was wrong, my levels have nearly doubled now at over 8000 I need to have immediate surgury in the morning. I still have no bleeding or pain and i feel perfectly normal. But here I am in a hospital bed preparing myself for my surgury tomorrow. I am so scared I don't know what to think. It doesn't seem real, my partner just had to leave me and he was so upset, I can't even cry properly, I just feel like it's not real. I can't believe this has happened to me. I want a baby so much now I feel like i will always be terrified to try again. He even is blaming himself, I blame myself too.

Sherrylee
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2016 12:20 am

Re: Operation tomorrow

Post by Sherrylee »

Lauren, I'm really sorry to read your story, my thoughts are with you right now.

Your story is so similar to mine, I unfortunately experienced an ectopic pregnancy May this year. I discovered I was pregnant on the Saturday, thinking everything was fine and I was over the moon. 10 days later o experienced spotting and cramps, at first they suspected a miscarriage but sent me to the early pregnancy unit. At the scan they couldn't see a viable pregnancy and thought they could see a mass in my right tube. Because they were unsure they sent me home and I had to have blood tests - which they thought was fine, yet a week later another scan and nothing in the womb - that's when they decided to operate. I unfortunately lost my right tube.

I too was lying in a hospital bed on a Friday night waiting for an op, my boyfriend and mum had to leave me. I was a mess, couldn't believe this was happening and had no one to talk to - I know exactly what you are going through.

Believe me when I say you are in the best possible hands and they will look after you. I know that's no consolation- remember you have a boyfriend who will be waiting to see you tomorrow.

Be strong lauren

Xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Operation tomorrow

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Lauren-x,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
It can be such a difficult and confusing time and we are all here for you.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Enduring any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you or your partner could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the very early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
We advise that you should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for how ever long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. I completely understand how overwhelming this all is at the moment but we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.
Please do be kind to yourself, we are here for you for as long as you need,
Sending gentle hugs and much love,
Karen x

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Roses2016
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2016 11:20 pm

Re: Operation tomorrow

Post by Roses2016 »

Hi Lauren,

I haven't posted on these forums yet but when I read your message I had to respond. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, but I want you to know that you are not alone. I went through a very similar experience at the end of November. I started bleeding a few days after finding out I was pregnant, and it took several weeks to be diagnosed with an ectopic after initially I was diagnosed with a miscarriage. Like you I had no pain, but my HCG levels were rising. I was 4800 when they finally diagnosed me and so I was just about allowed to try the methotrexate injection, even though the doctors warned me there was a high chance it wouldn't work. Three days later my levels had also gone up to just under 8000, like yours had, and so the doctors decided they would need to operate. I lost my left tube and the pregnancy.

I'm now three weeks post-op and it has been a rollercoaster couple of months, going from the happiness of being pregnant to now coping with the loss of what I had imagined would be my baby as well as a part of my body. It is so hard but I have hope that the future will be better again one day. I also love children and work with them too, so I understand how hard that is on top of everything else. I hope that your operation went well and that you are resting now. The first few days for me were the worst but very soon you will start to pick up physically. Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. If you want to talk more to someone who is also going through this at the same time, then I'd be happy to chat.

Take care x

Lauren-x
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 9:44 pm

Re: Operation tomorrow

Post by Lauren-x »

Thanks so much to everybody who has messaged back to me, all your comments and positive feedback has really made me feel so hopeful and not alone.
I was woken early the morning of my surgury and changed into the surgical dress, I sat on the edge of the bed waiting to be called, I was called for another scan to double check there was nothing in the womb, I went in and once again had another internal scan, it was confirmed the womb was empty and this time I could muster up the courage to look at the ectopic myself, a little black mass fallopian tube, there was no embryo or baby visible I was glad at least it wasn't alive and suffering.
I was sent back to the ward and I sat waiting, hours went by (I had been fasting since 12am the following night) I was so anxious and hungry, nobody could tell me when my surgury was going to be, I wasn't in pain so I didn't matter it seemed. Terrified my tube would explode I sat and waited, starving I wanted to eat so bad. It ended up being 10pm that night I was taken to surgury!! The longest day of my life. I woke at 3am in recovery I had some breathing complications but other than that the laprascopy was a massive success and the other tube and both ovaries seem perfect. So now it's all done and I was released home from hospital today, I'm only reeling now after everything, I sleep for maybe two hours at a time, I am in so much pain due to the trapped gas I feel like my shoulder has been snapped! Has anyone felt this before? And is there anything other than heat that can relieve it? My wounds are fine and my stomach discomfort is sore but the gas is the most difficult, I can't lay down I can only sit up right with heatpacks on my shoulder. My partner is just amazing he's really really made me feel so much better and I honestly don't know how I'd of gotten through this without him. I've never felt so loved and supported by anyone and I'm so lucky to have this.
We will try again eventually but we are going to wait a year or so for me to heal and for our emotions to heal also as we both need to overcome this.
Thanks again to all your thanks to the wonderful people who set up this group. I couldn't find an Irish support group myself (as I live in ireland) and it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Regards. Lauren

Bee_84
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 8:49 am

Re: Operation tomorrow

Post by Bee_84 »

Hi Lauren and ladies,

Came across this post so wanted to share my story...

I am over two weeks recovering from surgery for an eptopic preg, I had a laparoscopy and my left fallopian tube was removed I only knew I was pregnant for a week before I started bleeding, although i didnt have any pain to begin with i knew deep down something wasn't right. The bleeding got heavier and after several trips to a&e and scans and blood tests it was decided that surgery was the best option as they couldn't see a pregnancy but my hormones levels were still rising.

Having had a natural miscarriage in June this year when we and my husband found out I was pregnant again in November we were over the moon! This time around we started getting even more carried away making plans for the future, thinking of names and how we would tell our friends and family the good news over christmas and how i would hide the fact that i couldnt drink when we were out with family and friends! We were so excited and really thought that this would be our time and the whole emotional heartbreak of the miscarriage in June wouldn't hurt so much. Little did we know that in 3 weeks time I would be recovering from surgery and in physical and mental pain :(

The pain you have described post op is normal from what I've been told. I felt exactly the same like I have been beaten up my ribs shoulder back and neck hurt so much!! And for the first few days I needed assistance getting in and out of bed. I just kept a hot water bottle on my back and took the usual painkillers, I wasn't given anything stronger. I've never had any type of surgery before, the whole process as been so draining and frightening and it is so nice to hear you have the support from your boyfriend and family. It really does makes so much of a difference as we all need that support.

Also reading and hearing about other people's journeys also makes it a whole lot better to know you are not alone and so many ladies unfortunately have similar experiences of loss. It's just hard to accept that somethings you cannot have control over and makes it worse when it's your own body and you can't stop things from happening.

Instead of the excitement of telling everyone our good news we had to break the bad news to them. I felt like total failure and even now although people keep telling me it's not my fault and I'll be okay next time I still don't really believe them as it's what they told me before and look what happened. I will accept it in time and hope times a healer. I'll never forget my experiences but it's definately made me a stronger person.

I cannot tell you how reassuring it is to hear other ladies stories on here and their success of going on to have normal pregnancies. It has really helped me be more positive. I'm over ten years older then you ladies and I'm fearful that I don't have time on my side but all I can do is hope for the best the docs seem to think everything else looks normal and this is all just bad luck...Even though I am absolutely petrified to start trying again (whenever i feel ready to) I know I have to keep positive and hopeful and keep trying till we hopefully succeed. My husband and i have been married nearly five years and we both really want a child and fingers crossed things will work out for us and for all of you as well :)

I personally feel that for me talking to people about what happened helps and I agree that you have to cry when you want, scream and shout when you want and open up with your emotions. I did try and bottle it up at first but it just made me feel worse so every now and again I still have a cry for what could have been...

I haven't been back to work yet and won't be going till the new year as my office is closed over Christmas so I will use this time to rest and try to distract myself with Christmas shopping, most of which I've had to do online as I can't get out to the shops!

My first outing is going to be on Sunday, I have my cousins baby shower to attend...not sure how I will feel but what I do know is that although it's hard to see others pregnant and glowing I am so happy for them to not have to experience what we have been through as I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. It's just a shame that some of us have to pull the short straw but hopefully it will make us stronger.

Sorry for the long message...I just get bored being on my own recovering so all my feelings decide to come out online! Hopefully it helps if not feel free to ignore!

Good luck with your recovery and wishing you ladies all the luck in the future.

Big hugs

Beej
Xx

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