Hi there,
I am feeling very alone with the experience I have recently had and wanted to reach out to find people who may have been through something similar. I became pregnant unexpectedly after both of my contraceptions failed and although this was a shock my husband and I were very happy and ready to embrace having our baby a little sooner than planned. Within three days of finding out I started spotting. My GP asked me to wait one week to see what happened before referring me to the Early Pregnancy Unit. The day before I went, my bleeding got heavier and I knew something was definitely wrong. I was scanned at the EPU the next day and told I'd had a complete miscarriage. This was devastating and I spent the next week mourning this loss with my husband. However, a week later I took another pregnancy test, as the EPU had asked me to in order to check that my hcg had gone back to normal. I had a strong positive. I then struggled to get through to the EPU on the phone for a couple of days but finally managed to get an appointment. This was on the Thursday. I had another scan which came back clear and my blood was taken. Later that day the nurse called me saying that my level was 3800 which was a concern and that I needed to return the next day for more tests. This was when I started to panic that something was really wrong.
The next day, on the Friday, a scan showed an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube and my hcg had risen to 4800. I decided to give the methotrexate injection a chance to work, as I didn't want to lose my tube, although the doctors were concerned that as my level was right on the boundary the injection had a lower chance of success. I struggled through the weekend worried about whether I would rupture, and the injection made me feel very low and unwell. The scariest thing was having a little bit of shoulder tip pain but I was so unsure of whether I was imagining it. When I went back to the hospital on the Monday, they were concerned about the shoulder pain but sent me home after taking my blood. A few hours later, I had a call from a consultant who said that my hcg had risen to over 7,500 and that I needed to come in for more assessment. Because of the big rise and my shoulder pain, the decision was made to operate that evening. I was devastated and terrified, and it just all felt so unreal. I lost my left tube and the pregnancy.
I'm now several weeks post op and am slowly recovering physically. I have good and bay days emotionally. This experience has shown me how fragile fertility is and, after several years of planning for when the right time will be to start a family, me and my husband have decided we are ready and we really want to have a baby as soon as I am well again, which won't be until February because of the injection. I am really struggling with the fact that I lost my tube but also had to have the methotrexate, as I feel depleted of my health as well as a part of my body. It is so very painful, especially as I have always wanted to be a mother. I feel guilty that I took the morning after pill, as I am sure there is a link between this and the ectopic. It is a progesterone only pill and I think there should be more research done into the effect this has after fertilisation takes place. The only place I have read about this has been on this website. It makes me feel so guilty, especially as me and my husband would very much like a child and would never have taken it if we knew that this would happen.
My heart goes out to all of the other women on this website who have gone through this terrible experience, whatever the circumstances, and I hope that we all have positive and happy experiences waiting for us in the future xxx
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Methotrexate and surgery
Re: Methotrexate and surgery
Dear Rose,
I am very sorry about your terrible experience. I also had an ectopic pregnancy, and I had a laparoscopic surgery a few weeks ago. It was my first pregnancy ever and a very wanted child. I had only 3 days to be happy about my pregnancy and then I was faced with the bad news. And now I feel that something in me has changed irreversibly.
As I mentioned, my surgery took place a few weeks ago, so I had enough time to recover and regain my forces, to return to my normal life, although with much less enthusiasm and much less joy. I passed through this challenge knowing that very soon I can try getting pregnant again and I was full of hopes that the ectopic part of the pregnancy won't repeat. A few days earlier, however, I found out that my nightmare hasn't ended, my HCG levels started increasing and now I need a treatment with Methotrexate. This means that not only my health, which is already rather poor, will face yet another challenge, but also I will not be allowed to get pregnant for quite a long time, from 4 to 6 months.
Just as you, I also feel very guilty, as I hurried up to get pregnant and, while following my ovulation days, I gave it one of the many tries to get pregnant on the day of ovulation (at that time I felt so stupidly sorry to lose the ovulation day) but in the time I had a urinal tract infection, thus I was taking antibiotics. Several doctors have reassured me that this cannot be the reason for the ectopic pregnancy, but I still blame myself, because the cause of ectopic pregnancies is yet unknown.
And now, being not so very young, ill with diabetes and hypothyroidism, after the ectopic pregnancy and the use of Methotrexate, I am as afraid as never to get pregnant again.
The only thing that keeps me alive and still happy is the love of my great husband who I value more than anything on the world. I feel that with him we can pass through all the struggles of this life. So, to all the women reading this, cherish your husbands and as long as you have their love, you can go through everything.
I am very sorry about your terrible experience. I also had an ectopic pregnancy, and I had a laparoscopic surgery a few weeks ago. It was my first pregnancy ever and a very wanted child. I had only 3 days to be happy about my pregnancy and then I was faced with the bad news. And now I feel that something in me has changed irreversibly.
As I mentioned, my surgery took place a few weeks ago, so I had enough time to recover and regain my forces, to return to my normal life, although with much less enthusiasm and much less joy. I passed through this challenge knowing that very soon I can try getting pregnant again and I was full of hopes that the ectopic part of the pregnancy won't repeat. A few days earlier, however, I found out that my nightmare hasn't ended, my HCG levels started increasing and now I need a treatment with Methotrexate. This means that not only my health, which is already rather poor, will face yet another challenge, but also I will not be allowed to get pregnant for quite a long time, from 4 to 6 months.
Just as you, I also feel very guilty, as I hurried up to get pregnant and, while following my ovulation days, I gave it one of the many tries to get pregnant on the day of ovulation (at that time I felt so stupidly sorry to lose the ovulation day) but in the time I had a urinal tract infection, thus I was taking antibiotics. Several doctors have reassured me that this cannot be the reason for the ectopic pregnancy, but I still blame myself, because the cause of ectopic pregnancies is yet unknown.
And now, being not so very young, ill with diabetes and hypothyroidism, after the ectopic pregnancy and the use of Methotrexate, I am as afraid as never to get pregnant again.
The only thing that keeps me alive and still happy is the love of my great husband who I value more than anything on the world. I feel that with him we can pass through all the struggles of this life. So, to all the women reading this, cherish your husbands and as long as you have their love, you can go through everything.
