My Story

[Kimmy2701]

Hi, thank you for coming here to read my story. This is the first time that I have ever belonged to any kind of forum but have already started to feel comfort in reading some of the other posts on here. I know I am not alone.

My husband and I still live with my parents and while we were wanting to save to buy our first home, at the age of 31 I decided that I needed to consider my body clock, especially if I wanted more than one child. I had been thinking about being a mum for a very long time and my sister had a little girl in March 2016 which didn't help with my broodiness! I discussed the matter with my husband and we both decided to start trying for a baby.

I had been on the pill since I was in senior school (for acne initially) and was concerned that it could take me some time to conceive. In September I came off the pill and we started TTC.

During this time, my grandad who had Alzheimer's became very unwell due to a blockage in the bowel. He was admitted to hospital but developed pneumonia. Unfortunately he was not responding to the treatment and eventually they stopped all treatment and he was moved to a room for end of life care. He wouldn't eat or drink and I slowly watched him deteriorate everyday until he passed away on 26 October 2016. I was heartbroken! The funeral was on 15 November and it was wonderful send off with a lovely horse drawn hearse which he would have loved.

By 30 November I was nearly 2 weeks late for my period so took a pregnancy test which came back negative. I put the late period down to the fact that it was still pretty soon after coming off the pill (I'd only had 1 cycle) and also to the stress of losing my grandad.

As time went by however I started to notice that my breasts were painful and after a while of still not having had any sign of a period, I took another pregnancy test on 12 December which came back positive. My husband and I were over the moon and I straight away self referred myself to the antenatal unit. I was 7+2 weeks at this point.

I received my first appointment at the hospital which I attended and was given my maternity folder. I then received an appointment for my 12 week scan for 19 January 2017. I'd have to get through the work xmas party and New Year's Eve without letting on that I was pregnant! A hard task for someone whose always being one to enjoy a drink on a night out!

My husband and I were literally counting down the days until my first scan although I was trying not to get too excited as I had a friend who had recently miscarried only finding out at her scan when there was no heartbeat. I was terrified of something like that happening to us.

With only 3 days to go and having now hit the 12 week mark, I was starting to get more excited and to feel as though we were reaching that safety line.

On Monday 16 Jan throughout the day I had noticed some very dark spotting but having looked into this believed it was nothing to worry about and that a lot of women experience this. However at around 7pm I started to experience some bleeding. It was literally like I was having a period. I tried not to worry but 3 hours later I was still bleeding and noticed some small clots. I told my husband about it and started to cry, I thought I was having a miscarriage. He took me to A&E and after 2 hours was told I'd have to wait for a phone call the following morning to see if the Early Pregnancy Unit could fit me in for an emergency scan.
I went home feeling terrified that I was losing our baby and knowing there was nothing I could do about it.

The following morning I got the call and went in for my scan. Anxiously sitting in the waiting room for an hour before being called in. The midwife did an ultrasound and said that my womb was empty and that one of the clots I had passed was likely our baby. She carried out an internal scan and said that she could see a mass but believed it was just where I had ovulated. She called in another doctor who agreed with her but decided to take my bloods anyway to be sure. She signed me off for 2 weeks for a miscarriage.

That afternoon the midwife called me again saying that my HCG levels were high but that was to be expected given I was 12+ weeks but that my progesterone levels were borderline for ectopic pregnancy. She said that she was going to get another doctor to look at my scan pictures the following day and they would call if need be but otherwise just to come back on Thursday for another blood test.

At this point I really did not believe that the pregnancy was ectopic, she had said that they were just being overly cautious. I really believed that I had miscarried.

The next morning the midwife called again and said that the doctor had reviewed my scan and was concerned it could be ectopic and I was asked to come in as soon as possible that day for another scan.

Off I went to the EPU where I was left sitting for over 2 hours. My husband had to go and move the car because the parking ticket had run out. I sat and watched woman after woman go in and out. One lady came out with a number of scan pictures of her baby and was showing them to her friends in the waiting room. I was sat by myself trying to hold back the tears. The doctor came and apologised for the wait saying she had one more patient to see and that I would be next.

I was finally called in but my husband was still trying to find a parking space in the hospital car park. I went ahead with the scan alone when the doctor gave me the dreaded news... my pregnancy was ectopic in my right Fallopian tube and due to the size (being at 12+4 weeks) they would need to operate that day to remove the pregnancy and my tube for fear of a rupture.

I was admitted straight into a ward where I was asked to sign consent forms and forms about what to do with the 'remains'. I had no time to think or really process what was going on at this point. They did the surgery that evening. They also removed a large cyst from my left ovary.

I woke up in recovery and was taken back to the ward where my husband, mum, dad and sister were all waiting for me. My husband and sister were trying to hold back tears but I emotionally felt fine. Physically however I was in agony.

I came home the following day with painkillers and and sick note for 2 weeks.

It took me a few days and once the physical pain started to subside, my emotions kicked in and I've been a wreck ever since. I keep crying, sometimes for no real reason. I wasn't sleeping either but I went back to my GP on Monday who prescribed me with some sleeping tablets, just for a couple of weeks.

I can't bear to see anyone other than my husbabnd and direct family and have barely left my room. Whilst I love my niece to pieces and love seeing her everyday, I'm also finding it so hard to see her with her mum (my sister) reminding me of what I should have been looking forward to.

My husband and I decided to name our little jelly bean. I hated not being able to say he or she as it made them not seem real. We decided to call her Summer Rose and we are both having some jewellery made in her memory that we can each wear and keep her close.

I'm still so all over the place trying to process everything. Terrified of what the future may or may not hold for us and heartbroken at the loss of Summer Rose when I'm still grieving for the loss of my grandad too! Definitely going through the hardest time of my life right now but feeling some relief and comfort knowing that the EPT and its members are all here to help this recovery and healing process.

I hope I haven't rambled on too much but had so much I wanted to say!

Thank you for reading xx

[katiewate_83]

I felt so tearful reading your story Kimmy2701. Maybe because I can relate to your experience, or maybe because I can feel your pain in your words. Just remember time heals all things and you will have a baby in your arms soon. It's lovely you gave her a name. I however am the opposite to you and prefer not to think about it to much-although I firmly believe we will see our babies on the other side!

Try to gradually build up to seeing people. You still have a wonderful life to live. Live it in your beautiful daughters name!

And remember that you have friends here- we've all been through a unique experience and we all handle things differently, but we are all strong women who have this experience in common.

Take care my lovely,
Katie

[Jenny3395]

Hey kimmy,

I too was very tearful reading your story. I can completely relate to how you feel. I am
Now 10 days post surgery to remove my left Fallopian tube. I was nearly 7 weeks and we very much wanted our baby. My story is very similar to yours, particularly the care and treatment you received from the EPU, all the waiting around for hours and having to watch al the families share pictures of scans, I felt guilty but I so wanted that to be me. I was first treated with methotrexate which was unsuccessful and led to internal
Bleeding and emergency surgery when I was on holiday! Anyways, I woke up in recovery and was taken back to the ward where my family were all waiting. It was then that I was told they had removed my tube and found a "very large" ectopic pregnancy. I cried at first but then felt ok, focusing my energy on dealing with the physical pain and that horrid had they pump into you! But then for days I would burst into tears and not want to see anyone other than my partner and immediate family. But I am now 10 days on and whilst I'm not 100% I feel I am doing ok. Some days are better than others but I try to focus my thoughts on getting healthy and trying again in the summer. I see it now as training for a marathon, her fitter and healthier, emotionally as well as physically. I also intend on doing some fundraising for the site as it has helped me no end.
As a final thought I really wish women presenting with miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy could be treated as priority and avoid the sitting in waiting rooms or being sent home to fear the worst for days on end! That was [heck] for us. Who knows maybe it will change!
I'm sending you huge hugs and love, you're strong and you can fight this xxx