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Feeling really down
Feeling really down
I had an ep in July, my 3rd loss which was treated with 2 doses of methotrexate. It was a pretty tough couple of months but I have been feeling better however it's my due date in a couple of weeks (5th March) and I feel really down about it. It's not helped that my ex's fiancee is due on the same as me and she's going to be induced tomorrow....my little girl is so excited! I've also got a friend with a 4 week old and my husband's friend has a 2 week old. I'm really struggling and my husband just doesn't understand. He thinks this isn't a normal way to feel and can't see why it's affecting me so much....so much so that I stopped talking to him about it but that's just caused a huge argument. He thinks the only way to get over it is to talk to someone like a counsellor or a psychiatrist. I think I just need a hug and to get through the next few days until the new baby is here. Admittedly I am quite an emotional person and he's not really one for showing his feelings. He's firmly in the "if we have a baby then great but if we don't then we don't" camp. I really wanted one....though not so sure anymore. Am I overreacting? He thinks I should be over it by now. Thanks x
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Re: Feeling really down
Dear El Mc,
I wish I we didn't put pressure on ourselves to 'get over it'. You are grieving over the loss of your baby and for that their is no time frame.
It's been seven years since I lost my baby through ectopic pregnancy and on our anniversary I still have a cry. I know the ectopic pregnancy wasn't my fault but I also know that I will never forget my baby.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. Just after my ectopic pregnancy, I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Stress can manifest itself in many ways including affecting your eating habits, sleep and wellbeing.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask me any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling services
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Be kind to yourself, surround yourself with those who understand, we are here for you.
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
I wish I we didn't put pressure on ourselves to 'get over it'. You are grieving over the loss of your baby and for that their is no time frame.
It's been seven years since I lost my baby through ectopic pregnancy and on our anniversary I still have a cry. I know the ectopic pregnancy wasn't my fault but I also know that I will never forget my baby.
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. Just after my ectopic pregnancy, I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and I will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Stress can manifest itself in many ways including affecting your eating habits, sleep and wellbeing.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask me any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.
We have information on our website about finding counselling services
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Be kind to yourself, surround yourself with those who understand, we are here for you.
Sending much love,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
Re: Feeling really down
Hi Karen, thank you for your kind reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it's been 6 years since I lost my son and i still feel like his anniversary is his special day too.
I'd forgotten you have a phone line, thanks for reminding me.
I had a good talk with my husband and I finally think I've made him understand a little. I told him I wanted him to have a vasectomy because he's spoken about it before and he was suddenly really quiet. When i asked and after some probing he told me he felt sad and agreed it was like he was losing something so I repeated back to him all the stuff he's said to me over the years like how can you be sad about something that wasn't 'real' and he finally got it. He saw that it is possible to genuinely miss an 'idea' and the hopes and dreams of an unborn or indeed not-yet-conceived baby. I do feel bad about it as he looked so sad but I think he deserved it a tiny bit. We've actually decided to give it one more try!
We're still waiting on my ex's baby being born but I'm doing a bit better. Like you said, I'm trying to be kind to myself and not feel like I have to act in or should feel a particular way.
Many thanks again
El x
I'd forgotten you have a phone line, thanks for reminding me.
I had a good talk with my husband and I finally think I've made him understand a little. I told him I wanted him to have a vasectomy because he's spoken about it before and he was suddenly really quiet. When i asked and after some probing he told me he felt sad and agreed it was like he was losing something so I repeated back to him all the stuff he's said to me over the years like how can you be sad about something that wasn't 'real' and he finally got it. He saw that it is possible to genuinely miss an 'idea' and the hopes and dreams of an unborn or indeed not-yet-conceived baby. I do feel bad about it as he looked so sad but I think he deserved it a tiny bit. We've actually decided to give it one more try!
We're still waiting on my ex's baby being born but I'm doing a bit better. Like you said, I'm trying to be kind to myself and not feel like I have to act in or should feel a particular way.
Many thanks again
El x
