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Is it normal

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Rainbowlasskc
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:24 am

Is it normal

Post by Rainbowlasskc »

Hi all, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy on Wednesday and had to have my left tube removed as it had ruptured and my tummy was filling with blood. During the surgery my heart rate became dangerously low and I had to have chest compressions so it was all very dramatic. We were 8 weeks pregnant and had known for 3 weeks about the baby.
I am not sure it's normal but I have not got upset about the loss of my baby yet though my husband and our family have and I worry is it normal for me not to have grieved. I know I am still dealing with the physical pain as my surgery was only a few days ago but I am worried I won't be able to grieve emotionally

EPT Host 22
Posts: 659
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: Is it normal

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Rainbowlasskc,

I am so incredibly sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. It is so heartbreaking. It is a traumatic event and these boards are filled with women’s voices who understand what you have gone through.

Your ectopic pregnancy has been so recent that both your physical and emotional healing will take time. As each women is different, there is no set timeframe, no set way to process the events. As well, it is important to remember that there is nothing you could have done to prevent an ectopic pregnancy. While family and friends do their best to express support, offering the correct expressions in time of grief is difficult. As well, and sadly, experiencing an ectopic is truly only understood after going through it. It is important to take this time to look after yourself.

These Boards are a safe place for you to vent your thoughts as the emotions come. As well, you may find that keeping a journal helps to process how your feelings are shifting and ask the questions that you are thinking. Please know that we are here for as long as you need, both on the Boards, but as well by email and phone if you would like to connect.

Please take good care of yourself.

With kind regards,

Michele

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Eleog
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:47 pm

Re: Is it normal

Post by Eleog »

I have felt very guilty because I never really grieved for my pregnancy. We only knew I was pregnant for a couple of days.

Once I knew it was ectopic (I had suspected it for days) I had to have surgery right away because I had internal bleedings like you. I remember the nurses comforting me by saying I would have a baby some day. After the surgery I heard a baby cry and a nurse told me 'how hard that must be for me'. But all I could think was how relieved I was I was still alive and that the EP was gone. Honestly, my health was the only thing I cared about. When people tell me 'sorry for your loss' I don't really feel what they're talking about. I lost my tube and the prospect of a careless pregnancy. But I never grieved the loss of a baby.

I had an early miscarriage in December and I was very sad about that. But my EP felt more of a health crisis than the loss of a pregnancy. It's a shock to the system when your life is suddenly in danger and I think the primal survival instinct kicks in.

I feel very guilty about this, like I'm not 'maternal' enough somehow. But my boyfriend feels the same way and says it's only normal.

You knew about it for three weeks so maybe it's worse for you. But anyway, feel what you feel, don't feel bad about what you don't feel. I wish you the best.

katia86
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 9:12 pm

Re: Is it normal

Post by katia86 »

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience. To echo Michele, it is a really traumatic thing to go through and there are no 'right answers' in terms of what you should feel and when. Everyone experiences grief differently and there is no 'normal' or right or wrong.

I've just had an ectopic pregnancy too, and I thought it might be helpful to share my experience.

I had a miscarriage in April (my first pregnancy) - I felt devastated and I got pregnant immediately afterwards. This second pregnancy turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. This ruptured causing internal bleeding; I had to have emergency surgery and left tube was removed - this was around 10 days ago.

To begin with I just felt in shock. I was trying to get my head around everything that had happened and focussing on my physical recovery. I found that telling family/close friends about what happened helped me to process it myself. I don't think I had the energy or headspace to fully grieve. I knew my life could have been at risk and this was what was front of mind.
Only as the physical pain reduced (around a week later), have I started to have more emotional feelings about what's happened. I feel so sad that I lost my baby (again) and worried that my fertility is reduced. I just feel so desperate to have a healthy pregnancy, while for my husband it's too early to even think about the possibility of a future pregnancy yet - seeing me so ill has made him very worried and he sees any future pregnancy as a risk.

I found that some reactions of my friends/family were more helpful than others. Some were really supportive, whilst others asked some really insensitive questions and behaved in a way which made me really quite angry!

You have had so much to deal with in such a short space of time - look after yourself and try not to put pressure on yourself about how you are feeling.

Take care x

Rainbowlasskc
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:24 am

Re: Is it normal

Post by Rainbowlasskc »

Thank you all. I managed to sleep for the first time in almost 2 weeks and today I can't stop crying so I think it's all finally hit me. I don't really know how I'm feeling now to be honest I just keep getting upset randomly

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