I can't deny it any more, I'm depressed. I need help. I don't want to go to the doctor. Counsellors are useless and pills don't fix anything.
My husband and I have worked through our grief after the ectopic but he's unsympathetic/unsupportive to where I'm now at. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know how to get myself out of this. Can't turn to my parents. Don't have any siblings. My friends don't understand. I feel so isolated.
I know I need to eat better, but I don't have energy/motivation to cook nice meals any more. Whatever's easiest gets done, even if it's toast and ice cream. I don't get support from hubby in this - no help cooking.
I know I need to exercise, but I am ashamed to go to a fitness class or public space. I've put on half a stone in the past couple of weeks and a stone overall since we found out about the ectopic. I've never been heavier, more unfit, more self-conscious or more miserable.
I'm struggling to get up on a morning, I'm exhausted all the time, I can't concentrate, and I feel low a lot of the time - constantly this week.
I work for myself, by myself, from home, so I spend most of my days completely alone. I can't do my job. I can't focus, or concentrate, and am trapped in a cycle of beating myself up about failing to get on with stuff, get stuff done, and cope. I'm missing all my deadlines but struggling to care any more.
Please, I would really appreciate any help, What can I do to get myself out of this?? I can't rely on anyone else, and I am desperate to get off this downward spiral but it feels impossible. There's got to be a way. I feel like posting here is a last ditch attempt to try find any help with this before I have to resign myself to the fact this stupid ectopic has ruined my life and I'm stuck being fat, unhealthy and depressed for god knows how long.
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Depressed. Please help.
Re: Depressed. Please help.
Hey hun first ov all ur not alone I'm here iv been through the same thing and I'm still grieving but u are not alone take each day as it comes honestly it gets easier it may be worth going to the doctors there's no shame you have been through alot and they will understand xxxxx tell me how u r feeling if it helps because I'm probably feeling the same xxx a problem shared is a problem halved xxxx
Re: Depressed. Please help.
Thank you Lynette, I appreciate that, and I hope you are coping better than me, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I just don't know how to pick myself up. I want to be happy, healthy, fit, and not so vulnerable, scared and emotionally volatile again. I want to be able to think long term again and not have to take things day by day... I want to be normal again. I want to be ME again. I don't know how to get back there.
This is so hard.
I don't want to go to the doctors because I don't see how they can help. They're going to send me to a counsellor, which I've tried before for a separate issue, and it was useless, more upsetting and frustrating than anything, because the counsellor was useless. Or give pills, which I don't believe fixes anything - just hides the problem.
I just don't know how to pick myself up. I want to be happy, healthy, fit, and not so vulnerable, scared and emotionally volatile again. I want to be able to think long term again and not have to take things day by day... I want to be normal again. I want to be ME again. I don't know how to get back there.
This is so hard. I don't want to go to the doctors because I don't see how they can help. They're going to send me to a counsellor, which I've tried before for a separate issue, and it was useless, more upsetting and frustrating than anything, because the counsellor was useless. Or give pills, which I don't believe fixes anything - just hides the problem.
Re: Depressed. Please help.
U will feel normal again uv lost ur baby u need to grieve be mad if u need to be cry if u need to I was the same it gets easier day by day but don't push ur hubby away he's grieving too remember just take small steps n yes I no its hard xxxx
Re: Depressed. Please help.
U need to be positive that u r alive is good enough at least u have another shot xx I was given 24hrs to live so no I'm not coping to well but I have to try no one can drag us from this car crash but us I'm always here n I will help you through xxxcc
Re: Depressed. Please help.
Hi there,
I'm not sure I can help much, but I didn't want to read this and not reply. I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. It is such a difficult thing to go through.
I understand your reluctance to go to the doctor - I have also had personal experience of also having a terrible counsellor (I mean really, really awful!) but subsequently had someone who was much better (that did cognitive behavioural therapy). I appreciate it can be a bit hit and miss, but I do wonder if talking things through is ultimately what might be helpful to help break down all the different thoughts and feelings which are overwhelming - whoever that's with? Or is it possible to get a personal recommendation?
With exercise, personally I found going to a zumba class really helped me - there is one I went to which is pretty easy going/light hearted - particularly being during the day, it was quite a mix of women of all ages that went and so it felt more like an enjoyable activity and didn't matter that I had no coordination - it felt non judgemental (whereas with some of the more 'hardcore' fitness classes I felt bit more intimidated!). I also tried yoga which is another good one for doing things at your own pace. Personally, I've found exercise really helps me when I'm feeling low (so it's particularly annoying GP has advised me I can't exercise for 6 weeks after surgery!)
I think being at home all day must be so hard too and perhaps that makes you 'spiral' a little bit - is there anything you could do to get out of the house a bit? Perhaps a class in something you enjoy - painting, poetry, languages etc.? I know it's really difficult to get yourself motivated, but sometimes just 'going through the motions' is a useful starting point...
I also just wanted to say, I know it feels really hopeless at the moment but please don't feel that it will be like this forever.
Thinking of you and sending you best wishes
I'm not sure I can help much, but I didn't want to read this and not reply. I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. It is such a difficult thing to go through.
I understand your reluctance to go to the doctor - I have also had personal experience of also having a terrible counsellor (I mean really, really awful!) but subsequently had someone who was much better (that did cognitive behavioural therapy). I appreciate it can be a bit hit and miss, but I do wonder if talking things through is ultimately what might be helpful to help break down all the different thoughts and feelings which are overwhelming - whoever that's with? Or is it possible to get a personal recommendation?
With exercise, personally I found going to a zumba class really helped me - there is one I went to which is pretty easy going/light hearted - particularly being during the day, it was quite a mix of women of all ages that went and so it felt more like an enjoyable activity and didn't matter that I had no coordination - it felt non judgemental (whereas with some of the more 'hardcore' fitness classes I felt bit more intimidated!). I also tried yoga which is another good one for doing things at your own pace. Personally, I've found exercise really helps me when I'm feeling low (so it's particularly annoying GP has advised me I can't exercise for 6 weeks after surgery!)
I think being at home all day must be so hard too and perhaps that makes you 'spiral' a little bit - is there anything you could do to get out of the house a bit? Perhaps a class in something you enjoy - painting, poetry, languages etc.? I know it's really difficult to get yourself motivated, but sometimes just 'going through the motions' is a useful starting point...
I also just wanted to say, I know it feels really hopeless at the moment but please don't feel that it will be like this forever.
Thinking of you and sending you best wishes
-
EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3168
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: Depressed. Please help.
Dear espoir,
Oh gosh, I wish I could give you a huge hug and take this pain away from you.
You truly are not alone though, we are all here for you. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Stress can manifest itself in many ways including affecting your eating habits and wellbeing - this could be contributing to your weight gain and I would suggest speaking to your doctors to ensure you get the help you need.
The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. I know you mentioned that you did not want to see your Dr but I've personally found that some are more understanding than others and if you have had a bad experience in the past do not hesitate to ask for an appointment with another Dr.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
We have information on our website about finding counselling services on our website, and again if you have had a negative experience in the past, do not let that stop you from accessing help from a different counsellor.
I had counselling following my ectopic pregnancy, it was difficult but I'm glad I did it as it made me realise that although I will never forget my pregnancy and baby, I have learnt to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't my fault.
Please do not hesitate to contact the Trust via email or for a telephone call, the details are below and we will be hear for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
Oh gosh, I wish I could give you a huge hug and take this pain away from you.
You truly are not alone though, we are all here for you. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Stress can manifest itself in many ways including affecting your eating habits and wellbeing - this could be contributing to your weight gain and I would suggest speaking to your doctors to ensure you get the help you need.
The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. I know you mentioned that you did not want to see your Dr but I've personally found that some are more understanding than others and if you have had a bad experience in the past do not hesitate to ask for an appointment with another Dr.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
We have information on our website about finding counselling services on our website, and again if you have had a negative experience in the past, do not let that stop you from accessing help from a different counsellor.
I had counselling following my ectopic pregnancy, it was difficult but I'm glad I did it as it made me realise that although I will never forget my pregnancy and baby, I have learnt to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't my fault.
Please do not hesitate to contact the Trust via email or for a telephone call, the details are below and we will be hear for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
**********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
**********************************************************************************************
Re: Depressed. Please help.
Dear espoir:
Like the other women have said, I wish I could hug you and take away your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. Drowning is the best way to describe what this feels like, and perhaps that's the best analogy we have to get along the road to recovery.
First, forget about the weight gain. It's happened to me, too, and I know I need to take care of it by I need to take care of my soul first.
Second, what can you latch onto as your life preserver? Are you craft or artistic? Do you like to read or write? Allow yourself time to discover your needed healing path through those things that you love most. And then you'll start to find joy in the little things again - like cooking.
Find something that speaks to you. Maybe it's volunteering somewhere. Therapy/Counseling doesn't need to be with a person, but through something that makes you feel at peace. Then the happiness will come. For me, I have found a place to volunteer with retired horses. I just like being around those old, fuzzy four-leggers.
Sending you lots of good vibes and positive thoughts. You will get through this.
Like the other women have said, I wish I could hug you and take away your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. Drowning is the best way to describe what this feels like, and perhaps that's the best analogy we have to get along the road to recovery.
First, forget about the weight gain. It's happened to me, too, and I know I need to take care of it by I need to take care of my soul first.
Second, what can you latch onto as your life preserver? Are you craft or artistic? Do you like to read or write? Allow yourself time to discover your needed healing path through those things that you love most. And then you'll start to find joy in the little things again - like cooking.
Find something that speaks to you. Maybe it's volunteering somewhere. Therapy/Counseling doesn't need to be with a person, but through something that makes you feel at peace. Then the happiness will come. For me, I have found a place to volunteer with retired horses. I just like being around those old, fuzzy four-leggers.
Sending you lots of good vibes and positive thoughts. You will get through this.
