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Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
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Katymcc88-
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:18 am

Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Katymcc88- »

Hi everyone,

I had an Ectopic pregnancy on June 2nd, we went to the hospital for a booked scan as I was bleeding, she did the scan and told me she couldn't find a heartbeat then asked me to do a pregnancy test which showed positive within seconds so I had to have an internal examination, we were so terrified she said the pregnancy is in my right ovary and that I would need an operation. Me and my boyfriend were moved to this room and within minutes nurses were doing my bloods and telling me nil by mouth. Even they looked worried which panicked me.

I will never forget being in that room, even she had a worried look on her face. At the time I did feel somewhat 'lucky' though as my pregnancy hormone level was 4884 and I was able to have the injection rather than surgery. It's think that's just because I was so terrified at the thought of having an operation. Now I've been back to the hospital four times and the level is dropping each time which is good but I can't help thinking that if I was to have the operation the hospital part would have been done and I wouldn't have had to go back to the maternity ward any more, each time I go back it brings it all back the smell, the pictures of baby's on the wall, walking past the shop selling the tiny baby clothes, seeing all the pregnant women I know my boyfriend is hurting inside as well and when we see the women we don't say anything to each other we just look the other way.

We've been trying for two years and this is my very first pregnancy it's completely scared us and for now we've been put off. Hopefully in the future we will change our minds.

I've messaged on here because we haven't got anybody to talk to, was anybody else offered counselling? I'm not sure if the NHS offers it anymore, I feel like when I'm discharged everything will just get forgotten about but I think something is wrong with my stomach all I can think of is we've been trying for a baby for two years and the very first time I ever get pregnant the egg didn't get released from my ovary. I feel like a complete failure I know this website says it's not my fault but it's my body that can't do what's required not my boyfriends.

Sorry for the long message I just wanted to get it off my chest x

Rainbowlasskc
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 3:24 am

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Rainbowlasskc »

I am so sorry for what happened. The folks on here are wonderful and the help and advice they give you really helps. There are so many ladies on here who have been through what we have and are able to be that listening ear as it's difficult talking to someone who hasn't experienced it.

I had my right tube removed 3 weeks ago this Wednesday. I was convinced I had trapped wind after calling the early pregnancy unit in Glasgow I was asked to come in to see them for a scan at half 11. Even in the waiting room I was sat saying to my other half I'm sure it's trapped wind we will be fine won't we? Let's go for lunch after we get a photo of our baby. Then I got taken for the scan the midwife said she was sure it was ectopic but couldn't see where it was as there was a lot of liquid in my tummy. They started taking my bloods and paiging the gynaecology surgeon next I was in a Gyno emergency room with a doctor putting an IV in my hand and a nurse asking me all sorts of questions. The surgeon came in explained what was going to happen and had me sign a form for consent. Said I would be in surgery in a couple of hours which I thought ok that gives me a second to get my head around all of this. Next minute he popped back in and said I was going now. My partner got to come so far and then had to leave. I got to the sort of waiting room for the surgery and all of these people introduced themselves to me. They had me sign another form which I am so angry they had me do on my own. It was a form about the remains of my child and what I wanted doing with it. Then I've got the nurse who was actually wonderful explain things again to me and pop the stickers for the monitors onto me and wheel me into the anaesthetic room. Met more people who i have no idea who they were and next I knew I was awake at 5pm asking for my other half with an oxygen mask on.

I was told when I was awake the consultant would come to see me as at this point we didn't know if I lost a tube and I'd over heard something about chest compressions and wanted to know what happened. The consultant never came to see me till 10am the next morning and told me my heart had slowed to a dangerously low rate as they put me to sleep which resulted in chest compressions and adrenaline injections.

Now I'm home and feeling better physically but mentally it's torture my wonderful husband went back to work today and it's my first day on my own with my own head it's hard it really is.

Sorry that was so long and I feel like I rambled a lot but wanted to share with you my experience and let you know we are all here for you and will do my best to support you.

Katymcc88-
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:18 am

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Katymcc88- »

Thank you so much for replying to me, and for telling me about your experience.

We were the same, my boyfriend was saying that after we got home from the scan that he wanted to wash the car, even on our way there he said 'if you like this hospital, you will probably want to give birth here won't you' we were in complete shock when she said it was Ectopic I didn't really know what it was at the time.

Do you mind me asking if your off work whilst you recover? I am I don't feel ready to go back yet, luckily my boss has been fantastic about it all even sent us flowers to the house.

We're you offered any sort of support? As I say we haven't been yet and I doubt we will be offered anything. But just talking to you who has gone through the same thing has helped so again thank you for taking the time to reply to me x

katia86
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 8:12 pm

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by katia86 »

Hi there,

So sorry to hear about your experience. What a scary experience, especially finding out about the chest compressions must have been terrifying.

Just thought I would share mine too.

I got pregnant immediately after a miscarriage. As soon as I found out about this 2nd pregnancy I knew something was wrong as I had been bleeding. I started getting cramps and went to the GP who booked me in for an early scan a week later. However, one evening a few days later the pain started getting much worse. I wasn't sure whether to go to hospital because I thought if I was miscarrying again I would rather be at home. I phoned 111 and I got an outpatient appointment at the hospital 20mins later. By the time I got there the pain was so bad it was making me vomit - the worst pain I've ever experienced. I knew it must be ectopic because the pain was so severe and was on one side and I knew this was a sign of ectopic pregnancy.

The outpatient doctor suggested I could go home and wait for the early scan (booked for 4 days time) and come back if the pain got worse (!!!) or they could refer me to obs and gynae specialist to make sure they're happy before I went home. I opted for the latter. The obs and gynae people did a scan and thought I might be bleeding internally - but couldn't confirm this as they needed to do an internal scan and because it was so late there wasn't anyone who could do the internal scan until the morning. I was admitted overnight and they did my obs every 30mins.

The next morning a consultant came and spoke to me and told me they might need to do an operation - and if they did, everything would happen very quickly so he was going to tell me about it now because there wouldn't be time to explain after the scan. That totally panicked me and I phoned my mum to come to the hospital. They did the internal scan which confirmed it and I was so scared. I told them my mum would be there in 10-15mins and they said they might not be able to wait that long. Fortunately she arrived just as I was signing forms.

I felt the same thing going into surgery - so many people introducing themselves! I couldn't stop crying because I was so frightened, but they were all really kind. After the operation someone came to talk to me about what had happened, but I was just coming round from anaesthetic and my husband/mum were still in shock. Now I can think of so many questions I wish I'd asked them - like did they check if my right tube was OK before they removed my left tube?

I was off work for 2 weeks and then I did a phased return last week. My work have been great and I've been able to work from home (saving me a 3hour roundtrip commute). I feel like I should be able to build my hours up more quickly and that people will get frustrated with me (even though they've been great and said nothing to make me think that!) I feel OK doing what I'm doing at the moment but I'm worried about pushing it further. My pain has mostly gone now, so it's mainly low energy and I find it really hard to cope with pressure, and sometimes also very difficult to concentrate.

Similar to you, I'm so worried about trying again. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and then an ectopic... my husband is terrified about something happening to me and thinks we should explore other options instead. To be honest I don't really know what I think.

Sorry, bit of a brain dump! Just so much on my mind, I feel like I've gone over it so many times and it still hasn't sunk in! I really do wish you all the best and if there's anything I can do to help I am here xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2273
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Katymcc88-,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I too was treated with methotraxate and fully understand how difficult it is going back to the hospital for the regular blood tests, and I think many of us have felt how you do just now. I am afraid if is difficult to predict how long it will take for your hormone levels reach non-pregnant levels. As we are all individual, our bodies respond differently to the drug and it depends on factors like how high levels reached and our unique physiology. What I can say is that it can take a number of weeks and, while it can take some time, it is not as invasive a procedure as surgery. It is also encouraging that your levels are falling steadily although I appreciate that it can be a drawn out process. Also, in terms of chances of future successful pregnancies, studies do not show a significant difference between treatment routes, whether surgical, medical using methotrexate or expectant management (allowing time for the body to resolve the pregnancy itself). In fact Methotrexate is at least as good as surgery in terms of subsequent successful pregnancies. This may be due to the fact that medical treatment is non-invasive, whereas surgery may cause some scarring around the tube.

In time, we can get to a place where feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
We are here too. TTC is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss. You are not alone, we are here for emotional support whenever you need us. There is also a specific TTC board can look at too whenever feel ready.

The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So thats 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. Importantly, help is available if conceiving naturally has not yet been successful after some time trying - and the EPT advises that women under 35 should seek medical advice following 12 months trying to conceive and those over 35 should seek advice after 6 months. As you had been trying for two years prior to this pregnancy, I would think it worthwhile speaking to your doctors who can look into any appropriate tests for you and your partner and investigate further.
As a gentle reminder, with Methotrexate, you should wait until your hCG levels have fallen to below 5mIU/mL (your doctor will advise you when this is through blood tests) and then take a folic acid supplement for 12 weeks before you try to conceive. This is because the Methotrexate may have reduced the level of folate in your body which is needed to ensure a baby develops healthily. The Methotrexate is metabolised quickly but it can affect the quality of your cells, including those of your eggs and the quality of your blood for up to three months after it has been given. The medicine can also affect the way your liver works and so you need to give your body time to recover properly before a new pregnancy is considered. A shortage of folate could result in a greater chance of a baby having a neural tube defect such as hare lip, cleft palate, or even spina bifida or other NT defects. This is why the "wait" and then taking folic acid for 12 weeks before trying to conceive is so important.

I was not offered counselling following my ectopic pregnancy and sadly I do not think it is common place to be offered.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Much love,
Karen x

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Lynette
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 3:21 pm

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Lynette »

Hi I had a 9week ectopic and did not even know I was pregnant until I was rushed to theatre lost My tube on the left the following day the consult came round to explain the procedure I had done and shown me a picture of the baby I never k ew I was carrying which I did not want to see but had no choice totally gutted then told me I would ov died 24hrs later "great" I don't know what I would ov done without this sight it is helping me massively I'm so empty xxxx

katia86
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 8:12 pm

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by katia86 »

Lynette - I can't believe they showed you a photo of the baby without asking you first, that's so insensitive and traumatising. I'm glad the site has been useful and I hope your recovery is going well - take care

jkrier84
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jun 15, 2017 1:51 pm

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by jkrier84 »

Hi, katia86. I found out about my ectopic on June 4. Like you, they scanned my abdomen but could not see anything so I had to have the internal - which I despise. I find them so intrusive. I know they are necessary, but they always upset me. My levels were about the same as yours, so I made a deal with the doctor that day to wait until the next day before deciding to do surgery. "Luckily" the doctor the next day decided the shot was just fine.

I am so sorry your all of your pain - the physical, mental, and the emotional. It sucks. That's really all I can say about it. But, hopefully with this site and the support, you'll begin to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel as well. Sending you good vibes!

Katymcc88-
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:18 am

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Katymcc88- »

Thank you to everybody who has taken the time to send a reply today, it has already made me feel that bit better.

Hopefully we can all heal together and in time move on from these dark times xx

Rainbowlasskc
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 3:24 am

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Rainbowlasskc »

Yeah I'm off work just now. I started working from home a week after but had to stop on Wednesday because it finally sunk in for me emotionally. Speak to your doctor who can suggest help because the hospital never offered me anything. The doctor told me about Glasgow wellbeing and they offer therapy sessions but called them on Wednesday and heard nothing yet x

Lynette
Posts: 51
Joined: Sun May 28, 2017 3:21 pm

Re: Ectopic pregnancy- I don't know how to feel

Post by Lynette »

Thankyou Katie xxxx I am always here for a chat xxxxx

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