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Ectopic pregnancy, coil removal, arm implant, emotionless
Ectopic pregnancy, coil removal, arm implant, emotionless
Hi. Last Thursday I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my fallopian tube which had to be removed. I had no idea I was pregnant and was particularly surprised because I had an IUD (copper coil). I haven't been with my partner for very long and in fact there isn't even a 'label' on our relationship at the moment, so saying 'partner' doesn't feel quite right. We are close but ultimately I have doubts over the longevity of it. Aside this and back to the physical stuff, 2 days after my surgery I had my coil removed (it has been a nightmare from beginning to end) and an implant in my arm. A week since my surgery I am still bleeding quite a lot, which I think is probably normal and I've seen my doctor who thought it was too, but it feels more complicated and difficult to understand what normal looks like, having had a new contraceptive placed in me such a short time after the surgery. At the moment I'm focusing on physical recovery and I'm guessing that the emotional part is in the post, because just now I feel pretty numb and matter-of-fact about it all. It's only just starting to sink in that I nearly died (even saying that sounds over-dramatic despite it being true). This all happened a day and a half after I'd collapsed twice at home - I live by myself - with heavy bleeding and had duff advice from NHS 24 who essentially told me to have a cup of tea and go back to bed. I went to work the next day but spoke to a doctor on the phone as I couldn't get an appointment that day, and it was only when the doctor called me back that night saying that he'd run my case past the gynaelogical unit and that they'd advised I admit myself straight away that I went to the hospital to be examined. I don't think any of it has truly sunk in yet - when a large thing happens I often find that I'm a late bloomer on the emotional front - and when I've spoken to friends about this and used the words "when I was pregnant", it feels foreign in my mouth, like it was happening to someone else. I'm almost 37 and I do want to have children at some point and am aware that the clock is ticking quite loudly, but I'm not sure I'm with the right person or not and if I'm honest with myself, in some ways there was a slight sense of relief that the matter - or the decision - was taken out of my hands - although, the first thing I did when they first told me I was pregnant, before knowing it was ectopic, was Google whether it was still safe to use a vape while pregnant (they say not, and I didn't, however badly I needed it at that shellshocked point), so I guess I had already decided I would keep the baby if it was a normal pregnancy - or at least, do what was right and best until I knew more. I told my partner about what had happened and have seen him twice since then and asked how he feels about it all and he hasn't said much really, just that he was relieved I was OK - I don't think he was really looking for a surprise baby just now either. Sorry to bang on, I don't even know what I'm asking. I suppose I wonder if anyone else here is or has been in any similar kind of situation as mine? I'm also supposed to be starting a new job in a week's time, and doing a major handover at my current work, but obviously I'm off just now. And that's all worrying me too. I'm going to speak to my new employers tomorrow to let them know what's happened as the doctor did say I might need longer to recover, but I really don't want to jeopardise things. And I just don't know how I should be feeling. I think I'm probably blocking things out so I thought this might be a good first step. I've had a couple of nightmares involving lots of broken glass and emptiness. I'm not superstitious but the glass thing seems to be a recurring thing in my dreams and I had one years ago that I'd had a baby but it was a monster, and I'd put it in a brown sack (I hate saying this, it was so awful) as I felt ashamed, but then I realised I loved it and wanted to look after it but somehow it was too late. That wasn't even related to anything medical, probably just my night brain trying to work out what I wanted. Anyway, off point. Sorry for the ramble. Does anyone have any thoughts on all of this? I feel like a pretty horrible person just now because of my apparent lack of emotion.
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Re: Ectopic pregnancy, coil removal, arm implant, emotionles
Hi Redroof,
It's so heartbreaking to hear of everything you have been through, and I'm very sorry for your ectopic pregnancy and loss. It is so very recent that you've been through both a physical and emotional trauma. It is usual to have so many thoughts and feelings, and I will do my best to help.
It's most important to look after yourself right now. It's good that your GP has suggested some time off of work, and while I know the importance of being loyal to a job, letting your employers know what has happened is important so you can also take care of you. There is nothing you did you cause an ectopic pregnancy. While I wish I could say that there is a route for recovery, each of us is so unique that every journey will be different. These boards are full of women and men who have experienced ectopic pregnancies, losses, and are recovering.
While your relationship with your partner is still new, men do grieve differently than women. I found that journalling about my experience and my dreams helped me to make sense of my own emotions. When I was ready, the journal helped me to share those thoughts with my partner, family and some friends. As well, If you think it may help, we can certainly arrange to speak to you about what you have been through and be a shoulder to lean on. My colleagues and I have also experienced ectopic pregnancy and understand how heartbreaking it is. You can ask any questions or simply tell us about the horrible time you have been through. You can also look at counseling services and emotional recovery support on our website under Patients/Emotional recovery.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis (you pay what you can afford) or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/. You can also speak to your GP specifically about local counseling services and referral for talking therapies. You can also request to see another GP in your healthcare practice. In terms of your care circumstances, you may be aware that you can raise your thoughts via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service or PALS. You can find your local PALS here and it may be an avenue which can help: http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patien ... Search/363
Please know that we are here for you, as long as you need.
With good wishes,
Michele
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If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
***********************************************************************************************
It's so heartbreaking to hear of everything you have been through, and I'm very sorry for your ectopic pregnancy and loss. It is so very recent that you've been through both a physical and emotional trauma. It is usual to have so many thoughts and feelings, and I will do my best to help.
It's most important to look after yourself right now. It's good that your GP has suggested some time off of work, and while I know the importance of being loyal to a job, letting your employers know what has happened is important so you can also take care of you. There is nothing you did you cause an ectopic pregnancy. While I wish I could say that there is a route for recovery, each of us is so unique that every journey will be different. These boards are full of women and men who have experienced ectopic pregnancies, losses, and are recovering.
While your relationship with your partner is still new, men do grieve differently than women. I found that journalling about my experience and my dreams helped me to make sense of my own emotions. When I was ready, the journal helped me to share those thoughts with my partner, family and some friends. As well, If you think it may help, we can certainly arrange to speak to you about what you have been through and be a shoulder to lean on. My colleagues and I have also experienced ectopic pregnancy and understand how heartbreaking it is. You can ask any questions or simply tell us about the horrible time you have been through. You can also look at counseling services and emotional recovery support on our website under Patients/Emotional recovery.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis (you pay what you can afford) or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/. You can also speak to your GP specifically about local counseling services and referral for talking therapies. You can also request to see another GP in your healthcare practice. In terms of your care circumstances, you may be aware that you can raise your thoughts via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service or PALS. You can find your local PALS here and it may be an avenue which can help: http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patien ... Search/363
Please know that we are here for you, as long as you need.
With good wishes,
Michele
***********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
***********************************************************************************************
