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Repost: 6 Months On

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Repost: 6 Months On

Postby Iccle_Princess » Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:52 pm

Its been 6 long whole months since i had my ectopic pregnancy i shut myself away from the world i stopped talking to my best friend cos she had 2 unplanned pregnancy i know it wasnt her fault she had 2 perfectly beautiful children & it wasnt her fault i lost my baby but i felt so much anger towards her but i see her for the 1st time in 6months today & i felt so much love for her & her beautiful boys i think im finally starting to get through the pain i mean dont get me wrong it still really hurts when i see pregnant women or women with small babies i just want the world to open up & eat me. I did continue to see my GP cos i became very anxious about leaving my front door i couldnt even take the bins down to the kerb i just felt like people was judging me for a number of reason like “eerrrr look at her she cant even grow a baby inside her without screwing it up”, “shes such a bad mum for wanting another baby she should be greatful for the 2 shes already got” & so on i started to take less & less care of myself i know for some people its nothing but for me it was big i put on 2 stone over 5months & started to cancel GP appointments & just generally letting myself get worse so i could hurry up & die but the GP noticed & sent me to a specialist & i was diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (AKA Borderline personality disorder) & Generalised Anxiety Disorder i was given new medication & it really has helped me im feeling like i can start going back to my normal life start to socialise with other people but my only problem im having now is i REALLY REALLY want to try for another baby but my partner doesnt want to he feels that this was a sign that were not to have anymore & that if we do have another ectopic i might not make it through i do understand what his saying but i just can shake the wanting another baby i want 1 more now then i have ever my eldest daughter really wants me to have another baby she knows what happened we explained it to her cos she wanted to know why i was kept in hospital she was 11 at the time & we thought she was old enough to understand my youngest (6) she didnt know just that i had a bad tummy & had to have an opperation to make it better but she also wants a baby brother they are both so good with other babies & got a lot better with each other but im really torn half or me wants to have another baby but the other half is worried i will have another ectopic pregnancy & i cant go through that heart break again.
Sorry for the long post but thank you for always being here for me when i need to talk & not feel like im being judged or people feeling sorry for me
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