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First pregnancy was ectopic

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Bethney
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2018 9:13 pm

First pregnancy was ectopic

Post by Bethney »

Hi all I’m new to this place. I suffered my ectopic pregnancy in September last year. Didn’t know I was pregnant until Day I got took into surgery and had to have my right tube removed. Since then I’ve had an overwhelming feeling of guilt and emptinesss. I’m struggling to deal with my feelings and feel as though people think I should be ‘over it’ by now. Is this normal? Should I be? I feel like nobody understands me when I have my days where all I want to do is hide. I still feel so angry and hurt. I just wish I’d have known then maybe I could’ve saved my baby?

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: First pregnancy was ectopic

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Bethney,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings here with us. I too really struggled with feelings of overwhelming guilt and emptiness, but I didn't seek help for almost two years. Many women, like myself, experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. It is also comforting to know you aren't the only one feeling this way.

Although your feelings are normal, if your down days outweigh the good, please do get in contact. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
There is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

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Bethney
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2018 9:13 pm

Re: First pregnancy was ectopic

Post by Bethney »

Karen,
Thank you for getting back in touch with me. Some days I still struggle to understand why it happened to me and the guilt comes flooding back!
Thank you for your words too! It’s good to know I have some people who have been in the same position as me to talk too!

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