Jealousy and Envy - how to deal with it!?

[HannahD18]

Hi everyone,

I had an ectopic pregnancy at the end of January this year after trying to conceive for 3 years. I have been off from work until recently and thought I was dealing with things well.

This week however there have been 3 pregnancy announcements of very close friends and family within 2 days. Each announcement is like a kick to the stomach and emotionally has completely rocked me this week. All of the due dates for our friends are within a month of the day my baby would have been born. We are so desperate to fall again and with our fertility issues and a lack of a Fallopian tube it isn’t going to happen soon. I just don’t know how to deal with the jealousy, envy and anger at those who have their happy ever after. I am waiting for some counselling but have cried for 2 days and feel so desperately sad.

How do others deal with these situations?

Any help or advice would be so welcome, even if it’s just to know others feel these horrible emotions.

Hannah x

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Hannah,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x


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[Jaz]

Hi Hannah
I can really relate to you. So tough and unfair.
xx

[M+12]

Hi Hannah, I feel like that all the time. No one around me has had a problem getting pregnant or had ectopic pregnancies, and Facebook/Instagram are constant reminders of it. It’s hard not to feel jealous of them, but they probably feel just as uncomfortable knowing you have had it so hard.
You’re definitely not alone xx

[M+12]

Dear Hannah,
I know how you feel and I really sympathise.
I got pregnant first time but found out it was ectopic and lost a tube. (Although apparently you only lose 4% chance of conceiving). I’ve been trying to get pregnant for nearly 2 years since it happened now and I’ve had no luck. It’s taken me this long to convince the doctors that something may be wrong and that we need help and that I don’t just need to ‘chill our’.
I’ve had to stop using Facebook and Instagram because everyone I know is posting baby scans and even the friends I knew who were also having problems are now pregnant. I often feel very isolated and alone about the whole thing. Sometimes coming on to this support site reminds me that I’m not alone and success stories can happen.
Big supportive hugs. xx

[EctopicPUL]

I had a client and a colleague with the exact same due date as me. What are the chances?!

Glad I’ve moved from the job but there are 2 babies due in this office. Dunno why it upsets me. Wasn’t even ttc and relationship has broken down so I couldn’t care for a baby.

Just messed up. Could’ve been so different.