So here I am looking to off load all the conflicting thoughts in my head about this horrible experience. Part of me is desperate for this to be over but the other isn’t ready to not be “pregnant” anymore.
Husband and I got married April ‘18, my contraceptive implant expired September ‘18 so we decided to leave things up to nature & if we fell pregnant that would be great. February period late, 1st urine test neg, repeated 5days later BFP, both of us in a complete state of shock.....not like the happy lovey dovey moments you see on tv/film.
Long story short...6 days later abdo pain & bleeding, serum HCG and TV ultrasound indicate unruptured ectopic & electively treated with methotrexate. Week 1 HCG dropped 60% week 2 dropped 89% so good response so far, but had a really rough time with side effects only in the last 3days began to feel like I’m turning a corner with it.
The trouble I’m having is emotionally, my hubby has gone into what I call man mode....back to work, getting back to normality and it’ll all work out better next time round. I’m not on that same page, I have such a mixture of emotions. There’s this guilt of did this happen because I wasn’t jumping for joy when that BFP came. There’s the sadness that the new life I had planned isn’t now happening. There’s this resentment any time I see any babies or pregnant people because I want it to be me. There’s the small piece of me that’s hoping someone somewhere is making a mistake and is going to say oh no everything’s fine and your baby will arrive October as you expected.
I usually use the gym to destress which obviously I can’t do right now. Work is normally a good distraction but because the physical nature of my job occupational health won’t let me back until my HCG is normal. Sitting at home is making it all swirl about in my head constantly, turning to comfort eating which is piling on the pounds not helping my self esteem greatly either. I just don’t know what to do with myself.
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Help with these crazy emotions.
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Chicago123
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 7:24 pm
Re: Help with these crazy emotions.
I am feeling a lot of the same things. I have been doing very light yoga / stretching and long walks, and started cooking more and eating healthier post MTX, focusing on improving my health as a way to cope. I don’t have a lot of answers but I do want you to know it’s normal to feel this way and I think we just need time to heal. Take care of yourself however you need to.
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EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3175
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: Help with these crazy emotions.
Dear Mandy_B30,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal. It is normal to feel pain and discomfort in these early days after surgery. Please do take it easy and look after yourself. You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and we can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.
We hear from many women who struggle with seeing pregnant ladies or babies. This does not make us "bad" people, pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
I guess it is about taking each day as it comes. Is there anything you can do differently instead of going to the gym such as a gentle walk? Or any tasks from work that you could do at home or more paperwork type tasks?
I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal. It is normal to feel pain and discomfort in these early days after surgery. Please do take it easy and look after yourself. You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and we can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.
We hear from many women who struggle with seeing pregnant ladies or babies. This does not make us "bad" people, pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
I guess it is about taking each day as it comes. Is there anything you can do differently instead of going to the gym such as a gentle walk? Or any tasks from work that you could do at home or more paperwork type tasks?
I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
