( New Member) Coming up on my one year...

[kmoran511]

Hey Ladies,

I am new to this and wish I would have found this a lot sooner. I am coming up to my one year since I had a ruptured ectopic and I was told I was 4 weeks. I honestly had no idea I was even pregnant until I woke up one morning at 4am with terrible pain in my right side. I assumed it was gas or some type of period cramp. I spent almost 12 hours in pain and refusing to go to the hospital. I drove myself to patient first and was told I was pregnant and needed to go to the the ER. I remember this day very vividly and within minutes of arriving to the ER, I was taken back and had a team of doctors and nurses waiting for me. It was a Sunday night, so everyone had to be called in to perform surgery on me. I've worked in bedside nursing for the last 4 years, so I knew something was wrong when they were moving so fast. Long story short, I was put on morphine and told I was not allowed to get up. I had a blood clot in my lower pelvis that was a the size of a grapefruit. I was rushed into surgery and within 2 hours, I lost a child and my right tube.

I don't remember much after my second dose of pain medication but by 3am I was home in bed. Laying there, scared, confused, unsure and spent the next week on pain medication and laying in bed just hoping this wasn't true. After a week, I decided enough was enough and I had to get on with my life, I have a job that was very demanding my patients needed me, my family and friends needed me and I am always the one that takes care of everything and everyone.

I have held a lot of this in for almost a year. Only my best friend knows what I actually went through, I honestly didnt even tell my boyfriend really how I was feeling until almost a few months ago. And he was in shock because he said I just blew it off, so he thought everything was okay. He is a lawyer and we were only together 4 months when this happened.


Coming up on my year, since 4/1 I have been sad, mad, standoffish, mean and I have cried a lot. I dont mean to offend anyone but I feel almost silly still talking about this and feeling this way because I have always been the strong one, the glue that keeps everyone together, the happy upbeat positive person. This month, this is not me at all. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?


Thank you for reading. I hope to talk to some of you soon .


Kaitlin

[Buddy071]

I'm so sorry you've been through this - I'm not sure I have any wise words, my eptopic was in Feb, I 'only' needed methotrexate and physically I am back to normal. No idea how my head is, sometimes I feel fine, other times I'm all over the place. But everyone just keeps telling me to take time, be kind and gentle to myself and to talk as and when I need to. I did the opposite to you and just told everyone in the hope that the more I talked the faster I'd heal. It also means when I do freak out or need some space I don't need to explain myself. I found mother's day tricky although I managed to keep myself distracted till the evening, so I am sure the anniversary is hard for you. As I said, I'm not sure I can offer any advice other than take it slow be kind and gentle to yourself, and talk. Sending you love and hugs x

[kmoran511]

I really appreciate your kind words. I think the hardest part is actually opening up. I admire that about you, that you were able to be open about it. I am not even sure my post made much sense because I was upset when I wrote it and I cant find it in myself to read it again.


I hope to be as open as you are one day, Thank you for your support and for giving me motivation to be try and be more open,

xoxo,

Kait

[Pipb]

Hi Kaitlin

I’m not sure I can offer you much as I’m literally going through it atm.
I had emergency surgery on Saturday night for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy at 6 weeks of a very much loved and wanted rainbow baby.

It does sound like you didn’t give yourself time to heal emotionally though, I had a mc in October last year and it’s devastating ( I’m not dealing with this one yet)
Can you get some counselling to help you grieve as remember you’ve lost a baby and part of your reproductive system you’ve also had a brush with you own mortality and it’s scary as [heck].

I really hope you can find some peace lovely, be kind to yourself and get some help, it’s not weakness to admit we are struggling
Lots love and hugs xxx