New here. Just had surgery for ep. Feel awful

[Pipb]

Hi
This is an incredibly hard post to write, I’m really struggling physically and emotionally.
A bit of history on me I have two amazing daughters who are 3 and 6 yrs and a fabulous husband.
We really wanted a 3rd child before the age gap got too big again so we started trying last year. I got pregnant and then lost it in a mc at 12/13 weeks- this was awful and took me a long time to get over anyway fast forward 5 months and we get another BFP which we are over the moon about.
A week ago I started getting horrific pains but because my eldest was ill I ignored them, these carried on sporadically all week with my general health getting worse and worse but I was putting it down to the sickness bug, not eating and blaming the dizzy spells on low bp.
I kept getting nausea, aching, shoulder pain and my stomach was huge and tight by Thursday - then Saturday at 4 pm the most horrific pain starts and it just keeps building there is no let up whatsoever and I give in and tell my husband that I think I need to go to a&e.
By the Time we get there I’m starting to vomit and losing conscience intermittently- I’m rushed through within 20 mins of arrival and within 30 mins of the 1st doctor I have a full team in a tiny room scanning me and prepping me for theatre. I’m rushed in within 2 hours of arrival and in surgery for at least 2 hours.
I wasn’t told what happened till the next day when the consultant came around.
I was on loads of morphine, diclophenac, drips and paracetamol.
They eventually took my stomach drain out yesterday afternoon which was very painful and I managed to convince them I was well enough to come home.
The doctor said that I had been bleeding into my stomach for a while because there was a lot of blood and a lot of clotting - my left Fallopian tube has been removed as it had ruptured.
Today I am very emotional, getting very lightheaded and hurt like [heck].
I have a prebooked doctors appointment which I will keep tomorrow .


I suppose I just need to process the whole experience and it’s very early days.

I want to ask if the dizziness is normal after this type of surgery?
I’m also on iron tablets for 6 weeks

Thankyou for reading this and a big Thankyou if you find the time to reply x

[Princessjo25]

Hi there

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar experience and had surgery 3 weeks ago, ruptured left tube and internal bleeding. It's a horrific situation and right now while you're in pain your emotions are going to feel like a steamroller. I was very light headed for the first week or so and today after a short trip to the supermarket I almost passed out.

I've been told by a nurse that it takes our bodies up to 6 months to really recover from anaesthesia (not sure if that's true or not though) but if so I guess some light-headed is probably normal. Doesn't help though when you're trying to recover from such a traumatic experience. Hopefully your doc will be able to give you some answers and help tomorrow.

On the emotional side, I found the grief all consuming in the first few days. Could have filled a swimming pool with tears. I've found a few books about loss have been helpful and I also had a call with a lovely lady at the ectopic pregnancy trust who had been through the same thing and definitely helped me see there's light at the end of this.

Sending much love XXX

PJ

[Pipb]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I’m so sorry you’ve had a similar experience I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

I know it’s early days, I’m very fortunate with amazing friends to lean on but it’s still v lonely. Especially as it feels like my husband has withdrawn a bit, I’m probably being paranoid but it does feel weird between us atm.

Sorry I’m waffling, I will look at some books and will consider counselling further down the line xx

[Princessjo25]

You're not waffling at all. This is such a confusing and horrible time and not only do we have the physical and emotional pain we also worry about those around us.

Maybe your husband isn't sure what to say, maybe that's why he seems withdrawn. I felt the same way when we had our miscarriage in October, I felt my partner pulled away, but he was just trying to process everything. I felt awful for him at the hospital this time round, basically being told to go home during the surgery, poor guy exhausted himself worrying & thought I was gone when the surgery took longer than expected. I think the relief that I survived the surgery may have softened the grief at first, but he's opening up to me the week about how sad & angry he is about it all. I guess it's taken him some time to process.

Someone told me recently that our job as the mother is to look after our baby and their job as the father is to look after us. While our job has been taken away from us, they still have to do their job. I'm not sure why but that really resonated with me. Anyway try and talk to him, he might be waiting for a cue from you.

I know what you mean about being lonely though, I thought I had a lot of friends but only 2 people outside of family have even asked how I am since it happened, and one of them was my next door neighbour. They all know as well, feels like they're avoiding me. I haven't even heard from my brother who only lives half a mile from me. This is such an isolating experience.

Sorry I'm definitely waffling now, feels like I've hijacked your post, sorry x

We need all the support we can get right now, if you ever need an ear I'm here xxx

[Pipb]

Your not waffling and not hi jacking either, we have been through something so similar and yes I think you’ve hit the nail in the head with the hubby.

We had our first mc in October and it really affected him - he was so so happy about this baby.

I was also in surgery for a long time without them telling him anything with the added worry of my mother dieing because if a GA 6 years ago, there’s the knowing that there’s no baby at the end of it too and the high risk that I may have not made it.

I hadn’t actually told him the full extent of the ectopic before the doctors explained it, maybe I was in the wrong for that but I needed to keep telling myself it wasn’t that bad, I couldn’t admit it to myself let alone explain to him that I was bleeding internally and was high risk.

We will get through this though, we got through the mc in October and can do this too. I really feel for him though and hope he can open up to someone if not me as I am so lucky and have wonderful friends who are spoiling me rotten.

I’m so sorry to hear your backup has been so poor you must feel so lonely, I think people are so scared of baby loss though they just bury their heads in the sand and hope you will just pretend all is well.
I was very open with my mc and happily told anyone who asked how I was at the time and have talked about it freely since - I will do the same with this - I have nothing to be ashamed of - it wasn’t my fault - it’s a [censored word] hand I’ve been dealt but deal with it we will as the alternative is not possible.
Are there some local groups you could join?
If your not too far from me then I would happily meet up. I’m west wales xxxx
Thinking of you and sending hugs xxxx

[Princessjo25]

Hi there

Sorry for the late reply, been a busy few days.

I live in Berkshire, so a bit of a trek from you (although I’d much prefer to live in West Wales, one of my favourite areas of the world!)

How did you get on at the doctors? I ended up at a&e with breathing problems on Weds, seems I have pleurisy but getting better now.

How are you holding up emotionally? Thursday was very hard for us as we collected the babies remains from the hospital. Had a little meltdown being surrounded by lots of happy pregnant ladies while we waited.

Hope you are doing okay xxx

[Pipb]

Hey
Sorry I’m late replying too

Sorry to hear you’ve been unwell, that must’ve been so difficult for you at the hospital picking up your little one.
Berkshire is pretty lovely too but if your ever visiting the lovely wet west wales then don’t hesitate to drop me an email.

I’ve actually been really good, I’m incredibly active to the point where my poor husband is pulling his hair out as I’m off doing ponies, mucking out and gardening. I find this the best way for me to cope emotionally, maybe I’m burying my head in the sand a little - I’m not sure.
I’ve paid for it physically quite a bit but I’m stronger for it and I’m making a brilliant recovery.

Emotionally then I’ve had quite a few wobbles - going to the park last week was so hard as there were babies there and I literally broke down into a soggy blubbering mess but since then I’ve managed to give myself a slap and managed to take my girls shopping today for school stuff and look at babies etc without wanting to cry so think I’m either just doing a really good job of dodging the problem or I’m dealing with it really well - I suppose only time will tell.

How are you now? Did you have a nice thing planned for little one?
I went to the garden centre and bought a lovely fragrant bush to plant for my little one, I already have a bay tree planted for my mc in October.

Have you thought about trying again?
It’s a delicate subject isn’t it..... I’ve decided to hang up my sturdy footware now, this was far too close a call for comfort.

Thinking of you and sending hugs xxx

[Sian Williams]

Hi hope you don’t mind me joining. I too have suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and am feeling in a daze. Mine happened on the 12th of April and although physically I am slowly on the mend I still feel almost in shock. I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old, this would have been my bonus baby. I’m finding myself reading anything I can to do with it to try and understand as much as I can but Is this the right thing to do? Just wanted to talk to others who know how it feels. I’m very lucky of all the support I have around me but I feel like I want to talk to people who have experienced it ( I am very sorry that you have as I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy). I think I’m in denial but the reality keeps hitting me in waves. Again hope you don’t mind me joining your conversation SW

[Pipb]

Hi Sian

Your more than welcome to jump on - I’m so so sorry you’ve gone through this. Yours was the day before mine so I appreciate how raw and empty your still feeling.

It’s one of the most awful things to go through, the loss, pain (physically and emotionally) that feeling of emptiness, tiredness, the questions “why” knowing you should be grateful to still be here but still feeling so empty it hurts like a physical pain.

I think reading helped me understand the whys and wherefores and also know that everything I’m going through psychologically is normal and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Most importantly know that your not on your own, we feel your pain 100%.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time not just for the physical but also the emotional

Hugs and love xxx

[Sian Williams]

I see from your post that you’re in west wales as am I, we could have even been in the same hospital same time. Thank you for your kind response I am very grateful. Are you feeling any better by now? SW x

[Pipb]

Which hospital were you in? I was in Carmarthen x

[Sian Williams]

Yes me too, can’t believe that! I left on the Tuesday. I was in my own room so I didn’t see anyone on the wards until Tuesday. What a terrible coincidence. How are you feeling? SW

[Sian Williams]

Is the tiny room you speak of the treatment room on the ward? Your experience is so so similar to mine I couldn’t believe it when I read it x