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I know this is nothing new

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Kelst82
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 12:19 am

I know this is nothing new

Post by Kelst82 »

I’m sat here nearly 2 weeks post op for ectopic and I am beside myself, I’m trying to be strong and trying to be positive but I am so hurt, angry and utterly heartbroken. Myself and my partner have just been through our first round of IVF for the BFP and then 2 weeks later this. I just want to scream and punch something. My partner is so understanding yet I long to scream and shout with someone who has been there and understands properly, I know this is selfish! Is what I’m feeling normal? How do I move on from this? I know these are vague because everyone is different but I just wanted to get things off my chest!

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: I know this is nothing new

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Kelst82,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, especially after undergoing IVF.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal putting them together is immense and your feelings are honestly completely normal.

You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

You are experiencing an immense rollercoaster of emotions, so please be kind to yourself. Allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x


The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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MaddyB
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 23, 2019 6:14 pm

Re: I know this is nothing new

Post by MaddyB »

Kelst82,

I know exactly how you feel. I had emergency surgery 5 weeks ago after I had a ruptured ectopic. I was bleeding internally for 7 hours and then lost my right tube. I was only 5 weeks pregnant but I am heartbroken.

I feel so angry that my body has let me down. I feel like it’s so unfair as I did everything right. Didn’t drink, have never smoked, took all the right vitamins, I’m a healthy weight, 29 years old, healthy eater etc etc. All around me, everyone else seems to be getting pregnant (smokers, drinkers, overweight women, older women) and going on to have healthy pregnancies and my baby didn’t get to live beyond 35 days. I’m so angry and I feel awful that I feel that way.

I should be 10 weeks and 3 days now and we can’t try again until June. During my surgery they found that I have extensive endometriosis which I have thankfully never had any symptoms of but now knowing that and having only one tube, our likelyhood of having a family is looking slim.

All I have of my baby is a photo of one of my positive tests (I took about 10 tests just because I loved seeing the lines and knowing my baby was safe and snuggly growing in there). Oh and I have the three scars from where my baby was taken away.

Time is a healer and some days I feel strong and positive and then other days are so dark. I went back to work this week after 5 weeks off. I was signed off for 6 but there is only so much sitting and thinking you can do.

One day, I hope you and I will hold our future healthy babies in our arms and hug them even tighter because of what we’ve been through x

EPT Host 22
Posts: 659
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: I know this is nothing new

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi MaddyB,

I am sorry for the difficult time you have been through and that you've experienced an ectopic pregnancy.

Women often feel frustrated with their bodies after the ordeal of ectopic pregnancy. No matter what the surrounding circumstances, it is not your fault.

Hearing about other people's pregnancies can be a stark reminder of what should have been, and it is normal to feel angry.

No woman should have to go through this horrendous ordeal, and our hearts go out to you and everyone affected by this condition.

With good wishes,


Michele


********************************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation, volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at http://www.ectopic.org.uk
Email us at ept@ectopic.org.uk.
Our helpline is 020 7733 2653 (available Monday to Friday 10am - 4pm).
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team.
******************************************************************************************

Spainectopic
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed May 08, 2019 11:07 am

Re: I know this is nothing new

Post by Spainectopic »

Hey kelst82,
Sorry for all that’s happened. I can totally sympathise. It’s so unfair. We had 5 rounds ivf and only the one pregnancy. Then the ectopic. Now minus a tube and less chance than ever.
Totally get your anger but l just feel defeated. It is so unfair x

Bella87
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun May 19, 2019 5:35 pm

Re: I know this is nothing new

Post by Bella87 »

I’m so sorry for your loss, I totally understand how you feel and you are not alone. Me and my partner have been trying for 8 years - 3 ectopic pregnancies, 3 failed cycles of IVF and I’m currently recovering from my 4th ectopic pregnancy. This time they removed my right tube and I have severe endometriosis and my left tube isn’t in the best condition. I’m terrified it will happen again and I also feel angry and upset. I’m 31 years old, I don’t smoke, don’t drink, eat very healthily and exercise 5 times a week. It just makes me feel like life is so unfair sometimes. It’s totally normal how you are feeling and I think it’s helpful to talk to people who are going through the same thing.
I really hope that we all get our babies one day. I know I won’t ever give up.
Sending you a big hug xx

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