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Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :(

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stephanie_b
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:51 am

Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :(

Post by stephanie_b »

This is my first time ever posting anything on a forum so I am a little nervous but I really wanted to reach out to people who are currently going through the same thing as me and also so I can talk and let me feelings out.

Please bear with me as this is a long story but I have to explain it all so that whoever reads this knows my story.

After a long time of decision making and research I decided to try IUI and use donor sperm to hopefully become a Mommy. It was my life long dream and after unsuccessful relationships and finally feeling ready to go it alone I started the process of IUI.

Amazingly I fell pregnant in March after my second attempt, it was absolutely unbelievable and the most wonderful thing but pretty much straight away I knew something was not right.

I have been pregnant twice in the past but for personal reasons I decided not to continue with the pregnancies, but nether the less I know what it’s like to be pregnant and that’s why I just knew something wasn’t right this time round.

From the first positive pregnancy test it was very faint and it took around 5 days after that to show a real strong positive, and throughout those days I started bleeding which was not normal early pregnancy spotting it was all colours, all consistencies and I just knew something was wrong.

It never stopped, in total I bled for 24 days non stop, the horror I felt seeing blood every time I went to the toilet knowing I was pregnant was really distressing for me.

I was referred to the early pregnancy unit at my local hospital where they scanned me at 5 weeks 5 days, there was no visible pregnancy in the womb.

So there and then I was classed as having a pregnancy of unknown location, this was the most surreal, awful thing I had ever heard. I think that’s the one thing I’ll always struggle to deal with.

I was pregnant but no one knew where my baby was, it’s heartbreaking.

They did locate something close to my left ovary, but it held a question mark around it but deep down I knew that’s where my baby was.

I had blood tests that day and two days later, surprisingly my HCG levels had tripled so in theory this showed that I was having a progressing pregnancy and it was just to early to see anything on the scan and the bleeding could have been something or nothing.

Another scan was booked for me for a week later, the early pregnancy unit was hoping by then they would see the baby.

My hopes returned a little but I continued to bleed and have this feeling deep inside that something was still wrong.

I wanted to say I had no pain or other symptoms, just normal pregnancy symptoms until about 6 weeks 4 days when I started to have a few twinges on my left side and a pressure like feeling in my lower stomach and I began to start feeling slightly unwell.

My second scan day came (6 weeks 5 days) and I knew that they would not see anything on the screen, and once in the room it was confirmed there was no visible pregnancy in the womb but the questionable “something” next to or on my left ovary was more than likely my baby.

I don’t really know how I felt, I still don’t but I went with the flow and the process and had more blood tests as they said that would determine the treatment plan.

At 9.30pm that night the early pregnancy unit rang me and said my HCG hormone had more than tripled again and I had to go straight to the ward where they would review me and make a plan as I was now classed as an emergency.

I went to the hospital and was admitted to the ward, examined and waited until the next morning to see the consultant.

The consultant came and told me I’d be on the emergency list for theatre that day and he’d locate the pregnancy and even though it looked like it was on/close to my ovary there was potential I’d lose my tube and ovary as he would not know until he could see inside (once again I felt nothing, just shock and by that time I just wanted to be ok and it all to be over) so I signed all the papers and waited.

I waited until 10.30pm that night, I went down to theatre and was so scared, I don’t think I have been as scared about anything before in my life and alone.

3 hours later I was awake and in so much pain I couldn’t catch my breath.

I was told it had been a tricky operation as the pregnancy was lying on my ovary so the surgeon did his best to remove the pregnancy without causing me too much damage.

I apparently still have my tube and my ovary but not sure what damage there is to my ovary as I am still waiting for a follow up with the actual surgeon/consultant as he was not in the next day or the days following my operation so the outcome was delivered by a different doctor.

I’m in pain, sore and struggling with the after effects of the operation.

Seeing my wounds and stitches are a shock and feels like it’s not really happening to me.

Having the surgery was a complete shock to the system, I thought I was doing something so wonderful by trying for a baby, especially doing it all on my own but it turned into the most awful experience I have ever been through.

It doesn’t actually feel like I was pregnant, it feels like I had something seriously wrong with me and I had to have an operation to make it all better, to save me.

I’m not dealing very well with the fact I’m not breaking down, I cry but not often, I can’t feel sad about the loss of my baby and that’s bothering me.

The grief will come, I’m sure, well I hope so as I don’t want my baby to be forgotten because of the overwhelming shock of the operation as that makes me feel sad.

I’m not sure how I am meant to feel, so I posted my story to see if there was anyone else out there who has any of my feelings and/or experienced an ovarian pregnancy and/or an ectopic pregnancy after successful IUI treatment.

If anyone is finding it hard to feel emotional towards the loss of their baby I’d like to know as I’m not sure if it’s normal or not how I am feeling or if it’s just I am still in shock because of the whole experience.

Sending love to everyone experiencing or going through the motions of ectopic pregnancy, it the most traumatic awful thing ever to happen but hopefully one day our baby dreams will come true.

This time last week I said I’d never try again as it’s all been too much but as the days are going by I’m determined to get better and try again, I’m not giving up just yet even though it’s going to take a long time to get there xxx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Stephanie_b,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

Everyone deals with this experience differently, you have had a huge shock, so pleased do not be concerned about the way you are feeling, especially in not being upset about the loss of your baby.
I personally didn't feel grief until after all my hospital visits had finished, the grief suddenly hit me when I was back at home and my body was physically recovering, but do not worry if you do not feel this. I understand, how you conceived, do you have family and friends around you to support you at this difficult time.
These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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stephanie_b
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:51 am

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by stephanie_b »

Thank you so much for replying Katen, it’s really appreciated.

YesI have a great support system around me with family and friends so that’s helping me but as you know it’s still hard to speak to people close to you as they do not really know exactly how you feel.

I feel sad and that I have let my parents down as it was the first time they’d have been grandparents so they are really feeling it.

The fertility clinic have been supportive too which is great but it’s just about recovery now and seeing what happens next.

I can’t wait to be a Mom so hopefully down the line once I am better and well again I can look at trying again.

xxx

stephanie_b
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:51 am

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by stephanie_b »

There is an update I wanted to add also.

Where I was told it was an ovarian ectopic I have now had it confirmed it was actually a tubal ectopic.

They did remove my tube but kept my ovary, so I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

I just don’t want anything to effect me falling pregnant again.

I’m really sad about this as for 2 weeks I thought I had kept my ovary and tube but obviously not, this was because my surgeon was not in the next day so he didn’t deliver the news to me.

EctopicPUL
Posts: 249
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 11:23 pm

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by EctopicPUL »

I believe it’s good because sometimes the egg from that ovary will actually be caught by the opposite tube (the body is amazing!) x

stephanie_b
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:51 am

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by stephanie_b »

Another update!!!

I can’t believe this is happening, I feel like I am going to lose my mind.

Today I went for my bloods (3rd lot following surgery) and they are increasing!!!

I’m secretly hoping that there is another baby in the right place who was hiding and is growing but I also know it’s probably most likely pregnancy tissue still growing and they said I’l have to have the injection.

I have to go back tomorrow for bloods, a scan and a review with the consultant.

This is the worst thing I have ever experienced, each day there is something else adding to the initial heartbreak or losing my baby and having to face the fact I had an ectopic.

Anyone else had rising HCG after surgery?

xxx

stephanie_b
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:51 am

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by stephanie_b »

Update!!!

So after a mix up with miss communication from the nurse at the early pregnancy unit I defo have had an ovarian ectopic where luckily I kept my ovary and tube (what a wonderful surgeon, I’m so thankful).

Today though as my HCG had doubled since last week following my surgery I had to have the methotrexate injection to dissolve any persisting prescription tissues or cells that may have been left behind.

This journey is never ending, it’s been so stressful, emotional and tiring but I just want to get better and focus on the future where I can try again and do my best to have a healthy pregnancy and my baby dreams xxx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Ovarian Ectopic after successful IUI - Shock and guilt :

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Stephanie_b,
Gosh you have been through it.
I hope things will settle soon and you can concentrate on your recovery and planning your next pregnancy.
Sending much love,
Karen x


The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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