7 weeks post emergency surgery

[Pipb]

Well this is me about 7 weeks post surgery, (I haven’t been counting- why the [heck] would I!?)
Some of you may know that I had a difficult time with my emergency surgery, I was incredibly lucky to be walking out of hospital so I dealt with that as I have two children and an amazing hubby I was grateful to be alive.
Anyways skipping forwards 2 weeks I figured something wasn’t right....I did a test and long story short the pseudo sac the surgeon had seen was in fact a baby and it was in the right place so i was in fact pregnant with twins.
My emergency scan wasn’t good and I misscarried 2 weeks later.
I have now lost 3 babies in 7 months and almost my own life.
I have now made the decision under doctors advice not to try again as it’s just too risky and I am in the incredibly lucky and fortunate position to already have two amazing children.
This doesn’t mean I don’t hurt every day or feel ever so slightly bitter towards people with babies and more than 2 kids which is ridiculous because I don’t know what they went through to get that child bit yeah hormones are the absolute worst
I can at least know see a baby and not burst into tears!
I’m incredibly grateful and there’s hardly a moment goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars but I would be lieing if I said that I wasn’t at times sad and a little p’eed off.

People I talk to can’t believe how positive I am about life but the way I look at it is “what’s my option?” I can be miserable and sad which will impact on my family or I can be grateful for what I have and grab the life I have with bith hands - I know this would t work for everyone and god I can’t tell you how hard it’s been to keep to but I have and I can see the benefits it’s had on my loved ones so I will keep on.

I will always miss my special babies, my poor beautiful little souls who just weren’t ready for this world, they will forever be loved and held close in our hearts.

I am so so so sorry to anyone who is going through this - words just aren’t enough so I’m sending all my hugs and love to you all - keep positive beautiful ladies and be kind to yourselves there is absolutely nothing any of us have done to deserve this.
Be strong, be kind, love yourselves and your bodies - we are fabulous xxxxx

[EPT Host 20]

Dear Pipb,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses. To experience one loss is difficult to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
There is no timeframe for recovery, continue to be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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