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Emotionally Recovering from Ectopic Vs. Miscarriage

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Emotionally Recovering from Ectopic Vs. Miscarriage

Postby CGeorge » Wed May 29, 2019 5:10 pm

Hey Everyone,

I am new to this site so I apologize if this is a repeat topic, but I tried searching and couldn't find one that worked. Anyway, I am in the recovery process from being medically treated for an ectopic pregnancy, i.e. the methotrexate worked, but I am still getting weekly blood tests until HCG decreases to 0. Physically, I am fine for the most part, but I am definitely still grieving. I have many friends and family that have said they are here if I need them and that have told me they understand what I am going through because they have had a miscarriage(s). I find that I no longer want to reach out to them because it makes me a little angry that they are comparing their miscarriage to my situation because even though what they went through is terrible, they didn't have to make a decision to put medication in their body to end their pregnancy. This was my first pregnancy so I have never been through a miscarriage myself and I am a very logical person so after I feel anger I question my anger and wonder if I am being irrational. Has anyone gone through both a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy? I am so sorry in advance that you had to endure both, but I am curious if your emotional recovery was different or the same for each case or if you felt differently about the pregnancy in each case.

Thank you for sharing in advance

Camaron
CGeorge
 
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Re: Emotionally Recovering from Ectopic Vs. Miscarriage

Postby EPT Host 20 » Wed May 29, 2019 8:00 pm

Dear Camaron,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy, we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. Ectopic pregnancy effects us in so many ways, it is understandable that you are feeling so angry, confused, emotional, believe me we all did.
Be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Many women use our boards to ask questions and express themselves in a safe, supportive environment and do feel free to use the boards as long as you need. We will all be here for you.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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Re: Emotionally Recovering from Ectopic Vs. Miscarriage

Postby Leila06 » Thu May 30, 2019 6:41 pm

So sorry you’re going through this, it’s a dreadful experience. I’m in the unfortunate situation of having had a miscarriage and an ectopic. The miscarriage was my first pregnancy, followed by my daughter, then an ectopic. I actually found the emotional trauma worse with the miscarriage, mainly because it was my first pregnancy. But to be honest I think both are utterly awful and heartbreaking things to go through. I found some people’s reactions very unhelpful, (especially when they said they understood when they quite clearly didn’t!) but I’m slowly realising that whatever they said/say they were only trying to help as best they can.

Pretty much the only positive I’ve taken from these experiences is that I now feel much more confident in knowing what to say to people who are going through horrible times. It’ll make you a much stronger person in the long run.

Sending love and hopefully you’ll be through this soon and it’ll be a distant (horrible) memory xx
Leila06
 
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Re: Emotionally Recovering from Ectopic Vs. Miscarriage

Postby TieraSS » Sat Jun 15, 2019 2:12 pm

I understand exactly how you feel and I'm actually glad you posted this. My first pregnancy was ectopic and I feel the same frustration and anger you feel when it comes to comparing ectopic vs miscarriage. I'm a logical person too and I would have honestly felt better having a miscarriage because majority of miscarriages are done because there's something wrong with the baby. With an ectopic pregnancy, there's nothing wrong physically with the baby, it just implants where it shouldn't be. And knowing that hurts. Which people dont seem to understand and they won't. I honestly dont talk with my friends or coworkers about it that ask me because they tend to stay the most stupid stuff and I get sick of their "advice". I wish i knew what to say to help, but, i don't. I just understand how you feel being frustrated with the people close to you.
TieraSS
 
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Re: Emotionally Recovering from Ectopic Vs. Miscarriage

Postby Wardeh » Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:47 pm

I’ve been through both a missed miscarriage and currently going through an unruptured ectopic pregnancy terminated with double dosage of methotrexate injections.
I can’t say which experience was worse but I can compare the both just for reference :)
My first pregnancy right after marriage ended up in a 6 week embryo with no fetal activity and the doctor tried to wait it out till the 9th week when she finally decided to opt for dnc. That 3 -5 weeks waiting time was a real killer as every single day i just wouldnt know what to wait, pray and strive for with the bleeding that was happening ever since i had concieved to the uncertain ultrasound diagnosis. Every single day was tremendously hard to pass not knowing what the outcome may be like.
On the other hand in my second pregnancy, when my periods got delayed for a week i checked the bhcg levels and it turned out to be positive. But i had started spotting slightly so i informed the doctor who told me to eat duphaston and come tomorrow after an ultrasound. In the ultrasound there was a 4 week gestational sac and the doctor gave meds to promote growth and increase hcg levels. By the third day when i returned for the ultrasound they figured it was an unruptured ectopic pregancy and the gyne advised methotrexate injections. I googled my heart out before taking them incase there was a chance of saving the baby but once i figured it wasnt viable me and my husband decided to go ahead with the termination. So the journey started and ended literally in 3 days.
With the missed miscarriage and the dnc, the surgery itself was relatively painless and there were no side effects. I remember for prepping me they took me to the labour room along side other ladies with huge bellies ready to pop out any minute so that was a big no no. I felt out of place and awkward being in the same room as i wasn't going to end up with a baby in my hand. Next they placed meds in my vagina to dilate the cervix that made me feverish and sent weird shivers all over my body along with diarrhea. In a few hours i was prepped enough to operate and the anesthesia injection hurt quite a bit but after that i have no memory of what happened. When i woke up everything felt fine plus there were no scars or stitches hence no painful reminders. I bled for like 40 days on and off similar to periods and just a really small part of my left thigh felt numb maybe due to the anesthesia.
While when i got the first methotrexate injection the doctor didn’t inform me of the side effects. Once i googled this was an anti cancer injection i found out there might be a plethora of side effects that might kick in. Three days later when my bhcg was still rising the doctor gave me a second dosage of methotrexate and simply informed now i might feel sick. The side effects came in with a bang and within 24 hours i had mouth ulcers with such a soar throat that it had made my life miserable. I just couldn't swallow anything but i still tried and got away with bare minimum rice, bread or yogurt to eat medicines. One day i managed to eat quesadillas but oh boy the acidity and heart burn that followed that night was beyond horrible. Next i had these acne spots all over my body around 10-15 which popped and then turned purplish with still some pus on the circumference. I asked my doctor if these symptoms were normal she gave me meds to tackle the acidity, mouth sores and acne. I’d often feel really fatigued and dizzy coupled with severe gas issues. And then i noticed my hair fall had increased than normal and that too was one of the rarer side effects of the injections. Once the bhcg started falling, i started bleeding. The doctor hadn’t told me so i panicked and called my husband thinking this was an emergency. Thankfully she picked my call and told me this was normal as the lining had to shed out. I usually like knowing what to expect to be able to mentally prepare myself so all these side effects that i had googled i was able to tackle better except for the bleeding. Now im much better the mouth ulcers have subsided but there’s just so much medication i’m taking right now its annoying.
I work from home for a company, so with the dnc i remember taking 3 days off from my work just for the surgery and recovery. But with this ectopic i was hoping i could spring back to work but i was having issues focusing hence i took a week off.
For both times I'm sure the sex will be off for a while it bothered me much more when i was still in the honeymoon phase right now it isn't the worst thing on my mind.
With the first pregnancy we had announced and on-boarded our parents and siblings so the waiting time and decision making followed with surgery etc had a lot more baggage than we would’ve liked. It was really disappointing for us and the family although they were supportive throughout.
When we got to know we were pregnant the second time we decided to keep it to the two of us till we don't cross the first trimester and we both took the decision for termination which allowed us to go through the process timely and without extra emotional baggage. Of course we had to break the bad news to both the families as the side effects were driving us insane and thankfully they’ve been supportive with less drama and explanation.
Emotionally maybe both the miscarriage and the ectopic have been a rollercoaster ride but in slightly different ways. Because the missed miscarriage was right after my wedding we were quite optimistic and i really thought that pregnancy will go through. I was heartbroken for the longest, didn't want to try even for another pregnancy even when the doctor had given a green signal. The ectopic pregnancy happened after 1.5 years of trying hard with one cycle of failed super-ovulation . I seriously thought i was stressed out or my pcos had kicked in when my periods got delayed. The first appointment to the ultrasound specialist was really hard for me as i kept thinking we’re going to have the same turmoil again with no heartbeat. I really had to put an effort and make myself understand that this pregnancy was a new chapter and there was no need to be paranoid. In the three day waiting zone i had my hopes high let myself daydream, downloaded the baby centre app to check where i stood with a due date that showed apr 2020 and the size of the baby had gone from poppy seed ( 4 weeks) to sesame seeds ( 5 weeks). I was secretly praying for a heartbeat to show up in the next appointment. On the third day when the doctor said it was unrupted ectopic and that thank god there was no heart beat i got really confused on what one should be hoping for. Like seriously the last time it managed to get stuck in the right place but it didn't have a heart beat and this time it got stuck else where and on top of that the doctors were grateful it didnt have a heart beat. Both the times i felt sorry for myself and my body for the ordeal it had to go through and at the end of it we’re back at square one with no baby in hand.
Im just highly glad that i’ve been able to conceive naturally both the times. There have been no scars/stitches that would serve as reminders for the dnc and the ectopic. Because the human mind is amazing it tends to forget the pain and what has happened in the past provided there are no reminders lurking around and i hope ill forget this ectopic pregnancy episode too. Also thank god it didnt rupture and turn into a life threatening situation.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through an ectopic pregnancy Camaron, i just hope and pray you can find all the love and support to know it wasn’t your fault. Sending loads of love and prayers your way may you recover to the fullest of health. I wish people knew how to provide support rather than unsolicited advise/ comparisons to other tragic situations. We’ll get through this, just keep swimming :)
Wardeh
 
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