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My friend is pregnant

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HW1311
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2019 6:59 am

My friend is pregnant

Post by HW1311 »

I'm now 6 weeks post surgery to have my pregnancy and right tube removed. This would have been my first pregancy. I thought I had been coping with it all really well and was slowly getting there.
Last night one of my best friends let me know shes pregnant, she was nervous to tell me after what I've been through but really wanted me to be one of the first to know and knew I would be happy for her.
I am so happy for her (and obviously let her know that) but at the same time it was so hard to hear and I thought it would be easier than that :(. To know that had I had a successful pregnancy that we would have been doing this together (she would be around 3 weeks behind me) and that our children could have grown up together breaks my heart. She has said the same and said she was nervous when she got her news as it was only a week after id had surgery so she was cautious of potentially having a similar situation. I want to be there for her and watch her little one grow, but its going to be so so hard and understandably I'm going to feel sad thinking, that could have been me.

I wasnt going to use these forums myself (although I have been reading them as they do help) but I feel like I should now. I'm not as healed mentally as I thought I was. I had so little time to process I was pregnant before having it all ripped away from me (4/5 days). This is so hard.

LadyBear
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:08 am

Re: My friend is pregnant

Post by LadyBear »

I’m so sorry that you have had to endure this. I had surgery 1 week ago and all the emotions are still very raw. We just had neighbours move in, and found out they have 2 young boys and the mother is expecting. Plus the grandmother was there smoking. This was the first bout of real anger I felt. I haven’t had any friends tell me of any new pregnancies yet, but I can imagine the confusion from both heartbreak and your joy for her. But these feelings are completely valid, and I think it is wonderful that your friend is compassionate and supportive for you ♥️ I have been told it gets easier. I find reading these forums and contributing to be extremely helpful. Remember we are not alone! And we are stronger than we know.

Sallyo
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm

Re: My friend is pregnant

Post by Sallyo »

I found myself in the same position following my ectopic 8 months ago. My friend had struggled for 2 years before having IVF for her first baby. Then just before Christmas she told me she had fallen pregnant, but naturally this time round. I, of course, was delighted for her but I couldn't help feel pangs of jealousy. We would have been pregnant together, on maternity leave together, and our children friends. I felt as though I had been cheated.

As the months passed and I began to come to terms with the loss of my own pregnancy it did get easier, and I started to feel the sort of joy for my friend that I should have felt at her initial announcement. I think that perhaps you're still in a phase of shock and maybe some anger that this awful thing has happened to you. I've been having counselling to try and help me cope with some of my emotions and I told my friend about how I was struggling too, this might be something to consider.

I found out last week that I am pregnant again and the first person I told (aside from my partner!) was my pregnant friend. Please try and stay positive because it does get easier eventually xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: My friend is pregnant

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear HW1311,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need,
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: My friend is pregnant

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Sally,
Congratulations on your pregnancy, thank you for sharing the news and giving hope to so many,
sending warm hugs and positive thoughts,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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