Hi,
I’m currently going through expected management after an ectopic pregnancy. This was following years of TTC and successful IUI treatment due to unexplained infertility. I have found the process traumatic and draining and am finding being in limbo about when it will end unbearable. Because of the high level of monitoring I’ve been having, doctors have now found what they think is endometriosis which may explain some of the fertility issues but feels and this feels like another blow.
This week, I have had to deal with two pregnancy announcements, one from a friend and one from a colleague. I have completely ignored my friends message and had 2 days off work and have avoided my colleague at all costs. I’ve read about how common it is to feel jealous and bitter towards other pregnant women but it feels so overwhelming and unmanageable I was wondering how anyone else with similar feelings coped? I’ve signed up to access therapy but in the meantime I have to work and every day is a struggle. I think the idea of watching my colleague’s pregnancy develop daily knowing her due date is around what mine would have been is just too much when I’m already grieving, disappointed, feeling hopeless and like it’ll never happen for me.
On top of this I’m not a bitter or resentful person so the drastic change in how I’m feeling is making me feel like a bad person, compounding everything I feel.
If anyone has any suggestions on how I can get thought this I’d be grateful.
Thanks,
C x
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Coping with pregnant friends/ colleagues
Re: Coping with pregnant friends/ colleagues
Three days after I found out my pregnancy was ectopic I got a text from my sister in law telling me that her 8 week scan went great and her baby had a strong heartbeat.I was wondering how anyone else with similar feelings coped?
I cried. So much. Ugly tears. I called my husband and cried to him and he didn't know what to do. I cried to my mom and to the friend I had told about the pregnancy. All I could send my sister in law was a smiley face.
The hardest part was that I wasn't even very... "sad" really, but I just couldn't stop crying. I was more angry at myself and my body and jealous. I think that jealousy and envy is a normal reaction. I had lots of terrible intrusive thoughts: How come MY body couldn't do the right thing? SHE has a child already, why do *I* have the problems and will now have future problems? *I* probably would take better care of it. It's not FAIR etc etc. My therapist assured me that these thoughts are all natural. I recognize that I don't really BELIEVE them, but rather they are intrusive and a reaction to what happened. So I let them happen, each time I thought something like that I used my countering technique (like "I don't really believe that, its intrusive, You love her, she will be a great mom, life isn't fair, etc") and I cried some more.
I think I just ran out of tears eventually. I get a little sad when she updates me, and I will always probably feel pangs of sadness with the niece/nephew but... I've processed it. It took a lot of thinking, a lot of anger, a lot of tissues and self-pampering, but I've finally accepted it. I never really understood grief until now, but I guess I do now.
And finally, this old advice from someone on reddit years ago rings true: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/com ... o/c1u0rx2/
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but we are going through it together, and we will get through it, together. You are not a bad person, at all. Not one bit. Your feelings are natural, normal reactions.
Re: Coping with pregnant friends/ colleagues
Hi
I was exactly in this position this time last year. I had just come back to work after my first ectopic surgery and my colleague announced she was pregnant. She was due 4 weeks after my due date. I was envious and jealous. I felt there’s no way I can watch her grow a healthy pregnancy when I had killed mine! A few months later, I found out my sister in law was pregnant and suddenly I felt like everyone I knew was having babies! It felt utterly rubbish. Eventually though I made my heart understand that our time may come (it may not) but everyone’s allowed their right to have children and become a mum. It’s not their fault my body didn’t work. I realised that I can be aunties to all these cute babies and I get to do the fun stuff and hand them back to to the nappies!
Since then I have had a second ectopic which nearly killed me as I ruptured and lost three litres of blood. More friends announce pregnancies and whilst those envious and jealous thoughts came about again I felt I dealt with it better. All I can say is it does get easier. Time is a great healer!
I was exactly in this position this time last year. I had just come back to work after my first ectopic surgery and my colleague announced she was pregnant. She was due 4 weeks after my due date. I was envious and jealous. I felt there’s no way I can watch her grow a healthy pregnancy when I had killed mine! A few months later, I found out my sister in law was pregnant and suddenly I felt like everyone I knew was having babies! It felt utterly rubbish. Eventually though I made my heart understand that our time may come (it may not) but everyone’s allowed their right to have children and become a mum. It’s not their fault my body didn’t work. I realised that I can be aunties to all these cute babies and I get to do the fun stuff and hand them back to to the nappies!
Since then I have had a second ectopic which nearly killed me as I ruptured and lost three litres of blood. More friends announce pregnancies and whilst those envious and jealous thoughts came about again I felt I dealt with it better. All I can say is it does get easier. Time is a great healer!
