Struggling

[gemb9]

Hi all,
I just needed to post this morning as have been really struggling lately. I had emergency surgery for ectopic pregnancy 2 months ago, as well as a miscarriage in January. The due date for my first baby would’ve been 10 July and ever since then I’ve struggled not to just think about how things should’ve been. And I feel that 2 months on from the ectopic most people expect me to be back to normal but I’m not and I feel I’ve just hit a wall and can’t keep putting on a brave face. I’m still waiting to get counselling which I hope will help. I don’t want to see a lot of my friends as they have babies / are pregnant. And I just want to hide away in bed a lot of the time. Reading this forum has been a big help as it makes me feel less alone. If anyone has any advice on how to cope then that would be very much appreciated Xxxx

[Han_85]

Hi i get this so much. I have today chased up counselling referral and left messages for 2 other help groups. As nearly 2 weeks ago I felt like started to go backwards and just crying all time randomly again more. Yesterday cousin (who my whole life seems to compete with me in everything, thought would have grown up and stopped that now) announce she pregnant. She made point when i was recovering from op 2 months ago she still on pill (one in arm). I now havent stopped crying. I have been unable to make myself go into work today. And not interested in even getting dressed, took all i had to get out of bed. So any help be good, but altho i cant help with advice im here to support as seems like we at same point. Xx

[gemb9]

Thank you so much for replying and I’m so sorry you are also going through this. I can’t imagine how difficult that was to hear from your cousin that she is pregnant. It just feels so unfair. I feel like I’m living in dread of the next pregnancy announcement- they seem to be coming from everywhere. I too haven’t managed into work today and feel have been going backwards. Well done for getting out of bed, it is so hard to even do that at the moment. Hope you hear back about counselling soon. Is it an NHS referral? Xxx

[Han_85]

I have just had a lovely chat with a lady I was put in contact with, yes she had a miscarriage but there were things about how I felt she had gone through so could connect with me. Dont be afraid to talk to anyone who will listen. Some things that I was told could do that have helped others were a mark to remember baby was release balloons, write poem or letter then either tuck away back of a draw for you to visit when want, or destroy it, but it gets it out your head/off your chest. I will listen any time xx

[gemb9]

I’m so glad you had a helpful chat with someone. I’ve really struggled with feeling like I don’t have anyone to talk to who has gone through anything similar. I’ve got my first counselling session next week - they can only offer me fortnightly sessions but better than nothing and it has helped a bit to know that I have it arranged now. Thanks for the suggestions - I did write a letter after the first miscarriage and it helped so good to be reminded of that and will try that again. Hope you are feeling a bit better today xxx

[zay]

Oh my goodness I sooo get this. My sister announced she was pregnant like a week after my ectopic. And she's still pregnant... 5 months. Her due date within a couple days of what mine would have been.... Obviously I don't want to project my burdens onto anyone else but it is SO HARD looking at her pregnant belly and just seeing scars on mine. I thought I was okay and finally doing better but I just broke down today (4months post op) after an ultrasound and I can't seem to pull myself together.

[EPT Host 20]

Dear gemb9,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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[Sunshine19]

Hope you get on ok with your counselling session this week xx

[gemb9]

Thank you Sunshine19. I just had a message from a friend letting me know she had her baby on Friday and I just feel so sad. I'm scared that'll never be me, and also feel guilty as I just can't feel happy for other people having babies at the moment. Counselling can't come soon enough!

Thank you for your reply Karen, the support from this forum has been great.

Zay I'm so sorry you're going through something similar. I wish I had the answers as to how to get through this but hoping you're feeling a bit better today.

xxx