It's been 5 weeks since my operation to remove my right tube and baby and I am really really struggling. I feel like this is never going to end. I cant get myself out of feeling so low.
My partner was so supportive the first week, we were talking, he was speaking to other people about it and using the forums on here but now he has gone the total opposite way. He wont speak to me, hes snappy with me. Usually he is so laid back but he is so short tempered and has no patience which isnt like him at all. I'm not used to him being like this and I'm really struggling with how to deal with it.
I have felt like I have had to pretend to be ok this last week or so as I feel like I'm treading on eggshells but I'm hurting so much inside and its exhausting trying to pretend everything is fine.
I feel like he actually doesnt really care at the moment and it's making me feel so crappy. I cant talk to him about it as I feel like he thinks I should be 'over' it by now. I have suggested he speaks to someone but he said he doesnt need to.
Has anyone else experienced this from their partner? I feel like its tearing us apart. He doesnt want to be around me and I dont want to be around him. I dont know what to do.
Sorry if this is silly xxx
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Struggling With Partner
Re: Struggling With Partner
Hi, this is not silly at all. My daughter has been experiencing the same thing as yourself. She had surgery a week and a half ago. Her partner cried and comforted her in the beginning and was obviously devastated. In the last few days it has been tough for them as he has been acting very different. I personally think it’s their way of coping with the grief and hopefully each day will get a little easier. Hope things improve for you, take care xx
Re: Struggling With Partner
My partner has been really supportive but we have rowed .., because I feel he wants to just get over it and I can’t ... but he says that not true ... he says that he misses me, the old me and he will be ok when I am ?? Maybe your partner feels the same? Men are defo different and he tends to keep busy rather than talk x
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Sunshine19
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:06 am
Re: Struggling With Partner
Thank you for your reply.
I'm so sorry about your daughter. And that her partner is struggling and has changed too. Its horrible.
Like you say, I think it is their way of coping, it's just so hard seeing him like this and trying to be strong for him at the same time as coping with how I'm feeling and pretending everything is ok with me as not to upset him.
I feel like this grief is never going to get easier. When I am on my own all I do is cry. I dont want people seeing me like that so its usually at night time. My partner goes to bed and I just sit and cry then fall asleep on the sofa at some silly hour. It's the only time I can let all my emotions out. I sound so negative! I dont know where else to express how I'm feeling! I'm not a negative person usually.
Hope things get easier for your daughter and her partner and hope you are ok too xxx
I'm so sorry about your daughter. And that her partner is struggling and has changed too. Its horrible.
Like you say, I think it is their way of coping, it's just so hard seeing him like this and trying to be strong for him at the same time as coping with how I'm feeling and pretending everything is ok with me as not to upset him.
I feel like this grief is never going to get easier. When I am on my own all I do is cry. I dont want people seeing me like that so its usually at night time. My partner goes to bed and I just sit and cry then fall asleep on the sofa at some silly hour. It's the only time I can let all my emotions out. I sound so negative! I dont know where else to express how I'm feeling! I'm not a negative person usually.
Hope things get easier for your daughter and her partner and hope you are ok too xxx
Re: Struggling With Partner
This is my second d ectopic... the first was 7 hrs ago and it ruptured my right tube. I can honestly say that it WILL get better, you will live your life again and you will be happy again,
My op was two weeks ago and I keep telling myself I will get through this ! And for us we now have Ivf to battle x it’s so hard and everyday is different , my oh is in bed now and I’m here on the sofa
can’t work as obvs signed off and believe me I would give anything g to have my baby back x all you can do is just keep going x sending love
My op was two weeks ago and I keep telling myself I will get through this ! And for us we now have Ivf to battle x it’s so hard and everyday is different , my oh is in bed now and I’m here on the sofa
can’t work as obvs signed off and believe me I would give anything g to have my baby back x all you can do is just keep going x sending loveRe: Struggling With Partner
Oh bless you x you sound so much like my daughter. She has no motivation at the minute. Her partner is fitting their new kitchen at the moment, which is keeping him busy. She is going back to childminding tomorrow, but I know she would rather not. They have a 3 year old toddler who also keeps her busy. Myself and husband have been there for them and I was with her when they found the ectopic on the scan. It has hit myself & husband really hard too, seeing her like this. I really do feel for you and I really hope things get better xx
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Sunshine19
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:06 am
Re: Struggling With Partner
Kayjayleo,
So sorry to hear this is your second loss. My heart goes out to you. You seem so strong and are doing amazing for being so positive (whilst listening to me banging on!) Sorry!
I feel the same...like he is over it and it's like he is angry at me for not being. That's how he is making me feel at the moment. This has definitley pushed us apart. We arent even sleeping in the same bed at the moment.
I'm on the sofa at the moment too and I can hear him snoring! I feel so selfish and like I am starting to resent him...why I am having to feel like this and he can just hey on with it? I know that's selfish but I cant help all these feelings.
He was talking loads the first week, to his brother, my brother, me but now I dont even feel I can mention it. He too was very supportive the first week.
Hope you are ok and he opens up abit more soon xxx
So sorry to hear this is your second loss. My heart goes out to you. You seem so strong and are doing amazing for being so positive (whilst listening to me banging on!) Sorry!
I feel the same...like he is over it and it's like he is angry at me for not being. That's how he is making me feel at the moment. This has definitley pushed us apart. We arent even sleeping in the same bed at the moment.
I'm on the sofa at the moment too and I can hear him snoring! I feel so selfish and like I am starting to resent him...why I am having to feel like this and he can just hey on with it? I know that's selfish but I cant help all these feelings.
He was talking loads the first week, to his brother, my brother, me but now I dont even feel I can mention it. He too was very supportive the first week.
Hope you are ok and he opens up abit more soon xxx
Re: Struggling With Partner
I cry every day, zone out numerous times a day and didn’t wash my hair for like a week! I have felt that anger towards him, like he didn’t have the op, he don’t have the scars’ he can go get someone else pregnant ! (Yes I even said this to him in rage) I think it’s all normal part of grieving, your grieving for the loss of hopes and dreams aswell as a baby x
Re: Struggling With Partner
B67 b67
I hope your daughter feels more like herself soon, my mum cried at the hospital when we found out x she is coming over here tomorrow to help clean x all you can do is just be there nothing can fix us only love and time x
I hope your daughter feels more like herself soon, my mum cried at the hospital when we found out x she is coming over here tomorrow to help clean x all you can do is just be there nothing can fix us only love and time x
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Sunshine19
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:06 am
Re: Struggling With Partner
B67 B67,
Aww bless you. Of course it has hit you hard and you will need to grieve too and process all what's happened. My dad has been devastated. He has found it so hard to come to terms with the fact he nearly lost me and I just keep saying but I'm here and that's all that matters. I dont know what else to say. My brother as well took it so badly which surprised me to be honest.
Well we are doing our garden at the moment, the friday I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and was sent straight to surgery the gardener was at ours!!! He just rotavated, my other half is doing the rest but he has no motivation to do anything. We also are very lucky to have a 3 year old daughter. It makes me feel guilty to feel how I do when we have a little girl yet others dont so I feel like why should I feel like this when I already have a baby. It's more than some people have so why am I being selfish.
All these emotions are crazy and so new and just horrendous.
Has your daughter used the forum? Its helped me so much xxx
Aww bless you. Of course it has hit you hard and you will need to grieve too and process all what's happened. My dad has been devastated. He has found it so hard to come to terms with the fact he nearly lost me and I just keep saying but I'm here and that's all that matters. I dont know what else to say. My brother as well took it so badly which surprised me to be honest.
Well we are doing our garden at the moment, the friday I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and was sent straight to surgery the gardener was at ours!!! He just rotavated, my other half is doing the rest but he has no motivation to do anything. We also are very lucky to have a 3 year old daughter. It makes me feel guilty to feel how I do when we have a little girl yet others dont so I feel like why should I feel like this when I already have a baby. It's more than some people have so why am I being selfish.
All these emotions are crazy and so new and just horrendous.
Has your daughter used the forum? Its helped me so much xxx
Re: Struggling With Partner
Kayjayleo,
Thank you so much x so sorry you have experienced 2 losses x you sound a very positive and strong lady. Reading your messages tonight has really helped me as the mum of a daughter who is going through this xx
Thank you so much x so sorry you have experienced 2 losses x you sound a very positive and strong lady. Reading your messages tonight has really helped me as the mum of a daughter who is going through this xx
Re: Struggling With Partner
Sunshine19
A lot of people will say to my daughter, well your lucky to have one. And also they say it’s about time you had another one isn’t it. She has PCOS and has trouble conceiving. These comments don’t go down very well. She is feeling just like you at the moment. There isn’t really much that can be said at the moment that will help xx
A lot of people will say to my daughter, well your lucky to have one. And also they say it’s about time you had another one isn’t it. She has PCOS and has trouble conceiving. These comments don’t go down very well. She is feeling just like you at the moment. There isn’t really much that can be said at the moment that will help xx
Re: Struggling With Partner
Sunshine19
I have suggested the forums to her. She has signed up but can’t bring herself to read or post anything yet xx
I have suggested the forums to her. She has signed up but can’t bring herself to read or post anything yet xx
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Sunshine19
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:06 am
Re: Struggling With Partner
People dont think before they speak and people dont know the circumstances surrounding the situation. I do feel extremely lucky to have my daughter, of course I do and she is very precious but that doesn't mean we cant wish for another child and grieve one we have lost.
Aww bless her. Always here to chat if she or you want to. Sending lots of love xxx
Aww bless her. Always here to chat if she or you want to. Sending lots of love xxx
Re: Struggling With Partner
Sunshine19
Thank you so much, I will see if she’s ready to talk on the forums yet. Take care of yourself xx
Thank you so much, I will see if she’s ready to talk on the forums yet. Take care of yourself xx
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Sunshine19
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:06 am
Re: Struggling With Partner
Kayjayleo,
It's good to cry to let the emotions out.
I would probably have said the same to be fair!! No judgement here!
We havent really even argued as such, just haven't spoke much and when we do its just yes, nos and grunts.
I'm so tired I just cant sleep. First proper week back at work this week too which I am dreading. I did a few hours last week but that was it. Really have no motivation to go to work.
Always here if you want to chat or rant or be angry, sad or anything. Sending lots of love xxx
It's good to cry to let the emotions out.
I would probably have said the same to be fair!! No judgement here!
We havent really even argued as such, just haven't spoke much and when we do its just yes, nos and grunts.
I'm so tired I just cant sleep. First proper week back at work this week too which I am dreading. I did a few hours last week but that was it. Really have no motivation to go to work.
Always here if you want to chat or rant or be angry, sad or anything. Sending lots of love xxx
Re: Struggling With Partner
Hey guys!
It's been 4 months for me and has taken me a really long time to register with this website and reply to someone but I just wanted to say that I experienced the EXACT same thing with my partner. I think men just feel helpless and get angry about it. It's much different for us as we feel the pain and experienced it, we see the scars everyday, we carried and felt that baby... but for them it's different.
I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD and just trying to function like a normal human (it's been 4 months) has been incredibly hard. I'm living abroad from the UK right now and have zero support around me besides from my partner, and we've argued almost non-stop since this happened.
Anyone else just feel like a total failure as a woman/partner/mother?
It's been 4 months for me and has taken me a really long time to register with this website and reply to someone but I just wanted to say that I experienced the EXACT same thing with my partner. I think men just feel helpless and get angry about it. It's much different for us as we feel the pain and experienced it, we see the scars everyday, we carried and felt that baby... but for them it's different.
I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD and just trying to function like a normal human (it's been 4 months) has been incredibly hard. I'm living abroad from the UK right now and have zero support around me besides from my partner, and we've argued almost non-stop since this happened.
Anyone else just feel like a total failure as a woman/partner/mother?
Re: Struggling With Partner
Me and my partner were okay at the beginning but it’s week 4now. And we just argue all the time also the only way we can conceive again is IVF and with our relationshipThe way it is there is no way we could commit to that I just feel that because I’m the one with the fertility problemHe should maybe just leave. You could go over and have a family with somebody else and I could just try line underneath it and start to except that I can’t have any more kids I’m here all my efforts in getting over this horrible situation. Maybe that’s the cowards way out because it’s harder to work hair he doesn’t have any kids and wants them and I just feel that my body has less down and he could have an easier time with someone else
