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Not coping

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Kayjayleo
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Jul 31, 2019 12:32 pm

Not coping

Post by Kayjayleo »

This is week 3.... I’ve beem up and down and today was a really down day. My good friend is pregnant and due in three weeks, she came over today and I knew it was gonna be hard but I under estimated how hard. I’ve also now developed a pinched nerve in my arm which is giving me so much pain, doc thinks it’s where I haven’t moved for weeks and layer on it? But it honestly umbareabale... I’m thinking of paying private for a ultra sound scan because I have had no debrief of what my surgeon actually did? I know he took my baby but what state was my tube in? I’m due on in a week and it’s freaking me out! I also suffer from depression and was having therapy after the death of both my mates in the last 12 months butnow this feels like I’m at the end of my rope x adding to that my boss wants me
Back in work Monday !!! :((

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Not coping

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Kayjayleo,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need. If you feel your emotions are overwhelming, I would advise speaking to your counsellor or doctor as soon as possible.

It also sounds like you are being pressured into going back to work when you are not ready. Surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on the role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body's sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.
In addition, it is worth bearing in mind that experiencing ectopic pregnancy is a very frightening experience and many women need to take time to help them deal with the psychological/emotional impact of the loss of their baby, being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and undergoing major surgery. Please speak to your GP about having further time off work if required.

We hear from many women who struggle being around pregnant friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice or speak to your counsellor. If you find things becoming too overwhelming the charity the Samaritans may also be of assistance and they have a free helpline
https://www.samaritans.org/

Above all, be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. We will be here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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