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Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

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Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

Postby Elle_kf » Thu Aug 08, 2019 12:32 am

Hey Ectopic Community!

It's been around 4 months since I went for my ultrasound to determine my due date when I was rushed to hospital for my emergency. I was told I could have the injection, then in the last minute was rushed into surgery. It was probably the most traumatic moment of my life. In the 4 months since my surgery, I've spent about 3 of them recovering physically (my recovery seems to be much slower than most people - I'm a little sickly so this isn't surprising for me!) But now I'm trying to deal with the emotional part.

My pregnancy came as a surprise... I was on the pill and I never wanted to be pregnant, I've wanted to adopt my baby since I was a 6 year old girl (was 29 at the time of this happening...30 now).

The shock of what's happened to me has slowly gotten worse over time. I started off with some basic depression symptoms in the weeks after my surgery which have slowly gotten worse and I've now been diagnosed with PTSD.

The worst part is my self-esteem. For some reason I just cant stomach being around any new people. Especially women! I seem to have lost all my confidence in myself, my body, my looks and feeling "Sexy" (seems like a joke even to type it!) and new, confident or happy people just totally intimidate me because I don't feel like a proper woman anymore and I'm also not happy enough to be "social".

I can't work out why I feel like this. Is anyone else here suffering with PTSD? Or social anxiety like this? I've never had either before now but literally want to physically run away when new people are around. This is completely out of character for me and I feel lost :( I've moved countries too so have been alone with my partner through all this and some of our friends abandoned us over what has happened. It's just the two of us now.

Would LOVE to hear someone else going through similar or if anyone has any advice? I can't work out if this is normal for PTSD or whether I just have some serious self-esteem issues now. I was SO confident and happy before this. AND was probably the most confident I've ever felt about myself when I was pregnant. This all feels like some cruel joke...

xxx
Elle_kf
 
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Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:38 pm

Re: Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

Postby EPT Host 22 » Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:37 pm

Hi Elle_kf,

My heart goes out to you, and I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer this ectopic pregnancy and loss. The trauma that we suffer is both physical and emotional, and each of us recovers in our times and our ways. It is understandable you are experiencing PTSD, and it is good to know that you've been in touch with care providers who were able to give you that diagnosis.

You've also experienced another significant life change in moving countries, which can be a disorienting event on its own. We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can help the healing process. We operate a helpline service, and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely, and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too if you prefer that route.

Also, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help, and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services. The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

These boards are filled with women and men recovering from ectopic pregnancies, and we are here for you anytime and as long as you need.

With good wishes,



Michele

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Re: Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

Postby Sunshine19 » Sat Aug 10, 2019 10:04 pm

Hi Ellie,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had an ectopic pregnancy 6 weeks ago with removal of my right tube.
I totally get all the feelings you are experiencing at the moment, I also have just been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and severe anxiety.
I went back to work last week and it was absolutely terrible. I work part time doing 2 jobs one of which is very sociable and I have to speak to people which I found so difficult and its something I have never experienced before so the feeling felt alien to me and I didnt know what to do with myself and wondered what the [heck] has happened to me.
Noone else understands that hasn't been through this and I feel like everyone feels I should be 'back to normal' by now. I dont want to see anyone, I dont want to go out, I don't want to do anything.
I also like you was a very confident, happy person. I have suffered depression before but am very good at putting a smile on and pretending I'm ok but I cant seem to do that at the moment.
I feel like I'm stuck in a hole I cant get out of. I have put on so much weight as havent done anything for 5 weeks and been eating terribly. So I feel disgusting in myself for that but also I cannot get intimate with my partner because I feel awful but also because of what's happened the thought of anything like that makes me feel sick. I feel guilty for him but if I try to I then feel guilty for the baby I have lost. I cant explain it.
My partner was so good the first week or so but has quite frankly been [censored word] the past couple of weeks and it's making me feel crap too because I feel like he doesn't understand and has forgotten everything that has happened.
I cant even imagine how it must be for you being in a different country without your friends and family around. Bless you.
Have you thought about having some counselling?
Here if you want to chat on here or email xxx
Sunshine19
 
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Re: Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

Postby LadyBear » Fri Aug 30, 2019 2:40 am

I’m sorry for your loss. I also am having self esteem issues. I feel like my body has failed me and I feel very disconnected to it like I don’t trust it. I don’t feel sexy either. (My poor hubby!) Surprisingly I find myself angry for no reason at any new mothers or pregnant women I see or meet, or just wanting to avoid them. Not sure of any solutions or techniques for you but I think counselling would likely be helpful! And maybe knowing you’re not alone might help a bit too.
LadyBear
 
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Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:08 pm

Re: Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

Postby Jeminy » Mon Sep 16, 2019 3:49 pm

I think it is totally normal to feel isolated when going through this, as it's such a personal trauma. In the weeks after treatment/surgery, you're having to rest so your body can heal, which means your mind also has lots of time to keep running through everything; it's all consuming!! On top of that, you don't trust your body, you put on weight (I've eaten a lot of cake!), and you have to come to terms with the fact that you were in a life threatening situation. It is a huge amount to process. I had my surgery 2 weeks ago, and in the last 4 days I've started struggling to sleep because my mind keeps replaying the trauma of the last month over and over. I have found that my interactions with other people have been really awkward, and I feel like there's a shroud of sadness hanging over me. I think it's tough to see other people going about their daily lives, with no clue of what you're going through, especially as it's been the only thing on your mind for so long. Also, the fact that I have been cooped up in my house with almost no visitors is part of the problem; I'm completely out of practice. It'll take time to settle back into being sociable again, and being happy, but we really need to allow ourselves that time, and just remember to be kind to ourselves. I always have a lot of fun at work, and I'm sure that I will initially feel some guilt about being happy again, when I return to work, but I'll try and remind myself that I don't need to feel guilty; it's only me telling myself that I should feel guilty for being happy again, no one else is expecting me to feel sad forever more. As for feeling sexy again, I am now making a conscious effort to eat well and do gentle exercise every other day (a walk around town), and just trying to get back into a normal routine, including self love. Whilst I've had so much time on my hands, I've been doing silly things like practicing my makeup for an upcoming wedding, or trimming my fringe so it looks on point, anything to make me feel a bit better about myself. Before trying to feel sexy with your partner again, try just being sexy for yourself first, get comfortable with your body again, start to love yourself again. Also, be forgiving of those around you who seem to have run out of sympathetic things to say; I'm sure they still feel extremely bad for you, but I'm sure they'll be desperate to help you get past this, and lift you up again; we need to allow our friends to do this, instead of expecting them to wallow in sadness with us. I hope you start to feel better about yourself soon; you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and you deserve to be happy again; be kind to yourself xxx
Jeminy
 
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Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:27 pm

Re: Struggling with Self-Esteem after ectopic

Postby Jeminy » Mon Sep 16, 2019 4:04 pm

I also meant to say, I have lost count of the number of health professionals who have been performing my internal scans and who have seen down below, throughout this whole ordeal; that, in itself, has had a huge part to play in me feeling completely de-sexualised. That's why I think it's important to "reclaim" my body for myself first, before I become intimate with my husband again. Love yourself xxx
Jeminy
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:27 pm


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