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Nearly 6 months on and still devastated

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Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2019 11:47 am

Nearly 6 months on and still devastated

Post by TLC09 »

We started trying for our first baby in November 2018 and after 5 months found out we were pregnant in March 2019 - we were so happy and excited!

However, in early April 2019, when I was 8 weeks, I started getting excruciating pain across my stomach. We went to A&E to be on the safe side and after 5 hours of waiting to be seen by the obs & gynae team (and after having countless needles prodded everywhere imaginable!) we were told I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and severe internal bleeding and needed emergency life-saving surgery. My left tube was removed, but we were told all looked fine with everything else.

Even now, almost six months later, I get so overwhelmed with what happened that I randomly burst into tears.

We’ve been trying again for the last two months, which is not long I know, but I can’t shake the fear that either I won’t get pregnant again or if I do it will be ectopic again. My periods seem completely messed up and are either shorter than usual or longer than before, which then gives us false hope that we’re pregnant again. No one ever prepares you for how hard this whole baby stuff is - all you get told at school is you’ll get pregnant if you have sex without using contraceptives!

It currently feels like all of our friends are getting pregnant and having babies and whilst I am really happy for them, it also makes me sad. It’s just not fair - it should have been us! I then get angry with myself for feeling that way as who knows what other people are going through, but it just seems to be a constant reminder that it hasn’t yet worked for us.

Is anyone else in the same boat and does anyone else feel like this?

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1592
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Nearly 6 months on and still devastated

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear TLC09,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process, the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too:

Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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