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I had a keyhole surgery at 5 weeks + 6 days to remove my left tube and fetus 4 weeks ago, after having a miscarriage at 11 weeks in January. It was particularly weird because a lot of the staff that we met this time were the same (all were very kind). The doctors were brilliant until after my op, where we waited all day for them to tell me whether they were happy with the outcome and what they'd found (I know they are busy, the wait wasn't a problem). When they came it wasn't the consultant I'd had for the rest of the time, they explained everything very fast so I don't really remember what they said other than the other tube looked ok. They showed me pictures of the tube before they removed it without asking me first and I'm still not sure how I feel about it, is it normal for them to do that?
My partner and I both work in events, he's full time and I'm freelance at the same company. As I'm self employed I've lost my main source of income through not being physically able to do my job (lots of running around, bending, lifting heavy things etc) and work know exactly what the situation is but haven't made contact with me at all, but have been very supportive to my husband. This is compounding the feeling of absolute loneliness and isolation, as well as the fear of not having any means of making money over the next few months (the work I do is very seasonal).
The two side wounds from surgery have healed up,but the one in my navel is sore, red and has been oozing a bit of yellowish goo. It looked red, weepy and was sore last week so I made an appointment with the nurse at my GP to get it checked - I've never had surgery before and don't know what's "normal", but if I had an ordinary cut that looked and felt like that I would be concerned. I explained this to the woman I saw who helpfully told me "cuts hurt" and to essentially go away until it looked worse. It now looks worse so I've got another appointment on Friday to have it looked at, but I'm terrified they think I'm worrying over nothing and will just tell me to go away. It's painful when I'm doing nothing, and even more so when I'm sat or bending. I don't want to waste their time but I was told to get the wound checked if it was sore, red or weeping and as it's doing all those things I am worried. Am I being stupid??
Is it normal to feel a sort of crunching pain in a line between the side wounds when I bend? I spent a few days painting the woodwork in our porch last week for something to do but there was a lot of bending and some reaching and I'm really worried that I've done damage to myself without realising? But at that point I just needed something to occupy me as I'm alone all day.
I had a call from the bereavement office yesterday to say we could come and collect our "tissue" (her word not mine) and it would be wrapped in a knitted blanket in a white casket?? I don't know why but this has really made me feel weird. Has anyone else done this? I don't know anyone else who has had to do this so I don't know what to expect even though the woman sort of explained. What kind of casket? Surely it won't need a big box?
We also said yes to histological testing and haven't heard if they found anything out from that - who do we ask? We agreed to this in January with the miscarriage as I brought them some of the clots so they could see what was going on - but they never contacted is with any result? Even if they just said they couldn't find anything out that would have been better. As far as I know my pregnancy in January was always talked about as a pregnancy of unknown location, so is it possible that this was a self resolving ectopic that then caused damage and made it more likely for this ectopic to happen?
I'm so sorry to whinge and have so many bizarre questions, but I feel extremely isolated and sad. No one I know has experienced this and although family and friends have been kind they don't really know what to say.
Thank you for reading,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and losses,
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
It is normal to experience some pain as you recover over the next few weeks and pain and bruising is part of the healing process. The discomfort should reduce over the next few weeks and I would suggest taking any pain relief that has been prescribed for you as directed by your doctors.
We usually advise that If you find that you have an increased body temperature of more than 37°C or offensive smelling discharge or the wound site starts oozing or feels hot to touch, to get medical attention as soon as possible as these can be signs of infection. You are doing exactly the right thing in going back and if any of your symptoms worsen between now and Friday, call up for an earlier appointment.
We have more information on recovery here-
https://ectopic.org.uk/patients/your-bo ... pregnancy/
Based on what we hear from others, women are not automatically shown scans or told as to what happens to the baby once it has been removed after the surgery. Doctors will have focussed on you and done everything to save your life and to make sure your surgery and recovery goes smoothly. Many women never ask, maybe because it is too painful, or maybe because they try and focus on their own recovery.
There are several guidelines for medical professionals to follow regarding the sensitive treatment of your baby. As a result, many hospitals have adopted arrangements with local crematoria for the sensitive disposal but they are guidelines, and procedures vary from hospital to hospital.
If you are unsure as to what to expect with regards to the casket, I would advise calling back the bereavement office to explain it All a little further and hopefully in a more sensitive manner.
Above all be kind to yourself, allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. We will be here for you for as long as you need,
Sending much love,
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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