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3 Weeks Post Op - struggling with emotion

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Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2019 10:02 pm

3 Weeks Post Op - struggling with emotion

Post by AstelSeptember »

My husband and I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of September.
After a lifetime of irregular cycles, years struggling to conceive and doubt it would ever happen we were over the moon.

On the 24th September we had our first midwife appt who told us I was 12 weeks. By the end of the week I had heavy bleeding and after an unfruitful A&E trip and no help from our midwife unit we found out via private scan my pregnancy was ectopic in the right tube and was 7 weeks. With no heartbeat they confirmed our baby had died.

What followed was a whirlwind which ended in emergency surgery as my pregnancy hormone levels were 18,000. I lost the right tube and we lost our first baby. The surgeon also confirmed a clubbed left tube and endometriosis. We have been referred for a fertility follow up.

The recovery has been horrendous. I had missed stitches which needed removing resulting in additional tears. Now I am mobile again the emotion has hit me.

I can’t stop thinking about the baby we lost. What would they of looked like? What would their voice of sounded like? What would their first word of been? I know i’m tormenting myself but these thoughts go round and round in my head. I saw their side profile on the private scan and whilst I am glad I did I can’t stop thinking about it.

Does anyone else feel like this? How long does the grief last? When do you want to be intimate again without feeling totally terrified?

Looking for help x

EPT Host 22
Posts: 328
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: 3 Weeks Post Op - struggling with emotion

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi AstelSeptember,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so very sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. It can be a very confusing time and brings up so many emotions which we may not have expected. You have suffered physical and emotional trauma, and right now, it is so important to look after yourself. There is no standard recovery process, as each of us is unique, however as you've read these boards are full of men and women who understand the challenges of ectopic pregnancies.

It's important to remember that there is nothing you did to cause or could have done to stop an ectopic pregnancy. Right now, the most important thing to do is to look after yourself. There is no set recovery or set timeframe for recovery. As every women is unique, we all process it in different ways. Some days are better and some days are harder. Over time, the initial feelings may fade, but we don't forget. It's important to take the next steps in your own time, whether that be visiting a fertility clinic or ttc. Your well-being is the most important thing right now.

I found that journaling was a way for me to get my thoughts onto paper, helping me to make sense of my emotions and to share them with friends and family. The Trust also believes that talking therapies can be of great help. You may want to speak to your GP for a referral and a look into counselling or to contact your local Mind centres. We can also arrange for you to speak to someone on our helpline at the number below. Many find it of comfort to speak to someone who has been through same thing and we can support you alongside the counseling. You will also find more information for support on our website:

Please know that these boards are here for you, any time, to share or to vent for as long as you need.

With good wishes,


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