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I Had A Mental Breakdown

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Jsc1984
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:53 am

I Had A Mental Breakdown

Post by Jsc1984 »

I just had my ectopic pregnancy terminated 2 weeks ago. I feel alone and my husband and I have been fighting. I threatened divorce last night and then had a full OCD- induced mental breakdown tonight. It was really bad and he was really terrified. I was really terrified. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I think it was all too much. We had been so close I opened up to him about my grief and pain over our lost pregnancy. No one seems to understand why I’m so upset about this. The doc and ultrasound tech confirmed there was no fetus just placenta tissue- so no fetus, no baby, no reason to be sad! WRONG! For 5 weeks I imagined life with my future child. That embryo had a name. It had a place in my heart that I cannot express. I still dream about my baby that never was. I dreamed about it last night. I miss being pregnant. I miss the joy and even the dumb things like ginger lozenges and stretch mark prevention cream or looking happily at the positive pregnancy test we kept on our dresser. You see, this was our first ever pregnancy. It was planned and hoped for with all of our hearts. And to have my pain invalidated kills me. Just bc it meant nothing to them, doesn’t mean it meant nothing to me, fetus or no fetus. I had a really strong reaction to the Metho injection as well. My body was having labor- like contractions. I’ve never known pain like that before. They had to put me on Percocet every 6 hours. How do you handle all this trauma while being told it shouldn’t bother me??? How do you process and heal when the world doesn’t seem to care or understand?

Jsc1984
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:53 am

Re: I Had A Mental Breakdown

Post by Jsc1984 »

Oh, my is grieving as well. He does care very much about our lost pregnancy. I think our emotions have been all over the place. Honesty I think we don’t know what to do with all this sadness, anger, grief and pain.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1900
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: I Had A Mental Breakdown

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Jsc1984,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Although well meaning, I too found that my friends and family didn't truly understand the loss I was experiencing. Like you, I reached out to the Trust, reading others experience's made me feel less alone. You will always have friends here who understand and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

If you are struggling with your mental health, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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Angelica2017
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2017 4:37 pm

Re: I Had A Mental Breakdown

Post by Angelica2017 »

Hi Jsc1984

In the early days I really struggled as in my opinion I lost I much wanted baby. Whatever anyone else thought or said such as it wasn’t a baby, it wasn’t ever going to live, it was just a few cells. I had done a test I knew I was pregnant and started dreaming about my future life. Me and my other half were ready to be parents. It was our first pregnancy and it all went wrong. I was also told I wouldn’t get pregnant Naturally again and would only get pregnant if I went for IVF.

I have learnt through this Journey that people don’t know what to say and some of what they said such as it was an early pregnancy loss is because they don’t know what to say and think they have to say something. Any loss is sad for those going through it

What worked for me but might not be right for you as we are all different was:
1) Be kind to yourself and try to stop some of the negative thoughts (so easier said than done)
2) saw my Gp. I was prescribed and took medication for depression. I was not in a good place
3) Took some time of work. I was not able to work. Getting out of bed, showered, dressed and to eat took all of my energy to start with and then I focused on tasks I found helpful cleaning/decorating/crafts
4)had a few years of weekly counselling to tell my story without judgement. To process what had happened and to explore why and how this has impacted on me this way. Again not easy but was soo worth it.
5) used forums like this for support when needed

Now I am in such a better place. It took time to heal. It was a difficult journey. I still sometimes think of those days I was pregnant and loving it. I am a different person.

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