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Just seeking someone similar...

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sunflowerpaters
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:17 pm

Just seeking someone similar...

Post by sunflowerpaters »

Hello all. I’m new to this forum and just seeking some advice or someone who can relate or just anyone really.

I’m 21, the pregnancy was a complete accident but ectopic. I found out in the early pregnancy unit, I later ruptured in hospital, but survived as I was plopped on the surgery table soon after (the NHS are worth their weight in gold). I had a Salpingectomy, removing my left Fallopian tube. It was very late at night, so my surgeon came to see me the following morning. She told me that I had 1/2 a litre of blood in my body because of the rupture, which wasn’t the worst of the news. She then told me that I should try to avoid naturally conceiving as if I have another pregnancy it will be ectopic. I, unknowingly, have had pelvic inflammatory disease causing major abrasions over my womb and my (now remaining) Fallopian tube to be very disfigured and full of kinks (causing the ectopic pregnancy). Further tests would have to be conducted to see if I could grow a baby in my womb via IVF, but unlikely due to the inflammatory disease. The whole situation from start to finish was horrifyingly scary and quick.

Being 21 and told that I can’t have children has brought great sadness to my life. I never planned on wanting babies as I’m very career focussed, but now that opportunity has been taken away from me, I feel very sad and emotionally empty. I’m thankful to be alive, of course, and it helped me realise that I need to stop holding onto poor friendships and toxic familial relationships as well as realising that I need to slow down and stop trying to fill my mind with a million projects that I take on. My life was nearly taken away from me at 21 by a complete accident. It wasn’t until the nurses told me that this could be so serious that I realised I’d been living my life at 100 miles an hour, trying to work hard and focus whilst ignoring the pain in my left side for two days. It was only because I decided to call 111 that I’m still here. The fear in my mum’s, best friend’s and boyfriend’s face as I screamed the ward down in pain as I ruptured is something I’ll never forget.

I’m a mixture of shock, sadness, anger, despair and constant fear. I hope this all makes sense. I just want someone, who has experienced something similar, to say they understand.

Thanks so much for reading.
Xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1592
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Just seeking someone similar...

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear sunflowerpaters,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, whether the pregnancy was planned or not, it doesn't detract from the shock or sadness we may experience. From your own words, I understand what a frightening experience this must have been for you and I'm so sorry you have had to go through this.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
When you do feel ready to try to conceive, I would advise speaking to your GP who can refer you to fertility specialists who will be able to advise you further.
We will be here for you as long as you need,
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

sunflowerpaters
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:17 pm

Re: Just seeking someone similar...

Post by sunflowerpaters »

EPT Host 20 wrote:Dear sunflowerpaters,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss, whether the pregnancy was planned or not, it doesn't detract from the shock or sadness we may experience. From your own words, I understand what a frightening experience this must have been for you and I'm so sorry you have had to go through this.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
When you do feel ready to try to conceive, I would advise speaking to your GP who can refer you to fertility specialists who will be able to advise you further.
We will be here for you as long as you need,
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
Thank you so much for your kind words and words of reassurance and encouragement. I feel strange as my situation is different to others in the sense that I’m young, this was unplanned and I never planned for babies/saw them as part of my future. I feel like a strange anomaly. Of course, I am not here to tell others’ story’s, but the lady in the bed next to me was devastated over her loss because hers was planned and she was married and that was her life course... I think that my situation adds elements of confusion to my emotion because not only was the ectopic a surprise, but the pregnancy too!

But again, thank you so so much. I will be forever grateful for this trust. It was this trust’s information pack that was given to me as soon as they told me I was having an ectopic pregnancy that required surgery.

Xx

Bld1
Posts: 19
Joined: Thu Oct 03, 2019 5:42 pm

Re: Just seeking someone similar...

Post by Bld1 »

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I too went through the same surgery in August removing my Left tube. The recovery was hard and I was certainly focused on just surviving and not really dealing with the emotional side of things. I never wanted kids. I had an IUD and this should have never happened but it did. It changed me completely. A few months before I got pregnant I felt like I was getting angrier about the thought of having a child and loosing my perfect little life if I ever did get pregnant. All my friends were talking about how much they wanted kids or that they were expecting and I was annoyed that I would be loosing all my friends as I would be the odd ball that didn't want kids. I couldn't even stand being around kids, i had such a cold heart towards them and this bothered me. I believe in God so I prayed that I wouldn't feel this way as I really should have more love for kids. Than nothing. Then I had that pain in my left side and when to my doctor and he told me I was pregnant after waiting a week for my results that were sitting in his inbox the whole time...This is probably why my tube ruptured in the first place but that is besides the point. I felt everything including sadness and a bit of relief as I was no longer pregnant. I was scared and I still am if I ever get pregnant again but more less that it would happen again. After 3 and a half months I'm slowing feeling a little more like me but now every time I see a baby my heart just grows a million times over. I'm confused with the feelings and I don't know if I actually really want a baby or im just supper sensitive to know that i would have had a little piece of me to hold. The fact that I don't know if I want kids drives me mental as that was the ONE thing in my life that I knew I was 100% that I wouldn't have kids. I feel in a way God has melted my heart towards kids and as sick as it sounds, I needed to loose this baby to know how special and a gift children are. I feel so much love for the little one who never made it but made the most impact on me than anyone in my waking life. This type of recovery is different and everyones timeline is different. I don't know if I will ever be the same and thats okay but talking to other women on here who that endured the same type of pain and loss really helps. I hope this never happens to you agian and I hope this helped. Lots of Love.

Lizaslife
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 5:23 am

Re: Just seeking someone similar...

Post by Lizaslife »

I think it doesn't matter if you planned your career or not, if you planned the pregnancy in the nearest future or not. I know, it's extremely painful to lost an opportunity to think about it, even if that wasn't the dream of whole your life. I believe, that time needs to pass and you'll be ok, the better thing you can do now-is not to despair. It's important to understand, that even with this trauma, you may still live a happy life. I know, it hurts right now, but please, don't go in cycles forever, ok?
Because if you stuck in it, it'll be difficult to start normal life again. Give time to yourself.
Wish you all the best.

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