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Nightmares

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Deekay
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2019 8:25 am

Nightmares

Post by Deekay »

Hi. I just came home from hospital 3 days ago following surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. This was my first pregnancy after 6 years of trying to conceive. I went to hospital thinking I was having a miscarriage but I was in terrible pain. I was rushed into surgery as soon as I arrived and the doctor told me we could not wait a moment longer. I had internal bleeding and lost a lot of blood. During my 5 days in hospital, I tried not to think about the baby but focused on surviving and getting better. I had nightmares every night and flashbacks every time I went to the loo. I thought than once I was home I would be able to deal with the emotional side, but now I’m home I feel numb. I find myself speaking frankly and pragmatically about the situation, but I can’t seem to muster the tears which I had assumed would come flooding as soon as I got home. I have a consuming fear that this will happen again. The thought terrifies me and I’m still having nightmares each night. I feel so selfish only thinking about myself and my pain and not thinking about the baby which I had longed for. I feel guilty that I seem to be recovering so quickly now, feeling stronger everyday. Will I suddenly be hit by a flood of emotion in a week or two?

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1587
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Nightmares

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Deekay,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.

As you have been through such a devastating experience, if will take time to come to terms with what has happened. This is normal and please do allow time to grieve. Panic attacks and flash backs can be symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder and, while feeling upset is very normal after such a scary experience, if you find you are still struggling on a daily basis after about four weeks, please do speak to your doctors about how you have been feeling.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.

It is also normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget our babies, but we learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.

You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and I can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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Deekay
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2019 8:25 am

Re: Nightmares

Post by Deekay »

Dear Karen,

Thank you so much for your reply. My friends and family have been wonderful at this difficult tine, but they just don't seem to understand what I'm going through and I have found this website to be incredibly helpful and supportive. I am trying to be kind to myself and take things slowly - not an easy task for me I must admit. When I'm ready, I'd really like to do something to help other women going through a similar experience if I can. I was disappointed to find out that I can no longer give blood following my transfusion but I hope that I can raise awareness and help in other ways.

Thank you for everything.
Dulcie

CrashingWaves
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2019 3:54 pm

Re: Nightmares

Post by CrashingWaves »

Dear Deekay,

I am going through a similar experience to you. I discovered my ectopic pregnancy two weeks ago. I didn't know I was pregnant as I still had my periods and it wasn't planned as I'm only 23 years old. I lost 1.5 litres of blood and my left fallopian tube had to be removed. I feel so lucky to be alive but the anger, grief and numbness are ever-present. Since this has happened I've been having nightmares most nights, not necessarily reliving what happened but certainly connected to it in that they leave me feeling powerless. I felt so calm and logical after the procedure but I think I was just in shock. It's only really now that I'm coming to terms with what happened and some days are worse than others. While I do have so much support form friends and family no one can really understand what I've been through. Don't feel selfish for prioritising yourself in this time, and don't feel guilty for how you feel either. When I came home from the hospital I couldn't understand why I wasn't crying but everyone deals with things differently and in their own time. What matters is that you're being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to heal. I don't know how much advice I can give you, I'm still trying to figure it out myself. But do know that you are not alone in this, and that you will get through this. I hope that even in a small way this could be of some help.

Sending you love and support x

CrashingWaves

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