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Strange emotions

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Mc1990
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:39 pm

Strange emotions

Post by Mc1990 »

Hi all

My first post here.

Was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy today, after a week of knowing it was a pregnancy of unknown location.

Im actually feeling surprising OK (I had hyperemesis with my first, so when I didn't even get a hint of nausea at 6 weeks I knew something wasn't right, so feel like I've had 2 weeks to come to terms with this already).

The part that is making me feel weird is the injection to abort the pregnancy. Ive always felt incredibly strongly that I would never abort my own pregnancy, and whilst I realise this is totally illogical in these circumstances and the alternative is risking my own life- I can get my head around having lost our baby, but I really can't manage the thought of making the active choice to kill them.

I know this is totally backwards and I should just be feeling sad about the whole situation, but when I thought I could just wait it out I felt pretty OK!

Sorry if that all sounds totally insensitive.. Really not the emotions I would have expected!

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1592
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Strange emotions

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Mc1990,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
We hear from many women who struggle with the concept of the methotrexate injection. I cannot emphasise enough that it is not a method of abortion, please try not to let these feelings overwhelm you.
Although this maybe difficult to read, when an embryo starts to develop outside of the womb, sadly there is no chance of the embryo developing properly as it would not be able to receive enough nutrients to do so when not embedded into the uterus. In many cases the embryo doesn't develop properly.
As you have mentioned as the gestational sac grows, it causes damage and can rupture the fallopian tube which can be life threatening to mum. In most cases, the embryo has

I know it is a difficult concept to get your head around, but you are in no way responsible for having treatment. It is not an abortion and you required the treatment to save your life. I also had methotrexate for my ectopic pregnancy and I had feelings of guilt for many years after it. It took me two years to be honest and face my feelings and like you, I reached out to the Trust. I found comfort in reading other people's posts. People understood how I felt and I didn't feel so alone. I was also advised that although my feelings, like yours were completely normal, hanging onto those feelings does not help us recover. I went for counselling as advised, and in time learnt that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy can be quite isolating, here at the Trust, we understand how you are feeling, and these boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
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so feel free to lean on us for as long as you need.

Mc1990
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:39 pm

Re: Strange emotions

Post by Mc1990 »

Thankyou for your reply

I have to go in tomorrow for the Injection and its properly hit me this evening. I suddenly feel desperately in love with and protective of our baby that I won't ever meet.

When the embryo comes out, do you see it? I'm 8 weeks. What will it look like?

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1592
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Strange emotions

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Mc1990,
I am sorry if this is difficult to read but with methotrexate treatment, when the pregnancy is ended, the whole pregnancy sac including any cells that might have eventually grown into a baby is usually reabsorbed by the mother. This happens because it is our own DNA and cellular material, so you shouldn't see anything come out.
You will bleed after the methotrexate treatment as it is the body's response to falling hormone levels because you are sadly no longer pregnant. The body expels the lining of the uterus that had built up in preparation for the pregnancy because it is no longer needed. This process involves vaginal bleeding - it can be clotty or like one of your usual periods and some women have bleeding/spotting for up to six weeks.
It is important not to do any heavy lifting, strenuous exercise or housework whilst your hCG levels are dropping.
I am afraid it is difficult to predict how long it will take for your hormone levels reach non-pregnant levels. As we are all individual, our bodies respond differently to the drug and it depends on factors like how high levels reached and our unique physiology. What I can say is that it can take a number of weeks and, while it can take some time, it is not as invasive a procedure as surgery. Also, in terms of chances of future successful pregnancies, studies do not show a significant difference between treatment routes, whether surgical, medical using methotrexate or expectant management (allowing time for the body to resolve the pregnancy itself).

Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

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