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My emotions now!

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Yayra-Ella
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:05 pm

My emotions now!

Post by Yayra-Ella »

I have experienced 3 pregnancy losses in 3 years(2 ectopics, 1 pregnancy of unknown location-PUL. I have had this friend who has been aware of everything that has happened to me. I just feel sometimes that is being insensitive with the kind of conversations she likes us to have. About her pregnancy symptoms, how her bump looks like, how she wasn’t expecting it but just happened. Am I wrong to feel that way? Is she being fair to me? How do I handle this as I usually get really moody and Withdrawn especially at gatherings where she is present because she likes to make her pregnancy the topic.

BMNov19
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 3:33 pm

Re: My emotions now!

Post by BMNov19 »

Just wanted to send love!

I think it's so hard both sides of the fence. Most of my friends would try to be sensitive and let me initiate how much of the conversation can be about her pregnancy. (I'm currently losing my ectopic pregnancy and have two close friends who are pregnant and know).
But it's still very early days for me. Not sure how long ago it is for you, and some people assume (even though it may not be the case) that time heals.
If they are a true friend I think it's ok to say it's really hurting the more she talks about it. Maybe say whilst you're excited for her, it's hard hearing all the details, so could she talk to someone else about those bits? I'm sure she'd get it. You know her best though!

I'm lucky enough to have one child already (through IVF pre ectopic pregnancy) so also understand that when you're pregnant everything can become about that and it's hard to get perspective on impact on others.

Sorry you've gone through this, and sorry you feel your friend is being insensitive. I'd have a chat with her about it, in a nice way, if it were me.

Either way sending love. Grief, loss, and unfulfilled hope is horrid. Xxx

Yayra-Ella
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:05 pm

Re: My emotions now!

Post by Yayra-Ella »

Thanks for the support and Love. My heart goes out to you with what you a experiencing now. It’s a hard time for you and I appreciate the feeling at this time. Sending hugs your way.
My most recent was in June. I also have a daughter who is 7 years. All 3 failed pregnancies started 3 years ago when I started trying again.
In our culture telling my friend about her conversations making me uncomfortable might be translated into Envy or Jealousy unfortunately. I have tried to avoid her as much as possible anyway but do not know how long this is going to last.

BMNov19
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 3:33 pm

Re: My emotions now!

Post by BMNov19 »

I'm so sorry!
Cannot imagine 3 losses. This one is seriously making me question whether to try again.
Sorry it's so hard with your friend and hope things improve x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1592
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: My emotions now!

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Yayra_Ella,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancies and losses. To experience one loss is difficult, to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.
Sending much love,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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Yayra-Ella
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:05 pm

Re: My emotions now!

Post by Yayra-Ella »

Thank you Karen. I will let you know how I get on. Thank you.

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