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Ectopic pregnancy at 19 years old
Ectopic pregnancy at 19 years old
In December I suffered an Ectopic pregnancy at 19 years old. I found out I was pregnant in A&E and it was a complete shock. The pregnancy was not planned- I'm a second year at a top university with big plans for the future and I was not with the father- but from the second I found out I was pregnant, that was my baby and that was it... My friends initial reaction to the pregnancy was "what are you going to do? You've got a big choice to make" but to me there never was a choice- I was pregnant and I was having this baby and I was prepared to make it work. After finding out I was pregnant, I cried for hours that night and then cried every day until my scan. I had an internal ultrasound 5 days later. I went to the ultrasound with the father of the baby but he waited outside to be called in by the nurses when I was ready and we were going to look at the scan together. I was having the internal ultrasound and I will never forget how the doctor just looked at the monitor for too long. She was quiet for too long. I just knew something was wrong and before the doctor could open her mouth I shouted at the nurse to bring the father in. He came in and I was panicking with tears already running down my face before the doctor said "Aimee I think you're having an ectopic pregnancy". I've never been so scared and I felt so alone. The doctor showed us the scan but I couldn't look so I made the father look and that is something I really regret- I never saw my baby. From there onward is a blur and I was just riddled with fear before I had my operation when my Fallopian tube was removed. Since then I have really been struggling. I have amazing family and friends who support me and yet I feel so alone. I feel so alone in dealing with this all. I have suffered so much loss- I lost a baby at 8 weeks, I lost a Fallopian tube, I lost some of my fertility and I lost part of me. I struggle with all of this loss and knowing that something that happened at 19 years old will effect me for the rest of my life. I'm heartbroken knowing that I will never be as fertile again and I know it won't be easy to have children in the future. Having my FIRST pregnancy like this has been horrible and you only have one first pregnancy. I can never re-do it. It is just so much to deal with at 19 years old and I am really struggling to cope- I cry everyday and can't watch movies or shows with a pregnancy in them. I am dreading thinking about the future- I have always wanted to have a family and the thought of being less fertile because of something that happened as a teenager terrifies me. I feel like I haven't even had a chance yet...
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EPT Host 20
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Re: Ectopic pregnancy at 19 years old
Dear aimeem19,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we do learn to accept what happened.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Whilst your feelings are normal after everything you have been through, if you are struggling we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task. You have also had to process the loss of your baby and been through an immense rollercoaster of emotions - all of this will take time to come to terms with.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
It is normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we do learn to accept what happened.
The chances of a further ectopic after a first in UK is 10%. So that's 90% chance of the embryo being in right place next time. Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. Whilst your feelings are normal after everything you have been through, if you are struggling we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
**************************************************************************
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
The latest EPT newsletter is out now! You can take a look at the Winter edition and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
Re: Ectopic pregnancy at 19 years old
Hello sweetheart!
I am so sorry about what you experienced. That is a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My heart pains for you, as I had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 19 as well. My boyfriend had passed away, and I was so even more alone when I got the news that my first pregnancy was an ectopic. The physical pain you will heal from, but the emotions over the situation don’t ever truly go away. I’m 24 now, so I completely understand you’re anxiety about your future. I go through the same thing everyday, more now than ever because I’m with the man who I know I’d love to start a family with, but I even fear sometimes that I’ll be the reason that doesn’t happen. My OBGYN has insisted that I’m healthy and that everything is fine, but naturally my stress gets in the way. I know it’s tough, but it will get easier at some point. But I can empathize with you on the fact that you’ll never get to meet or see that baby. It’s a difficult reality to face when you find out your pregnant, but that you can’t have your child all at the same moment. Just remain hopeful for the future and keep yourself healthy-physically and emotionally. I’m still waiting on my little baby to bless me, but I know if I trust this process, it’ll happen- just like it will happen for you.
Keep your head high.
I am so sorry about what you experienced. That is a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My heart pains for you, as I had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 19 as well. My boyfriend had passed away, and I was so even more alone when I got the news that my first pregnancy was an ectopic. The physical pain you will heal from, but the emotions over the situation don’t ever truly go away. I’m 24 now, so I completely understand you’re anxiety about your future. I go through the same thing everyday, more now than ever because I’m with the man who I know I’d love to start a family with, but I even fear sometimes that I’ll be the reason that doesn’t happen. My OBGYN has insisted that I’m healthy and that everything is fine, but naturally my stress gets in the way. I know it’s tough, but it will get easier at some point. But I can empathize with you on the fact that you’ll never get to meet or see that baby. It’s a difficult reality to face when you find out your pregnant, but that you can’t have your child all at the same moment. Just remain hopeful for the future and keep yourself healthy-physically and emotionally. I’m still waiting on my little baby to bless me, but I know if I trust this process, it’ll happen- just like it will happen for you.
Keep your head high.
