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Maybe this will help...

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Maybe this will help...

Postby Honeydrop9 » Thu Feb 06, 2020 11:04 pm

I wrote this today.... Thought it might be good to share it with you guys xxxx

I'm a worrier by nature
Worryings what I do
The thoughts spin round inside my head
I sometimes feel unglued
The past few months have really sucked
I've felt a little weird
I've had very little upset,
Not felt as I had feared.
I thought I'd be quite teary,
And cry at everything,
Seeing all the babies clothes and what feelings that might bring,
Seeing pregnant mummy tums
And looking on with woe,
Hearing gurgling babies, parents whispering to them real low,
Children playing in the park and toddlers toddling round
Squeals of their enjoyment at the wonders that they've found
Mums to be are everywhere
I spot them more and more
I envy them a little bit
But not down to my core
I haven't really felt that bad,
I guess a little numb
I worry that I'm holding back
That the sadness soon will come
I worry that I'll never have what those women soon will know
Maybe I want this more than I will ever actually show.
To have the first excitement after peeing on a stick,
To be told congratulations, now you'll likely be quite sick
To getting to the eight week scan and seeing on the screen,
Our little speck of happiness, our gorgeous baby bean,
To hear our baby's heartbeat
And to feel them move inside
To know that they are safe in there and are ready for the ride
Getting bigger every day and prepping things at home
Sorting out a nursery for my mini me, my clone,
Nine months go so quickly
And they'll soon be on the way
Packing for the hospital, it could be any day,
To have them place you in my arms as soon as you are born,
I'm sure that I'll forget the days when I was so folorn,
The day they said "I'm sorry
This isn't going well,
Your pregnancy's ectopic
I'm sad to have to tell"
The shock of all that happened on that November 7th day
The day they put me under and took my tube away
I haven't fully managed to recover from all that
But it's only now I write it down I realise I feel quite flat
Despondent is another word to describe what's going on
Although I know I'm not alone, I'm not the only one,
I'm hoping that I'll find some peace
from writing this all down
I didn't know how much I hurt -
I don't always have a frown
I must remember that it's OK
To feel the way I feel
Happy, sad and in between
All of them are real.
Honeydrop9
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2019 11:58 pm

Re: Maybe this will help...

Postby EPT Host 22 » Sat Feb 08, 2020 7:57 am

Thank you Honeydrop9 for sharing those words with us. Sending strength and support to you.

With good wishes,
Michele

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Re: Maybe this will help...

Postby Wheatoh » Wed Mar 25, 2020 8:02 pm

Wow, I have just seen this beautiful post. Honeydrop9 thank you so much for sharing such an honest, raw reflection. I could connect with every line. I’ve not been able to talk openly this time as I think I’m in survival mode but you’ve put (what I know would be) my thoughts if I wasn’t so numb, so eloquently into words. Thank you. xx
Wheatoh
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:31 pm

Re: Maybe this will help...

Postby Honeydrop9 » Thu Mar 26, 2020 4:33 pm

Thankyou so much for your kind words... Writing it down helped me process the swirling nonsensical thoughts that were constantly in my head.
I shared it in the hope it might help others so I am so pleased you found it and that it might help you heal too.
For the most part I'm OK now, but I definitely still have my mental wobbles. I just have to tell myself it's OK.
However we feel, however we find a way to cope and to process this, it's all OK.
We are fortunate to have this forum where the support and understanding is unreal! I know I have leant heavily on it.
Love and healing hugs, Charlotte xxx
Honeydrop9
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2019 11:58 pm


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