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Feeling helpless, guilty and lost

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Joined: Tue Feb 11, 2020 12:59 pm

Feeling helpless, guilty and lost

Post by RJ87 »

This is the first time I'm writing on this forum after experiencing my second ectopic pregnancy which resulted in the removal of my right tube 6 days ago. I always thought I was strong enough to get through situations like this but at after 1 miscarriage and 2 ectopics I'm starting to question my strength.

What makes it harder is, I have a 14 month old little girl who wants her mummy but I physically can't be there for her which floods me with an overwhelming sense of guilt, which has led me to panic attacks.

My husband has been amazing but I feel I'm becoming a burden, asking for things as I I'm able to do them. I know this is hard for him and that also feels me with guilt.

I know I'm only 6 days in, but I'm praying this phase passes quickly, so I can get back to normality and stop feeling lost.

As much as I want to try again in the future for another baby, I am so scared this will happen again. All of my friends around me are having their 2nd or 3rd child, and from a very young age I've always wanted a big family but as I get older I feel that dream is slowly fading.

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Joined: Tue Feb 11, 2020 4:24 pm

Re: Feeling helpless, guilty and lost

Post by Rainbow11 »


I just wanted to leave you a message of support. I have also just had my 2nd ectopic and have had previous miscarriages in the past. It’s just heartbreaking.

What your feeling is totally normal. I have felt exactly the same emotions you describe. Please don’t feel guilty because your recovering from an operation and emotional distress as well on top and that does take time to heal. Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. I didn’t do that the first time. I know it’s hard with a little one but maybe try and give yourself a couple of hours to do something nice?

I hope time gives you some healing. I really feel your pain x

EPT Host 20
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Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Feeling helpless, guilty and lost

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear RJ87,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. To experience one loss is difficult, to deal with multiple losses is heartbreaking and my heart truly goes out to you.

I understand the desire to get back to normal and also how we feel a burden on our loved ones, however you need time to recover from the ordeal of surgery and the loss of your baby. There is no timeframe for recovery and please take the time you need.

Regarding TTC in the future, as you have experienced multiple losses, could you speak to your GP who may be able to refer you to a fertility expert as and when you feel ready to do so.

For now, be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally. Rainbow11, this also extends to you.

Sending much love,
Karen x

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