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First of all, thanks to a lot for all of your support in my first post after I had the surgery on Feb 9. It’s been nearly 3 weeks since I had the incision surgery, with my left side fallopian tube being removed. I’m still spotting a bit, really hoping the spotting will finally coming to the end soon. Physically I’m feeling better everyday, I’m more in control of my body now, can almost lying on my left side to sleep. I’ve lost a bit weight, the incision areas are still bruised, other than that physically I think I’m getting there soon.
Now my biggest struggle is on the mental side. Since my husband and I are living in a foreign country, we don't have any family members around that I can share with or getting support from. Most of my friends, apart from a couple of close girlfriends who understand what I’m really going through, the rest of the friends seems just so alien to ectopic pregnancy. My ectopic pregnancy wasn’t an usual case. My pregnancy was confirmed on Dec 12th, bleeding started on Dec 24 and HCG started dropping back then. A big sac came out on Dec 31st, when I thought everything was coming to the end. I had a miscarriage in early 2019 by nature management. So this time I thought it was going to be ok, the bleeding carried on for another 2 weeks, so I went to the doctor and had a D&C on Jan 14th, my HCG was oddly high; Doctor suspected could be ectopic pregnancy. Doctor ordered me had a MRI scan on Jan 13th to confirm it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy. Moving forward, almost a month later after the D&C, I started bleeding heaving again, for some reason, part of the yolk sac went into to my Fallopian tube and started growing. The severe pain started on Feb 4th, but the doctor couldn’t related to ectopic pregnancy since I already had a D&C. I started bleeding heaving since Feb 9 early morning, luckily I made to the hospital just in time before the serious internal bleeding starts. ER, surgery all happened within a few hours.
I’m completely traumatised by the whole experience, physically and mentally exhausted and drained. Now having nightmares still feeling I’m still in hospital, and the image of me being pushed into the freezing surgery room just so vivid. I feel blessed I made it through and still here.
In the past few days, my mood really swinging fast, I’m easily being agitated by my husband, who’s the only person around me. I feel very lonely as I can’t share too much with friends since they don’t understand it at all. A girlfriend unwittingly made me angry with her harsh message after I told her I had a surgery and lost a tube, she’s just thinks I’m too stressed and need to rest. My husband has been supporting me, but I feel he doesn’t understand the full picture here of what I’m going through. He’s a positive person, but I feel his positivity is suppressing my real feelings. Mentally I need support so badly, I can’t cope this on my own any longer. I’m using work as a distraction, but that cause me even more tired physically. I feel lost, lonely, i cry a lot, I don’t want to see friends or social, I feel the world is going against me. Many nights I woke up fearing I won’t be able to have a kid in my life, it’s a very horrible feeling. I’m living in Thailand where Psychologists is so limited, specially for what I’m going through.
I really don’t know how to carry on the next steps...
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.
Experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is a huge ordeal and you are in the early stages of recovery. Your body needs time to heal from your surgery which is in itself a gruelling task.
You should take it very easily for about six weeks after surgery. Your body will be using its energies to heal internally. It is normal to feel physically and emotionally exhausted during this time and please do be kind to yourself. Recovery can take time and some days will be better than others, one day you maybe ok and the next you maybe in discomfort or more emotional. This is perfectly usual and the healing process will go back and forth in this way for however long you need. It is important to listen to your body's signals and pain and feeling tired are your body's signs to tell you to rest. We suggest keeping a healthy balanced diet, drinking lots of water and resting. Once your wounds have healed, very gentle exercise such as a short walk can help, but please do take this slowly.
You mention that you are at work. I understand the feeling of wanting to go back to work for normality but I do wonder if, at this time you are putting too much pressure on yourself. We would generally suggest after surgery that most people should be able to return to work from a physical point of view after six weeks. Many women however, need to take more time off to help them deal with the psychological (emotional) impact of the loss of their baby and the frightening experience they felt being diagnosed with and treated for an ectopic pregnancy.
I am so sorry, you feel so alone and it must be so difficult being in another country. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We would ordinarily advise speaking to your GP about accessing local counselling, however I appreciate this maybe difficult for you. We also operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
Above all, be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.
Sending much love and warm hugs,
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
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I don't have any advice to offer other than to say I am in almost the exact same situation and want you to know you are not alone. I had surgery on the 5th Feb for ectopic pregnancy and lost my right tube. The tube ruptured whilst I was being admitted and some internal bleeding. I am healing well and have some mild pain but I have quite a high pain threshold so I am not suffering much.
We also live abroad away from our family and it's been so isolating. My mum came for a few days after the surgery but when she left I was devastated. I went back to work 10 days after surgery just to try and convince myself I was ok but now I know that it was far too soon and I have been struggling since. They don't really do emotional support here either, on my follow up I was asked twice was I still pregnant as they didnt bother to read my notes and after surgery I was put in a private room across from the nursery on the maternity ward which was pretty heartbreaking.
I am trying my best to be strong and be ok but emotionally now I am a wreck, our ectopic came after 3 years of trying, we've been through 3 rounds of IVF and this was a completely unexpected natural pregnancy when I had been given a less than 10% chance of it happening. I'm probably doing myself no favours in the long run with how I am trying to handle it but I think my husband has finally managed to convince me that it's ok to be broken after all we've been through so I've decided to try find a counsellor at home who can do video sessions maybe that's an option for you too?
Thinking of you
Thanks so much for your replies. It meant a lot to me. It’s been quite a struggle for me to get through daily basis at the moment, fighting to get through it. Hoping the next post I have will be a good news one.