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24 and don't know how to cope post ectopic

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Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2020 8:28 pm

24 and don't know how to cope post ectopic

Post by elsie_b »

Last week I was profoundly shocked and distressed when i went to A&E with pain on my right side only to be told I was pregnant. I have been happily using the Mirena IUD for years so this was an extreme shock and finding out was very traumatic. The next day i was told the pregnancy was ectopic.

I have a supportive partner and parents who have been with me the whole time. I was discharged from hospital on Friday after testing suggested I was in the beginning stages of a tubal miscarriage.

I feel lucky that I don't feel the grief that I imagine comes with wanting to have a baby and having an ectopic pregnancy, (I really do not want a child at this stage in my life, hence my contraceptive choice) however i feel incredibly angry that this has happened to me and the loss of agency i feel in myself and my body is something I am struggling to get over.

I want to go back to work as soon as possible and regain normality in my life again, however have been blindsided by my emotions, from crying and panic attacks to fits of rage. My work know my situation and I have said I should be able to be back to work on Thursday but I have no idea if this is a good idea for me emotionally.

As I didn't need surgery, I feel bad for asking for more time off - has anyone else been in a similar situation to myself, or can offer words of advice? I feel thoroughly lost.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 1587
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: 24 and don't know how to cope post ectopic

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear elsie_b,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and the difficult time you are going through.
Sadly ectopic pregnancy is a very rare complication of a contraceptive coil and I am sorry you are having to go through this.
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

I completely understand you wanting to get back to normal but surgery is an immense ordeal for the body to go through. In general, after about six weeks you should be able to return to most jobs from a physical point of view. However, if your role involves manual handling, we suggest that it would be sensible to have a phased approach, gently building up to the usual extent of activity. I would suggest avoiding a rapid return to strenuous activities as it is important to build up strength after recovery.
A few options may be available depending on your role: might there be an opportunity to work reduced hours, increasing them slowly over a few weeks? Perhaps there are certain tasks that you could take on which may entail a change from your usual role or a series of reduced tasks initially? I am not sure whether this is appropriate in your circumstances, but is there anything that you could action from home (which may be different from your usual role but still be of use)?
Many women experience pain after surgery and this can be the case weeks or months after the trauma. Pain is the body's sign to rest and it is important to be guided by this and taking it easier if you experience discomfort.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love,
Karen x

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