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I have never posted on anything like this before but I feel really helpless. I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube 4 weeks ago today. I only had one fallopian tube due to previous medical history so it was a double blow - I am losing the baby I had tried so hard for and wanted more than anything in the world and I might have to go through IVF to have the next one if I lose my tube!!
I ended up having surgery 5 days later as the pain intensified and I had no options left (the methotrexate did not work for me unfortunately). I was devastated but I knew the doctors knew best and I didn't want to put my health at risk. The surgery went well and they managed to save my remaining tube!!
I now cannot stop thinking about what I could have done different to avoid this happening to me - I am sure you have all felt the same. Everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant and having babies (not that I would ever want them to go through this) and its hard to watch.
I am not sure why I am writing this - you all have been through the same so not trying to play the victim or expect lots of replies. Just wanted to speak to people who have been through the same kind of thing and someone to tell me that I am not going mad feeling this anxious and sad about literally everything at the moment.
I’m really sorry about your loss and everything you’ve been through. It is a very traumatic thing to go through, especially with the surgery but I’m pleased for you that your tube could be saved.
It is normal to feel sad and helpless at a time like this. You’ve been through so much. You do suddenly notice that everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant and it’s heartbreaking. I felt like every other person I saw on the street was pushing a pram and it was really hard. But don’t apologise for those feelings. It’s okay if right now you don’t feel ecstatically happy for someone else announcing their pregnancy. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
I had a ruptured ectopic in my left tube nearly 4 years ago (although it’s hard to believe it’s been that long). I suffered with anxiety and depression in the months that followed and struggled to deal with what had happened, going from being so happy at finding out I was pregnant to it all crashing down in such a serious way.
Give yourself a break, give yourself time. I hope you’ve got some good family and friends around you for support. I found that talking really helped me. I ended up seeking counselling about 9 months after my ectopic and would definitely recommend that to anyone going through a loss like this. I should have done it sooner to be honest.
Be kind to yourself and take care
I am sure to go back to work but the thought is giving me anxiety and stress. When is the right time to go back? I will start therapy next week but just don't know how I will cope.
Laursie, don’t rush back to work. I went back 2 weeks post op and the first day was fine but by the Wednesday I was crying all the time. I was definitely not ready to go back to work. I am fortunate that I actually work for the NHS so the GPs that work with me have been very kind and supportive about me having to take time out of the office or longer breaks to clear my head. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready. I am sure that your work will be understanding considering what you have been through xx
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. You have been through a huge amount in such a short space of time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed. From your words, I can imagine how frightening the experience must have been and I am sorry you have had to go though this.
Coming to terms with what has happened will take time. You are still in the early weeks of recovery and are physically and emotionally needing to heal.
You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and we can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.
The feelings you describe are very understandable. You have had so much to process in a very small timeframe - the ordeal of diagnosis, surgical treatment, losing a pregnancy and concerns about the future. Any one of these is hard to contend with and putting it all together is immense. After a frightening ordeal like ectopic pregnancy, some women find that they suffer from Post Traumatic Stress and symptoms can include anxiety and not being able to focus on everyday things like work. There are a number of avenues that you could look into to get the help that you need.
Whilst your feelings are completely normal for this stage in your recovery, if the bad days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/
I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs.
Sending much love,
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
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You have been through so much and it can feel difficult and overwhelming to process. I really hope your therapy helps.
It might not feel very comforting right now, but things will get easier xx
Orla - I know exactly what you mean about the guilt. I just wanted to know the reason why my ectopic happened, mainly so I could find a way to blame myself for it, but there wasn’t any reason. It was just horrible back luck and nothing could be done to change it. We can’t control what’s going on inside our bodies. It’s certainly not your fault and there’s nothing you could have done differently.
I’m really glad you’ve got a good support network. Good luck with your recovery, things will get better with time xx
I hope someone wud be able to help me with this anxiety I m going through.
I had an ectopic pregnancy in right tube just at the juncture of ovary n tube..It was last November and had to go through laproscopy on 8th Nov.. I was 7+ weeks pregnant that time..
Fortunately, my tubes were saved and milking of tube was done...
In December I got HSG test done which shows that right tube is functionally blocked but my doctor said that HSG report is not always accurate because sometimes tube goes into spasm n so it shows blocked in HSG test...
I m again planning for pregnancy and so underwent follicular study this month to confirm the ovulation.
It was confirmed on 8th day of period this month that I m ovulating from right side...
Doctor has asked me try to conceive naturally on the day of ovulation...
I m really anxious if again something goes wrong cuz I m ovulating from right so it wud again go in the right tube...
Someone please help me if u ve gone through same situation...
Is it possible that left tube wud pick up egg from right ovary? Or right tube will only pick?
I m really worried...n want to do that what should be done in order to avoid ectopic again in right tube as I m Ovulating from right ovary...