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Nearly the anniversary

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Kitkat99
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun May 12, 2019 10:54 am

Nearly the anniversary

Post by Kitkat99 »

Hi :) A quick bit of background: in 2018 I had 3 months of escalating bellyache which I ignored because of a history of bellyaches. Finally went to Dr in April, peed +ve test but with a ghost line. I was totally unprepared for this! I'd been convinced I was infertile since teens. No diagnosis, just a strong sense that motherhood was not going to be part of my journey. My partner was so great. Just calm and solid and sensitive and kind... I cant thank him enough. So we went straight to EP ward and they weren't sure so I went home with instructions to come back if I got anymore pains. That night I did get pain and I don't know if it was actually worse of if legitimising it had made me more aware but it was crippling. We rushed to A+E, me puking and crying where they sorted me right out and i lost my right tube. I was freaked the..ahem..out but recovered ok.
Roll on a year to may: i've had counselling, just starting to feel like a full human again when the familiar feelings start again: night sweats, indigestion, sore boobs... unwilling to consider another ectopic i quietly hoped for a baby for us. We are so tight after last year that I know we could do it and our kid would be so frikkin awesome. Then i felt the little crampy/trapped wind feeling in my belly and knew. It was a friday night and we musta done 20 tests over weekend. Come Mon we went straight to ward, no referral and told them I was ectopic, showed tests, explained symptoms n hey presto! Another non viable foetus. Another surgery. And the final goodbye to my natural fertility.
It's obviously coming up to spring and i think im just primed for another bout of pain, sadness and loss. It hurt so much and was really difficult to have my future choices removed even though i was choosing no. With everything else in the world its even worse because if t happens again (i know it can't) I'll need hospital and will they be able to take such good care of me? Or will there even be room? ?? And it seems SO selfish and i significant. But it's like i can't stop obsessing for syptoms. And the anxiety is giving me bellyache...Urgh!
I think i just needed to say. I do feel better for saying.
Thanks if you read this xxx

EPT Host 22
Posts: 328
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:26 am

Re: Nearly the anniversary

Post by EPT Host 22 »

Hi Kitkat99,

I am so sorry to hear that you've suffered these ectopic pregnancies and losses. My heart goes out to you and each of us experiences recovery in different ways and at different times. There isn't a set pathway or a particular timeframe. It's one of the reasons we often encourage women to really take things slowly and be very kind and gentle to themselves after ectopic pregnancies. As you've seen these Boards of filled with women and men who are bound by this unfortunate experience.

The Trust also recommends "talking therapies" as a way to help in recovery as well. You can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counseling. The charity, Mind, may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

From the bottom of my heart, please be kind to yourself through your recovery. We are here for you whenever you need.

With warm wishes,


Michele

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