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Advice wanted.

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Abby-Leigh94
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 10:16 am

Advice wanted.

Post by Abby-Leigh94 »

Hi all
Dont know if I'm posting this in the right place! But I was looking for advice and a little guidance.
We found out our pregnancy was ectopic on 8th Jan 2020, resulting in emergency surgery to remove our baby, my left tube and to also clear the blood from where the embryo had bled into my pelvis. The surgery went fine and I am fully recovered physically. However mentally i cant seem to get any better. Everything reminds me of our baby and I even count the weeks like I did when I was pregnant. I feel lost, my partner seems to be coping well, like he doesnt even think about the weeks. I feel lost and alone in my own head. My partner has suggested I go to counselling. When we told my family they seemed surprised we wouldnt continue trying for a baby. Like this pregnancy was just a blip and something you can just pass off. I cant even begin to imagine falling pregnant again or even trying. From my own family saying that I feel maybe I'm over reacting? I just want advice on whether counselling is something that has been beneficial to others and does this get any better? Is how I am feeling normal? This was our first pregnancy so everything is new to me.

EPT Host 20
Posts: 3155
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm

Re: Advice wanted.

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Abby-Leigh94,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal.

Although well-meaning, I also found that my friends and family didn't truly understand the loss I felt after my ectopic pregnancy. Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need. I also found comfort in reading others posts as I didn't feel so alone in how I was feeling.

Whilst at this stage, your feelings are completely normal, if you feel the down days outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.
I had counselling afterwards and it helped me understand that there is no time frame for how long it takes us to heal emotionally and it is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

It is completely normal to feel anxious about the future. We generally feel a mix of emotions from wanting to try again to being petrified of what may lie ahead. We never forget, but we can learn to accept what happened. It is a slow process that might be weeks or months ahead.
In time, we can get to a place where we feel comfortable trying again. When this is, is individual for each person. There is no timeframe for recovery, take each day as it comes.
Importantly early scans avail. As soon as you know you are pregnant, contact your local EPU to inform them and book in for an early scan at around six weeks. Remind them of your previous ectopic pregnancy. This self refer route is the best route in our view. Hopefully you will have some comfort to know you are under the radar of medical professionals right away. We are here too. TTC is an emotional rollercoaster compounded by our sad loss, you are not alone. We here emotional support whenever you need us. There is a specific Preparing for your Next Pregnancy board you can look at too whenever you feel ready.

You will need space to process what has happened and it can feel isolating. With us here at the Trust, we have been through similar experiences and can understand how lonely it feels. You have friends here and please do continue to lean on us for as long as you need.
Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve, to heal both physically and emotionally.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811

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