By registering on our forum, you can view and contribute to more topics on ectopic pregnancy. Your details are confidential and we do not send unsolicited emails. For your confidentiality, you can choose your own forum name to protect your anonymity if you so wish. If you register, there is no obligation to post; you can simply take comfort from the words of others. It is entirely up to you whether you post a message or read others' experiences or do both.

Ridiculously Struggling

This is a welcoming place for you to ask your questions and share your knowledge and experiences of ectopic pregnancy.
Post Reply
gabriel123
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Ridiculously Struggling

Post by gabriel123 »

Hi to anyone on here reading this. I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and Fallopian tube removed 1 month ago. My partner of just over a year collected me from the hospital and shouted at me angrily blaming me as I had not been careful with contraception and that he felt I was trying to trap him and dishonest. This was very far from truth I was actually under the impression from med professionals I was perimenopausal and the pill had been exacerbating severe PMS episodes so I had been ovulation testing which provided the answer that I was not ovulating hence periods virtually nonexistent. I should have discussed this with partner which he says was an unforgivable breach of trust.He pretty much railroaded me to go to have a termination within days of finding out about pregnancy promising we needed to rectify this mishap I had created so that we could look forward to the future. I took full responsibility and strived to put this right as he said. I was given tablets and a few days afterwards I couldn’t walk. I had an ectopic that had now ruptured. I had surgery within an hour of arriving at hospital. After the angry outburst when I came home my partner then brought my belongings to my home which I share with my young daughter and proceeded to end the relationship immediately as I was he said “calculating” and had an “ulterior motive”. I cannot stress how much this isn’t true I was trying to manage this myself, took full responsibility and tried to sort this out immediately. I’ve now ended up with a loss of Fallopian tube, severe what I can only describe as stress or anxiety not wanting to leave house and alone trying to recover. My daughter is a young teen and is also in shock and I feel completely responsible for all of this suffering and am at a complete loss. I try to pick up each day and stay positive but am in tears at least 3 times. My first period has arrived also and the pain is excruciating. I’m sorry if my post is pathetic or upsets anyone I just feel completely alone and a failure in every way

lolly2481
Posts: 38
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 8:33 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by lolly2481 »

Hi Gabriel, I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. I just want to say: you are no way at fault for what has happened. X

lolly2481
Posts: 38
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2020 8:33 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by lolly2481 »

Also..you are not alone. There are lots of people on here who are going through or have gone through this too. So you are not alone. Sending love x

gabriel123
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by gabriel123 »

Thank you lolly. The shock of the 3 separate traumas are proving much harder to get through than I could have imagined. All I needed was some love or support and I was just blamed called names and made to feel like a disgusting deceitful person . I think Only now the gravity of the ectopic surgery and the reality that I was fraudulently pushed into making horrific choices and the guilt and sadness now of having lost a baby is hitting me as I’ve been totally overwhelmed with the shock of being totally abandoned also. I feel fit my daughter as she’s had to help me physically and seen me at rock bottom and I notice now she’s also struggling. X

Welshgirl92
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Oct 22, 2020 9:26 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by Welshgirl92 »

Hello lovely.

Listen, I'm really sorry for my outburst of anger here but I am furious that you have been treated in such a sadistic manner.

Please don't take offence to anything I say to you here, I am on your side indefinitely.

Your ex partner sounds like a sociopathic fool. Number 1, it takes two to tango and he can protect himself from conception as much as you can...

Sweet girl, please, during your time of recovery, sit and think about how you have been treated, think about all you have just gone through and think about how you've had a lucky escape from a horrible man who you do not want to raise a child with.

I love by the motto that everything happens for a reason and God certainly knew that this little boy was not fit to be a father.

You deserve to be treated so much better than this, what you have just gone through is horrific and nothing less than awful.

You need to give yourself time to recover from surgery, recover mentally from the loss and the operation itself and find yourself again.

Focus on you and your daughter. You deserve to be selfish right now, everything is about you and its completely fine to feel that way too.

You've got this girl, us women are resilient, we take on the world without a second thought and any man who can't see that doesn't deserve to be in your life.

Binge watch TV, eat as much chocolate as you want and cry until your hearts content.

You'll pull through, I guarantee it.

Sending you so much love xxx

gabriel123
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by gabriel123 »

Thank you Welsh girl. I can honestly say this experience has been the most difficult thing I have gone through because of all of the different feelings and physical effects. I think ectopic pregnancy/ baby loss effects are highly underestimated. I feel like a completely different person at the moment . I know in reality life will go on and that one day I will look back in this and not feel as angry sad and distraught as I do now but when your in it I honestly can say it’s all consuming and I feel for anyone else going through it. The ex partner who completely abandoned me and blamed me for being calculating in how come I even ended up being pregnant etc was completely unhelpful in this situation and I’m coming to terms with the reality that you can think you know someone and that time will make them care for you, which in this case was completely untrue. On top of blaming myself for allowing myself to get pregnant unintentionally I’ve faced name calling and accusations from him and 4page letters telling me exactly why I have caused this all to happen myself. It has also highlighted to me the pressures women come under in pregnancy situations and I wish I could help anyone else in the future xx this forum has helped a lot xx

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2078
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear gabriel123,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss and so sorry for the stress you have had to endure.
Firstly can I say that there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. From the bottom of my heart, you are not to blame and you are among friends here who understand.

I am in no way condoning your partner's behaviour bit I wonder if it was brought on by shock. If you did want to pursue your relationship with him, I would suggest couples counselling where you can both discuss your concerns in a safe environment. It is sometimes helpful to direct partners to this website so they can read the information we have and also look at posts. We have a men's space post too which has very helpful posts from a man's perspective, he may find helpful.

For now however I want to concentrate on you. When we experience ectopic pregnancy we are suddenly faced with a life threatening emergency and it's treatment, reduction in fertility, concerns about the future and the loss of our babies. Experiencing any one of these is an ordeal, putting them together is immense and your feelings are completely normal. These boards are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.

If you feel your down days start to outweigh the good, we at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.

In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling.

We have information on our website about finding counselling services and we have more information here: http://www.ectopic.org.uk/patients/emotional-impact/

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.

Sending much love and warm hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************

gabriel123
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by gabriel123 »

Thank you for your replies I am going through some helpful counselling at the moment g which was provided by the hospital. The partner still never returned and maintains my blame for this as per my original post. The fact I had a baby growing I shed if me is only now really processing, along with the tragic situations that followed. I will say this is a process and there truly are grieving sections if that’s the right word, that I’ve been through. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but am really progressing compared to a few weeks ago. X

gabriel123
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: Ridiculously Struggling

Post by gabriel123 »

Thank you for your replies I am going through some helpful counselling at the moment g which was provided by the hospital. The partner still never returned and maintains my blame for this as per my original post. The fact I had a baby growing Inside of me which I now do not is only now really processing, along with the tragic situations that followed. I will say this is a process and there truly are grieving sections if that’s the right word, that I’ve been through. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but am really progressing compared to a few weeks ago. X

Post Reply