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Lost hope

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Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 9:48 pm

Lost hope

Post by Obrien2020 »

Hi there,

I had an ectopic pregnancy in April 2020, unfortunately it was undetected and my right tube ruptured at home. I went for emergency surgery and lost my right Fallopian tube. Since June my fiancé and I have been trying for a baby and it’s negative after negative after negative test. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. I fell pregnant very quickly with my ectopic, but am really struggling to conceive now. I’ve tried ovulation tests, taking supplements and just feel so frustrated.

I also ended up having a 6cm cyst on my right ovary and a small cyst on my left which I am having another scan for next week. It just honestly feels like one thing after another. Being nearly 25 and otherwise fit and healthy I just feel so deflated and can’t help but blame myself for not being able to get pregnant again. Part of me feels like it’s never going to happen for me and that I’m letting my partner down.

If anyone can give me any advice or positive stories I would be completely and utterly grateful xx

Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2021 5:47 am

Re: Lost hope

Post by Lioness »

*hugs* Remember we are our own worst critics! I read your message and I can feel the worry in your post. Letting things go and letting it happen how it will happen naturally is hard but a good thing. I have had a similarly tough experience with my journey and when I start to feel like you do now I remind myself that stress is not healthy or productive and I think of what my encouragement and reason for trying was in the first place and that it is worth the effort and struggle I put into it. I think of only the best outcomes and that any negative result in the way is only that, a stepping stone in my way that I can simply walk over! Take time to heal yourself when you need it and keep going. Have fun with it, stress can only get in the way and getting pregnant doesn't need to feel like a second job. Our bodies are amazing, there are so many things we go through and unbelievable results can happen. Our outlook can be negative to our lives, keep positive please, i can tell you are a fighter since you have made it this far. :) Also, your energy can feed those around you, a positive attitude can go a long way and strength is beautiful. I am 32yrs old, I have had 5 miscarriages, 3 early, 1 that made it 12 weeks and I just had emergency surgery to remove my right tube for a 14 week ectopic pregnancy I had no idea about, no symptoms or anything until sudden pains Friday night, right after losing my sweet dog of 14 years. I also have had ovarian cysts that have plagued me since I was 13 years old. I still have plenty of hope and I know I am still capable of delivering a baby. Also, both of your ovaries can use the same fallopian tube to conceive. Again, our bodies are amazing! Also, if we are successful we will have plenty experience if our little ones have the same struggle one day which hopefully they don't. Our struggles can be a blessing in the end. I hope the best for you and yours <3

Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2020 9:48 pm

Re: Lost hope

Post by Obrien2020 »

@Lioness thank you so much for your beautiful words. I’m so sorry for what you have been through, it also sounds like you are a brave and strong woman. I’m wishing you a quick recovery, emergency surgery is so scary especially during these covid times. I’m thinking of you <3. If you need to talk to anyone at anytime, please feel free to message me. It can be so comforting to have somebody who understands your pain x

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2078
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Lost hope

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Obrien2020,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
I very much understand that strong desire to conceive. I appreciate how frustrating it can be if it isn't happening as quickly as we would like. Conceiving successfully can take time and can take some couples more than a year or so.
While generally it is possible to conceive after an ectopic pregnancy, the amount of time it takes varies from couple to couple. Factors include age, general health, reproductive health and how often you have sex, among other things. It may be comforting to know that 65% of women are successfully pregnant within 18 months of experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and some studies suggest this rises to around 85% after two years.
In addition. having regular sex means having sex every 2/3 days throughout the month. Guidance from the UK's National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence advises that having sex around the time when the woman ovulates causes stress and is not recommended. We here at the EPT suggest having intercourse 2/3 times between days 10-20 of their cycle when trying to conceive. We also have information on our website on trying to conceive here:

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame. Please be kind to yourself and I send you gentle hugs. x
Karen x

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