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Struggling

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Shell1901
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 10:07 pm

Struggling

Post by Shell1901 »

everyone I really don’t know where to start with this it will be 5 years in august I had my ectopic pregnancy and I also lost my fertility the same day too so I felt I had two losses to grieve everyone says times a healer I’m 5 years on and I just feel stuck everyone around me having kids and I’m happy for anyone having kids I just feel so down that I long for that I get admired to hospital a lot due to ill health and every time I get admitted the dreaded question pops up is there any chance you can be pregnant when it’s in my notes that no I can’t be they still go on to do a pregnancy test and tell me it’s negative which obviously it will be but it’s like a knife through the heart time and time again It’s just I don’t really have a supportive family they think it’s a swept under the carpet type of thing and I just need to get on with it which I fake it till I make it everyday I just feel empty and I feel totally worthless cause mum and dad would love grandkids even though they won’t admit it they would I can tell I just feel a total failure 😔

EPT Host 20
Posts: 2078
Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 9:58 pm

Re: Struggling

Post by EPT Host 20 »

Dear Shell,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss. Thank you so much for having the courage to talk about how you feel and contacting the Trust. I too suffered in silence following my ectopic pregnancy. It took me two years to be honest and face my feelings and like you, I reached out to the Trust. I found comfort in reading other people's posts. People understood how I felt and I didn't feel so alone. I was also advised that although my feelings, like yours were completely normal, hanging onto those feelings does not help us recover. I went for counselling as advised, and in time learnt that we will never forget our pregnancy or babies but we can learn to accept what has happened and crucially understand that it wasn't our fault.

We at the Trust believe that talking through what happened and your emotions as and when you can helps the healing process. We operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
In addition, you can ask to see a GP at your practice and ask them to explore ways in which you can get help and this can include referrals for "talking therapies" or counselling. We have information on our website about finding counselling services.

The charity Mind may also be of assistance. They have local centres and support groups and can offer services on a means-tested basis or sometimes free. You can find your local centre following this link if that may be useful too: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

We hear from many women who struggle with news about pregnancy from their friends and families. This is very normal and I was the same after my loss. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. Please do be gentle with yourself and you can talk to us whenever you need.

I know that when I had my ectopic pregnancy I also looked for a reason and almost automatically we tend to blame ourselves. From the bottom of my heart, there is nothing you could have done to prevent the ectopic pregnancy from happening. I cannot emphasise enough - you are not to blame and you my lovely lady, are no failure. Please be kind to you and I send you gentle hugs,
Karen x

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
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Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
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