Firstly, thank you so much to the people who responded to my last post. Ive had a rough month but seeing others who have felt the same or validated my feelings made me feel seen. It brought a small measure of comfort.
A month on, I can honestly say I have less of the intense and all comsuming fury I had before. That being said, the anger seems to come and go in bouts, often manifesting as bitterness and resentment. All the people with happy lil accidents... as if it were so easy. Every bit of social media is plastered with newborns and it makes me bitter and spiteful. The anger is less hot, but the flame still burns.
I expected more support from my family, the kind of support I have always provided them. Alas 'everyones struggling right now' has been throw in my face and I am still left to struggle and deal with this alone.
My partner was refered for counselling by his GP weeks after I self refered. He's been offered counselling starting next week, whereas I havent even had an acknowledgement of my referral. So Im angry. Not at my partner, Im glad he's not being overlooked. Im angry that once again, Im sweapt under the rug. They tell you to reach out and so far Ive reached a number of times over this past month. GP, family, friends, everyone else just keeps ticking along and Im left to fight this battle alone.
Im still having nightmares. Every night. Either Im dying or my partner or parents. Sometimes its worse and I have nightmares of pregnancy. Of wanting it then losing. Repays the loss again and again. I wish I didnt have to sleep.
But regardless of all this, Im still here. So thats a positive at least.
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2 months post op check in. Still angry.
Re: 2 months post op check in. Still angry.
we are goin through a really lonely path.
I reached the ppl I thought was my close circle , and I got really upset to found out that this pain can t be shared with them .
But I understand this is my pain , everyone else have their own problems or they are in a situation totally opposite of us.
Here is the only place I feel like ppl understand what I am goin trough .
Just time to cure our hearts.
All the best for you.
I reached the ppl I thought was my close circle , and I got really upset to found out that this pain can t be shared with them .
But I understand this is my pain , everyone else have their own problems or they are in a situation totally opposite of us.
Here is the only place I feel like ppl understand what I am goin trough .
Just time to cure our hearts.
All the best for you.
Re: 2 months post op check in. Still angry.
Hi NewbieFP,
As someone who is 3 months out from surgery I can relate to difficult emotions becoming less frequent while also still being there. In my opinion, anger is a secondary emotion; a kind of mask we put on another more debilitating feeling. For me I realized that the feelings of disappointment, fear and shame were behind my anger. Identifying those underlying feelings were helpful for me.
I still cry a few times a week and have ruminating thoughts about the pregnancy and surgery. A phrase I find myself coming back to is "the only way through is through." It is true that the world is suffering right now and you are also allowed to have your own grief and struggles. Us repressing or not expressing our feelings does not help the world heal. We are brave. We are here.
My last thought is about you seeking therapy and having to wait. I am in the US and recognize that our healthcare systems are vastly different. Something that is an option here and might be for you is to get your GP to write a prescription for some medication to help you get through the waiting time before starting therapy.
Be well.
As someone who is 3 months out from surgery I can relate to difficult emotions becoming less frequent while also still being there. In my opinion, anger is a secondary emotion; a kind of mask we put on another more debilitating feeling. For me I realized that the feelings of disappointment, fear and shame were behind my anger. Identifying those underlying feelings were helpful for me.
I still cry a few times a week and have ruminating thoughts about the pregnancy and surgery. A phrase I find myself coming back to is "the only way through is through." It is true that the world is suffering right now and you are also allowed to have your own grief and struggles. Us repressing or not expressing our feelings does not help the world heal. We are brave. We are here.
My last thought is about you seeking therapy and having to wait. I am in the US and recognize that our healthcare systems are vastly different. Something that is an option here and might be for you is to get your GP to write a prescription for some medication to help you get through the waiting time before starting therapy.
Be well.
-
EPT Host 20
- Posts: 3169
- Joined: Thu May 31, 2012 10:58 pm
Re: 2 months post op check in. Still angry.
Dear NewbieFP,
I am so sorry to hear things aren't quote moving in the right direction for you.
Does your partner belong to a different GP surgery, it could be that they do have in-house facilities. If you arrest the same surgery, I would advise calling and gently asking why you haven't been offered the same counselling.
We are still here for you with these boards, they are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.
We also operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear things aren't quote moving in the right direction for you.
Does your partner belong to a different GP surgery, it could be that they do have in-house facilities. If you arrest the same surgery, I would advise calling and gently asking why you haven't been offered the same counselling.
We are still here for you with these boards, they are a safe space to share, ask questions, or to vent. They are filled with people who have been through similar experiences and journeys, and we are here for you for as long as you need.
We also operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
Re: 2 months post op check in. Still angry.
Hi NewbieFP,
I am twelve weeks post surgery. I have experienced a similar emotional pattern to you as I process the grief and trauma associated with the Pregnancy Loss, and going through all of that during Covid.
Like you, the constant anger over time has become a bit more sporadic.
Some days, I find myself being horrible to my husband. I can't stand to look at him, even though I know he is fabulous.
I am finding that my parents make me feel worse, no matter their intentions. The greatest examples are my mum avoiding any sensitive topic, and my dad trying to be positive. Both responses make my experience feel irrelevant, dismissed. I find the dismissal to be incredibly painful, and it also makes me feel ashamed.
I had a call with someone here at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust recently, and I encourage you to reach out to them. It was really helpful having my feelings validated. Of course we all have our own experiences, but it was comforting to have someone to listen that could understand more than most.
I wanted to share my story so you know that you're not alone.
Thinking of you.
-Kirstie
I am twelve weeks post surgery. I have experienced a similar emotional pattern to you as I process the grief and trauma associated with the Pregnancy Loss, and going through all of that during Covid.
Like you, the constant anger over time has become a bit more sporadic.
Some days, I find myself being horrible to my husband. I can't stand to look at him, even though I know he is fabulous.
I am finding that my parents make me feel worse, no matter their intentions. The greatest examples are my mum avoiding any sensitive topic, and my dad trying to be positive. Both responses make my experience feel irrelevant, dismissed. I find the dismissal to be incredibly painful, and it also makes me feel ashamed.
I had a call with someone here at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust recently, and I encourage you to reach out to them. It was really helpful having my feelings validated. Of course we all have our own experiences, but it was comforting to have someone to listen that could understand more than most.
I wanted to share my story so you know that you're not alone.
Thinking of you.
-Kirstie
Re: 2 months post op check in. Still angry.
Kirstie wrote: ↑Tue Feb 09, 2021 5:39 pmHi NewbieFP,
I am eight weeks post surgery. I have experienced a similar emotional pattern to you as I process the grief and trauma associated with the Pregnancy Loss, and going through all of that during Covid.
Like you, the constant anger over time has become a bit more sporadic.
Some days, I find myself being horrible to my husband. I can't stand to look at him, even though I know he is fabulous.
I am finding that my parents make me feel worse, no matter their intentions. The greatest examples are my mum avoiding any sensitive topic, and my dad trying to be positive. Both responses make my experience feel irrelevant, dismissed. I find the dismissal to be incredibly painful, and it also makes me feel ashamed.
I had a call with someone here at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust recently, and I encourage you to reach out to them. It was really helpful having my feelings validated. Of course we all have our own experiences, but it was comforting to have someone to listen that could understand more than most.
I wanted to share my story so you know that you're not alone.
Thinking of you.
-Kirstie
