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Family business
Family business
I recently had to have MTX treatment in late December for ectopic/tubal pregnancy. Currently still healing physically and mentally inside. It’s been hard for me though because I feel alone with only my husband knowing. He doesn’t want to share this with anyone, not even prayer partners. He’s been pretty supportive but it’s hard because when he’s not there, it’s so lonely. Like this weekend I went to my cousins baby shower with my mom and sister. Some aunts made comments about me being next now that I’m married. Of course had to put on a smile and choke back the tears but then the car ride home was uncomfortable because I couldn’t say anything and therefore it was just quiet since I was still thinking about it all. I feel like I want my close family (parents and siblings) to know since we are all so close, but I respect his thoughts and wishes and we haven’t talked about it with others. Thoughts or advice?
Re: Family business
Ah that sounds so tough. I'm a very private person and understand not wanting to share with many other people. Other than my husband I have only told my parents and my boss but I don't know how I could have got through the past few weeks without my parents knowing and their support (even though it's all been remote as we've been in lockdown the whole time). Could you discuss with your husband and agree to confide in just one or two other people?
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EPT Host 20
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Re: Family business
Dear Chrissy,
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Is there anyway you can speak to your partner about you needing to open up to close family? You have been through a traumatic event and it is important to have the love and support of family around you at this time. I do not understand why he has asked you to keep it quiet? Although understanding my partner didn't truly understand how I felt about the loss of my baby when I had my ectopic pregnancy. He was more concerned about my physically health and when I was out of physical harms way, he thought I should be getting over it. As it was so early in the pregnancy he didn't really associate the process with losing a baby. It took us a lot of talking for him.to be able to understand how I felt. I sometimes advise sharing information on the Trusts website or we have an excellent Mens Space board you could look at together which may give him a deeper understanding about the impact of losing a baby and the emotional support needed.
When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. I am so sorry you had to do this alone and cannot speak to your loved ones about it. You have friends here who understand.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
If you do find your self alone and needing to talk, as well as these boards, we operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
I am so sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and loss,
Is there anyway you can speak to your partner about you needing to open up to close family? You have been through a traumatic event and it is important to have the love and support of family around you at this time. I do not understand why he has asked you to keep it quiet? Although understanding my partner didn't truly understand how I felt about the loss of my baby when I had my ectopic pregnancy. He was more concerned about my physically health and when I was out of physical harms way, he thought I should be getting over it. As it was so early in the pregnancy he didn't really associate the process with losing a baby. It took us a lot of talking for him.to be able to understand how I felt. I sometimes advise sharing information on the Trusts website or we have an excellent Mens Space board you could look at together which may give him a deeper understanding about the impact of losing a baby and the emotional support needed.
When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had to attend a family function and a close family member was heavily pregnant. I spent the whole day and evening avoiding her as I found it too hard to be near her. It's what I needed to do to get through the day and have some space and please protect your heart in whatever way you need. This does not make us "bad" people and it is possible to be happy for those around us while grieving for our own loss. Pregnancies and babies can be a very stark reminder of what could have been and it can be painful. I am so sorry you had to do this alone and cannot speak to your loved ones about it. You have friends here who understand.
Many women experience feelings of isolation after an ectopic pregnancy - I did, too. It is a frightening experience. Like you, I reached out to the Trust for support and we will be here for you to lean on for as long as you need.
If you do find your self alone and needing to talk, as well as these boards, we operate a helpline service and there's no pressure whatsoever but if you would ever like the opportunity to speak over the phone to someone who has been through a similar experience, do feel free to call, details are below. We can take things at your pace entirely and you are free to ask any questions that are on your mind. You can talk about the ordeal you have been through and express your feelings to vent and let off some steam. We can exchange emails too, if you prefer that route. We'll simply be here for you, however you wish and for as long as you wish.
Sending much love,
Karen x
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
Registered Charity Number: 1071811
Ectopic pregnancy patient information suite: Highly Commended in the 2019 BMA Patient Information Awards
**************************************************************************
During the coronavirus outbreak, The EPT team is still working hard to provide crucial information and support to women and families experiencing ectopic pregnancy as quickly and efficiently as we can.
If we have been able to help you, are you able to help us with a small donation or by volunteering or fundraising?
Further information is available at ectopic.org.uk
Email us: ept@ectopic.org.uk
We provide a call-back helpline service: 020 7733 2653
Take a look at our newsletters and subscribe to our mailing list here: https://mailchi.mp/986bdd6091ee/ectopic-matters
Detailed medical information can be found on our website. Please remember online medical information is NO SUBSTITUTE for expert medical advice from your own health care team
***************************************************************************
